it's fine if you don't want to talk to me by the way ill be fine

I'm sorry I really shouldn't expect so much of you

@Stellar_pen_skills please I'm sorry I won't ever ask so much of you again but please I just really need to talk to someone

sure bud, whats up?

@Stellar_pen_skills I just haven't really been feeling well for the past few days
I'd talk to my sister but she's asleep right now
and I don't really want to bother her anyway

okay, im guessing you wanna talk with me then?
go on then :D
lay it on me :thumbsup:

@Stellar_pen_skills it's just
I used to feel so lonely before we became friends
and I thought us being friends would fix it
but now I just feel selfish for constantly wanting to talk to you and to have your attention
I know it's not a bad thing but I know you have your own life and your own things going on and I feel bad for constantly wanting that
I'd really like to interact with you more and not just through text either but I've been far too shy to even ask

@Stellar_pen_skills I've always been really bad with my words and even worse at expressing myself
sometimes I try to push myself more but it always feels in vain

@Stellar_pen_skills I just wish I was better at actually saying what I feel without making a big deal about it

if ya wanna talk to me more feel free to message me on tumblr-
its a lot more private and i can access it more easily

(if ya feel comfortable with that of course! if not thats okay also, you can just tag me here)

@Stellar_pen_skills I also sometimes feel bad for thinking about you a lot
not in a weird way it's just
similarly to persona I always end up thinking about you in some way
I just feel bad about it because I feel like it's weird
other people probably don't think about their friends that much

and yeah, talking about emotions is HARD, id know it-
ive been on therapy for as long as i can remember, yet that doesn't exactly stop the constant mis-communication regarding my feelings, but i still try yanno?
the fact that you're willing to even TRY is good sign of emotional maturity and you should be proud :)

its normal to think about your friends, it means you care about'em
even if im only a online friend and can't really do much for you, im happy to lend a ear and listen
(cant promise you i'l have all the answers tho!)

what im trying to say is-
that ya don't have to stress so much about this!
all the problems you listed here are very normal human things, you don't have to shame and antagonize yourself for having needs and emotions!

@Stellar_pen_skills I guess you're not wrong it's just
more often then not I'm always off in my own world it's practically been like that sense I was very young and I've only ever gotten deeper into it as time has gone on
it's affected my relationship with my family a lot and I guess in some way I feel almost like it's my fault
even if I should know better

@Stellar_pen_skills I guess it's like
I'm in my head so much that reality becomes distorted
and I forget what things are really like and more often then not I forget my own worth

honestly, not sure i can help ya with that-

but if ya ask me that sounds like disassociation...
its not really uncommon, but i'd be best if ya went to a ********* or some type of specialist to talk about that since it can hurt you long term :(
(if ya aren't already in therapy i mean-)
id suggest asking your parents or a trusted adult to get help if ya can, if not, then to at least research about it so you can understand it better and decide that might be an issue you're having

*theraþìst

@Stellar_pen_skills I've never really thought about it like that but I guess it makes sense when I put it into perspective
actually no like it really does
like maybe not the textbook definition of it but it makes a lot of sense

sudden realization aside I have thought about asking my parents to put me back into therapy because I do feel like I really need it but I've been too scared to (not that I think they wouldn't I'm just a very shy person if I haven't already made that obvious)

@Stellar_pen_skills but thank you I really feel a lot better now :)

welp, the ya got to be brave!
im rooting for you!!!! >:D

@Stellar_pen_skills I'll do it for you AND myself! >:3