what do you call a book where you buy cats? a CATalog

saying no offence doesent make you less of an a.s.s.hole. no offence

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious man prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at church. However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well paying job and a beautiful wife, and his kids were healthy and good-natured, whereas the religious man's job was hard and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids didn't give him the time of day. So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?" And a great voice was heard from above: "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME."

a guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash. the bar man says: geez, thats a weird dog, he's stumpylegged, pink, and doesnt have a tail. i bet my rottwieler would beat the heck out of it. 50 bucks is laid down. out in the yard the rotwieler gets mauled to pieces. another drinker says his pit-bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks. another trip to the yard and when it's all over ther are bits of pit-bull all over the place. the drinker pays up and says: say what breed is that anyway? the owner says: until i cut his tail off and painted it pink, it was the same breed as every other alligator.

What do you call a dog that moos?...a doog