sometimes i remember my ex friend from elementary school and think of how disappointed with me he would be

he's the first boy to ever have a crush on me

and thinkin abt that

why does anyone like me LMAO

i was a little monster in school

i straight up bit a kid

i still am one ngl

just

sometimes i want to revert, sometimes i want to go back to my proshipper phase

its horrible, but i found comfort in it

i originally quit because i hurt someone again, i sxually harassed someone

i dont know why im like this

i couldnt find solace anywhere i went, and i kept hurting people i actually loved

i lied so much to people, i said i loved them, i said they should leave me if i hurt them when i clearly already have

despite that, i feel the desire to go back, to revert to an old mindset because i feel thats all i'll ever be: horrible and disgusting

i dont want to hurt people ever again, i want to make people feel safe and secure, i want to break away from old habits and take care of myself

then, boom, i get worse. it always happens. i am thriving one second, then falling deeper than ever before into the abyss. its a cycle i cant escape no matter what i do

sometimes i wonder if anyone from my past would mourn my death, if they would care at all, if the people i hurt would celebrate my death