part one: how people handle it (spoiler! its not good)

a lot of the time people will post triggering subjects for me ( weed , vapes , alcohol , anything that can get you drunk or high basically ) and include it in the painting and put the TW in the title , which does not help by the way ! becuase i am still seeing it . And when people are trying to talk to me about it for some unknown reason they think that censoring the words is going to help me .

I still know exactly what you are talking about . I am triggered by the subject , not the word . It makes me feel babied more than anything and embarrasses me .

part 2 : guys im not evil for having a trigger

I have said many times that i am not forcing you guys to stop posting about it . especially on this app , i feel like people get wayyy too defensive when i ask them to dni for posting about this . i am not telling you that youre wrong for posting about this , i simply just want you to not interact with me because obviously its an extremely sensitive subject for me . i have had people vague post about me because of my dni ,

I do not choose to get anxiety attacks whenever this is brought up , and i am well aware that i wont be able to avoid this topic forever , but you guys have to understand that for my own safety i have to have this on my dni .

part 3 : people do not respond well to being blocked even

there has been many times people have gotten very upset with me for being blocked on any of my accounts . if you post about these things then i WILL block you , thats just how it works . I have very altered perceptions of people who do this stuff becuase of my trauma . not only will i have a panic attack , i will also view you as evil and if i am not close to you i probably will hate you .

i understand this is wrong and will hurt people but i can not control how my trauma has altered my view of people who do that . maybe someday i will have the resources to see a professional to help me , but right now , as i 15 year old in a conservative household , i do not have access to such things .

part 3 : i do not owe anyone an explaination .
its not so bad here as other places , but i do not like sharing exactly what happened to me when i was young to cause me to have such bad issues with these topics . people always want to know , and i understand just being curious , but if you think that my triggers will upset me then i think you can imagine how retelling my story will affect me .

very long story short , until cutting contact with her when i was 11-12 , i had been neglected and emotionally abused by my alcoholic mother . Id often get really physically hurt or needed something when i was 4-8 and my mother would always be black out drunk and not responsive. and 9-12 she would constantly manipulate me and has messed up how my brother perceives trusted adults forever because he wasnt old enough to choose to cut contact .

This experience has permanently messed up my view of people that do this really bad and causes me to get really anxious when seeing people , ESPECIALLY people i care about doing it . also seeing my comfort characters do it , canon or fanart , removes the comforting part of them to me really bad.

part 4 : how people ive been friends with handle it

there has been so many people that post / talk about my trigger that i am far to attached to to just stop being friends with . I feel like this is what gives people the idea that they're the exception to my trigger . i still get triggered just as much if not more about you talking about it , i just care about you and dont want to lose you . i really dont like when people say this , especially when they havent asked me first .

part 5 : conclusion

like dont bmf if youre into that the end

@STUDLUST
average colors user when i block them : yeah...! Well...! your triggee is lay and game anyway !!! yeah ! i said it!

@STUDLUST
i think that people that do not have triggers like can not understand that a topic could upset someone so much like it feels like theyre like "ohhh ...this makes you a littlesad... i see" youfont,see even

""i put a trigger warning ! somewhere hidden in the description !"" im tackling you to the ground.

@STUDLUST
my face when i fight someine about how im not gonna stop doing something :anger: and then my face when im blocked :fearful:

@STUDLUST
theres so many people that like ive spoken 2 like once that think we're best friends and then i block them after they spam my comments and gdt blocked and their like "PLASE FRIGVE MEE!!! who r you . smh this is waht its lik to be 15 and colors live famous

dud its worse when they get their friends to do it like no i dont want this i never wantedthid

@STUDLUST
i hate that guy personally for other reasons #scottstudlustcrossoverepisode

cn you tell me all ur triggers so i know

alsoif i ever post abt something relayed to a trigger of yoirs or.on topic, how to i like help warn or prevent u from getting u/set?

/genq

@choco_
drufs and alcohol

@builderfan okaye thank.you