idk how to start ehh

Growing up as a kid andto this day im in a warm friendly environment, never had issues with my parents as a kid, got fed everyday and lived in a clean house. i was and sill am doing good in school. Getting expected or greater depth in my work. But as a grew to the age of 6 i joined ballet, i liked dancing as a kid, vibing to music. but as i was seen as a "big kid" also known as a kid slightly overweight i got bullied in ballet. no one would be friends with me bc i was "fat"
ima continue, tw sh

1: you like arcane
2: your funny
3: your super cool
4: your British
5: you have good taste in music
6: you have a good fashion sense
7: your awesome
8: baby Rosemary
9: baby binglebob
10: claggor

and that made me insecure at the age of 6. once i was at the park with my dad and it was hot. i had a jumper and leggings on. i had a basic shirt underneath. my dad told me to take of my jumper. i remember i was boiling, but i hated my arms since they were "fat" so i forced myself to cover up. "i just dont like my big arms" the words 6 year old me said to my dad. (i fell down the stairs at the park due to heat exhaustion at the time)
still not sone

done* im respoding to comments later

So my dad told my mam. btw at the time and i still do i had an underweight friend. My mam was crying her eyes out thinking 6 year old me was hating myslf (i was. but i lied my way out) i just told her with the bruises from falling over.
Anyways durng ***** i quit ballet and tap dance (i also did tap dance for a year) Then i dont really remember alot.
But starting year 5 (9-10 year old) was the year my 'friend' threatened to beat me up (not the underweight one. im gonna call her lila) lila

was my friend. but her over friend was toxic. very. threatened to beat me up. clled me fat etc. it all got sorted outtt anyways ima skip forward a lil

Then this was the most hardest year for me. ik getting o.der an getting more emotions. I hate it. ever since i was 9 there has been this guy. ima call him ginger, ive taked abt him b4. He never spoke to me in yr 5 etc. till this year. we were doing basketball and someone threw a ball way over my head. so i Couldn't catch it

so he started having a go at me. body shaming me. commenting on me from head to toe. And then i felt like i was gonna cry. all of these painful memorys. then i told my mam- rang the school- got it dealt with, right? No. He started goin worse, throwing pencils at me. yeling at me and stuff. then i developed sh. scratching my arms with a pair of tweezers. ripping off my nails till they bled. starving myself. i never spoke abt it on here bc i have free will. He ruined my life. If you remember or

not i had a break for a few days. I didnt eat, drink or sleep for 3 days straight. i couldnt even be in a room without crying. yet my parents srill didnt know. i was getting bullied whichmy parents knew abt, my friends kinda ditching me. and finding out my dad has still been doing horrible stuff i cant say. I was getting to the point i searched up tutorials on how to remove blade from sharpener. i gave up dw. i had the thought that i shouldnt sh. i cant go through this way in life. i canr deal

with suffering. So i stopped kinda? .. a few days later i was play fighting with my friend, hit her too hard. so that night i shoved a sharp pencil deep into my hand so yeh. it still has a scar :)
And thwn a few weeks ago ginger was distracting the class. throwing things and being annoying, with his friend thats naughty but nit as bad as ginger. they mentioned my friends name, he looked at me sad (my friend) so i toldhim "ignore him. hes just a ginger přick" so ofc ginger and his friend

overheard. Started talking abt my body. fatsaming me. "shes so big" and so and so. (heh im cry8ng irl. emotional diva) i was fking shaking. I was trying so hard not to cry. im sensetive. hesring them words being spoken so horrible about me. talking and making fun of my body isnt the best. i walked out the classroom crying my eyes out. my math teacher followed and asked me if i was ok. i told him abt ginger ad what he was saying, how hes making me do bad things. so ofc he told the head teacher

btw my mam knew. told the school so my mam threatened tyem to keep him away from mw. it all stopped so im good now?
i get highy sensitive, i get emotional easily. i have friend issues. trust issues. i feel like no one will like me. all bc of ginger. im less insecure now ig? watching tiktok kinda makes me feel better, so what if i have big thighs? so what if i have a big stomach that? atlesst i have big...uh..
But i still feel like i hate myself. deep down ik im not ok. but im trying.

thats why growing up with a friend like the opposite of me. she was skinny. ngl i thought her life was great? good mam, good skinny and pretty? but ik she has other frends and stuff but shes the only one that i feel like she wont judge me? she told me she wanted to have my body, she wanted my "waist" but itold her i wanted to be skinny like her. kinda like we wanted eachovers body? but she ate everyday, but gained an ed. i the ohly one that knows. shes the only girl i feel safe with. she trusts

me. and i feel important bc of that?
Boom ok im done now if you havent go and read it :boom:

:broken_heart: I'm so sorry this happened, you deserve SO much better. Ignore the bullies, they probably say those things to you bc they have issues of their own. And I love you (/p) bc you are so kind, funny, supportive, and amazing. Please stay safe, i'm proud of you for trying to get better. If you ever need to talk to me i'm here, and again, ilysm :heart:/p

@--RX_Queen-- :)

:warning: I FORGOT TOMENTION DONT BE SYMPATHETIC IDC I DONT LIKE PPL LIKE THAT TOO ME :warning:

@_dai_the_flu Ilysfm/p

ilyttt :heart:/p

what's up.

@forsakenLOVER hi!

i love British ppl

how r u today

@--RX_Queen-- I dont :disappointed:

@forsakenLOVER im doing okay!! wbu

@MollieLvsClaggor but your British :disappointed:

@--RX_Queen-- Im different tho im cooler :pray: everyone else vapes and sends feetpics :disappointed:

rlly good rn i have a lot of stuff do rn. @MollieLvsClaggor

@MollieLvsClaggor WHAT :sob: what abt super nanny i love watching super nanny

@--RX_Queen-- YES SHES A DIVA

ofcc ofcc we do
youre a hilarious chaotic British diva :nail_care:

yesyesyes !!

because you keep us all entertained
AND YOU"RE ALSO BRITISH - LIKE ME_

bc ur rlly kind, friendly, funny and relatable(in a good way) :D

+ ur a fellow brit :3