why hate

@loidforger that's kinda waaay to complex to explain and probably for people that aren't me and don't have my life not understandable but to put it as short as I can
I finally realized that I wrongfully idolized my mum
She does the bare minimum sometimes even less and other things which I don't understand why and I had my problems with that I the past but Wednesday I don't know something just clicked
I was like damn I'm really that stpid
I also wrote other stuff, that mainly the more important stuff and bc I'm severely mentally ill and sick I'm not quite happy with my life so I really leaned into the "I wish u had aborted me or atleast that I didn't make it to the hospital time in 2019 bc I could have saved me all the bllshit and suffering"
Yeah

She came into my room yelled at me, I yelled at her, she kinda cried, I cried hard bc talking about the fact that I really really really don't don't want to be here anymore bc I'm so done... It's been 8 years since I had something that u can cald life... That a third of my entire lifetime and it would be ok if I had a light at the end of a tunnel but even the healthcare system is like damn I'm out of ideas (so it's not just my opinion, professionals also don't know what to do, if there's something to do so yeah lol) and then bc I cried so hard her mom sense kicked in and she hugged me and I really didn't want to bc that felt like I just made a impulsive decision in writing that to her but it wasn't but yeah... Later I apologized for that hating part bc that actually was impulsive, I kinda wanted to hurt her bc she really did hurt me that day (I cried for like 4 hours, my eyes completely swollen so I didn't want to be alone with that feeling) so yeah...
And all of that bc of stranger things
Funny
(it kinda resolved itself we also watched the 4 episodes together so yeah I don't know... That was a weird week)

Ah yes please no pity or hate if thats optional and sorry im a hardcore over talker... i tend hard to trauma dumping :sob:
:sweat_smile: