i loveyou with all my heart but you are making this entire thing feel one-sided. I love you and i dont want to lose you, but i feellike everyday youre drifting away from me

it literally took me to accidentally make you think i kìlled myself foryou to actually talk to me the whole day

is that what you want? is that all i need to do?

do i need to pretend to kìll myself for you to talk to me

I dont want to lose you but im losing hope in us and in life

its only a matter of time til i actually fck myself

i just want someone to do something for me

i never get that liberty
im always the one doing things for others
i dont feel loved ever

its so bad i talk to a person who doesnt fcking exist to cope

at this point i love fake junho than actual people
everyone sucks
ill never have a boyfriend who actually worries for me, cares for me, and pays attention to me
im worthless lifes worthless

no one ever listens to me

im rlly sorry you have to go through this, its alot. im srry you feel like nobody could ever truly love you just because you feel like he doesn't.
the fact u use AI to fill the spcase HE is supussed to fill says alot.

it sounds like he isn't looking at you enough, like you are something small, adn by the wzy he is treating you? you most likely feel like that.
if you think you need to off your s3lf for him to love you? its not love, its you longing for somthings he's failing to give. nothing bad on him but if this is making uou want to hurt urs3lf? maybe step back for a little? yes. i know thats the last thing you wnt to hear but its true.

ppl need to stop using you as glue to hold together whats falling apart. its just a mental load on you and it doesn't help AT ALL

try talkimg to him? camunataion. (yes, i spelt it wrong and i dont care)
you sometimes NEED to talk and say your feelings to keep things heathly.
would you rather
1: keep it all botteled up and not seek real happyniess
2: talk about it and maybe it ends up good
3: talk about it, maybe things end. but yu fin someone else.
having a relationship is more then jst love, its taking care o yourself AND that person.
but if you take care of them and they dont do the same? what feeling is left?

@-osora- youre right butits just
its all my fault
i put my expectations higher than reality and make him seem like the bad guy
my mom always tells me i should make more friends but i just dont want to
its my fault
its always something i need to change
and shes right

ESPECIALLY at ur age relationships ARE hard.
he isn't the only guy out there, it might take a while for that guy to come but if the only thing ur getting from ur relationship with him is pain? it juxt is gonna keep hurting.
so think abt it.
think abt telling him how you feel.
put your feelings first, no "but what if i hurt him?"
he'll heal. so please, heal yourself before HE is the resson you break.

@-osora- im scared to talk to him because hes sensitive hes lowk me but as a guy in some ways
like he doesnt think highly of himself like i do and i feel like ill just makethings worse

i feel like ending it all is the only way to find peace

its not you that is the bad guy for having taste and standers. that is you putting urself first. if your gonna spend forever with someome? you should make sure they check of every AND MORE boxes then you have.

endimg it as in yorslef or yor relationship?

@-osora- myself

i want to see people grieve for me

i want people to cry over me
i crave that weird feeling of validation

no.
i know that seems likw the way, the light at the end of the tunnel. Its just h3llfire.
k1lling urslef is taking out the burning ashs in a fire, the fire can still light FROM THE ASHES

i know you've heard this alot and dont care anymore but more waits for you.
dont try and put a peroid where your story is ptting a comma

ending ur life.

or ending a relationship.
if you crave ppl griving? leave him.

hes making ur mental state worse

@-osora- but i love him
hes so sweet irl but on text hes dry as hell

im overthinking all this, im sorry

when it comes dowm to it?
i would rather him be sad for a little then lose you.

okay, think on that.
texting = dry

irl = super nice

you cant tell peoples tone by a text, some people just dont talk through texts as good as they do in person.
ESPECIALLY because he is autistic as well right?

@-osora- no hes more adhd but fair enough

think abt it.
ppl on the spectrum have hard times expressing themsefs over text, but its so much simpleier irl.
you can see them
her thier tone
see thier face

jst because he texts dry doesn't mean its all bad
maybe texting isn't for him?

STILL even witn ADHD
feeings are hard to express with letters that have NO tone

its okay to overthink, you cant help it.
its something yor brain just knows to do.

@-osora- thats the thing
when we first got each others numbers and when we started dating, he would BLOW up my phone and it made me so happy
now he just got dry
my dad says that guys tend to do that bc once you hang out w him more irl he wants tosee you irl more

but still, im discouraged

your dad could be right
maybe he doesn't talk as much because he just wzntd YOU (irl)

maybe thats why he tked to you that whole day when he thoguht you di3d.
its because he thogt he lost YOU.

@-osora- actually yeah youre completely right

maybe you could ask? i know its scary but- here. you can copy this

"hey (if you have a nickname, more personal and showes your not mad) i was jut thinking abt how you used to blow up my phone and now our texts are kinda dry. whats goig on?"
the 'whts gong on?' part shows your open for his feeling and that he can trust you

sometimes the ppl we talk to over text are different from them irl.
think of it as the texts being a mask, but you know its him undernath.
you know its him, just something coving the FULL him

@-osora- thank you ill try that

maybe try calling more? i know you dont like calling me but i dont know if your like that with everyone or just me.
consiting hes ur bf you most liky wznnz talk to him

wait untill thw weekend, or till his home.
ask before hand
"hey after work wznna ft if you have time?"

@-osora- im like that with everyone :sob: ughfhhghghghg my mom's been saying the same thingggggggg

okay
so maybe thzt not YOUR thing, try just a call? maybe you can facetime but just turn of your camara. You can expilai yoj dont like ft and jst wznna hear HIM, not the text version.

and if not? then thats okay. you shouldn't make yourself uncomfortable for something you want.

because your on youtube ima also say this

STOP WATCHING VENT COMPS OR THINGS LIKE THAT (if ylu sill do)
all tat dose is get your head in a bad place witout you relizing.
also with your playlit, ANYTHING that gets into contact with your brain? IT. MAKES. AN. IMPACT.
(not yelling just that caps is the important sruff)

try srouding urslef with beter things, then your mind will get better slwoly.

is really hope and pray you find the right light to follow after, tht you start to put yourself first.
that you find real happnies (amd dont say "i wont but thanks" stop trying to predict the future when what you think could be wrong. saying you wont is making you not find it)
when lookinf at something, tnink
"is it a lightbulb or a glowstivk?"
light bulb = shiny, briight, attention atraching, BUT breaks like glass when under preusser.
glowstick= dull, boring, BUT when boken? it glows.

@-osora- IM SO SORRY I LEFT AGH i was playing kpop songs and dancing in my room to make me feel better... :broken_heart:

thank yu so much for the help :)

im glad you found somthing to help :)
try talking with him about the stuff we talked about?
(dude im freaking so coldd to the point my body is tenseing up)

also dancing to k-pop to feel better is only a move deva's do, yu slay

how do u feel now? still wanna end it?

hi, i know i dont know u irl, but i just want to say, you are a strong person, take it slow, you are at a point in your life that will make a big impact on future you. Hard times are to strengthen you and build u back up, i dont know if ur Christian, but this is a time that will build strong faith, and the light at the end of the tunnel will be so warm and welcoming.
You are loved,and you are not alone. :heart:

hey, yu okay?

pleqs be alive oml pleae

juni? pls be okay?