im like, LITERLLY a lesbian

Alameda Slim, the glittering, dramatic, “I’m-a-cattle-rustler-but-also-my-heart-is-complicated” man, stood on a hill under a ridiculously romantic sunset (like, literally pink and sparkly). His lasso spun slowly, forming a perfect heart around… well, nothing yet—but soon, it would.

Slim’s mind was a mess. He was homoflexible, emotionally unstable, and entirely extra.

Heart #1: Wesley, shady purple-coat businessman of illegal cows. “So cute… and smol… and shady… ohhh, I want you…”

Heart #2: Sheriff Sam, law-abiding, gun-toting, justice-loving hero… who wants to throw him in jail. “Dangerous… forbidden… but also… ughhh yes…”

Slim dramatically threw himself onto the nearest hay bale (because anime). Glitter exploded. He clutched his chest.

Slim (internal monologue, overdramatic as heck):
“Why must my heart… betray me so? One loves the criminal… the other… the law… and yet… I want them BOTH.”

Suddenly, Wesley appeared, leaning against a cow cart, smirking. “You’ve been stealing my cattle, Slim… and also, stealing my heart.”

Slim gasped, dropping a glittering lasso. “WESLEY!” He lunged, slow-motion, sparkles trailing behind him. They collided, knocking over an actual stack of illegal cow deeds.

Before the smooch could fully form… SHERIFF SAM WALKS IN, gun raised, hair blowing heroically in the wind. “Slim! Stop! You’re under arrest!”

Slim’s eyes flickered between Wesley and Sam, dramatic anime tears forming. “No… not… AGAIN…”

Narrator (totally unnecessary but we love it):
“And so, Alameda Slim’s heart became a battlefield… between law and lawlessness… purple coat and heroic badge… and yes… glitter.”

Scene: The three of them standing in a triangle:

Wesley: leaning, cocky, smol and smug.

Slim: heart in hands, sparkles everywhere, dramatic wind blowing hair.

Sheriff Sam: heroic, stern, but secretly… “wow, he’s kinda hot.”

Slim (voice shaking, but smoldering):
“I… I want you both… I… I… want you to chase me, love me, AND arrest me…”

Cue: flashback montage of Slim stealing cows, Wesley counting them while blushing, and Sheriff Sam dramatically shouting “STOP!” over slow-motion sunsets. All set to a very emotional J-pop ballad.

Cliffhanger:
The three of them are frozen in an awkward anime love triangle, sparkles, wind, and illegal cows swirling… and then one of the cows literally leaps into the air, squealing dramatically, knocking them all over.

i....i want yu BTH,,,,, i want you to chase me,,, love me,,,,an arrest me,,,,,, :tired_face:

HELP I LOVE THIS HELLO??

ok but its well written.

@bluebow_
thats cuz ai wrote it :disappointed:

aw man :broken_heart:

@bluebow_
I SWEAR I'LL MAKE MY OWB,,,, i wanna write old man yaoi love triange spoooooooo badllyyyy so imma get to it soon :tired_face: :smiling_imp:

DID U WRITE ALL THAT?!?

WOW

y-y-YAOI!!! :tired_face: /J

YAYYY

OH I WAS GONNA SAY THAT MUST HAVE TAKEN AGES :sob:

are you that one bango person I used to be friends wit,,,