i dyed my hair black again so yay

ughhhh i dont know why im like thid

if i never had daddy issues i wouldve never been like this for a man 9/almost 10 years older than me :joy:

r u ok:(

@maxwell_ mo

@maxwell_ dude i am in love wih a man a decade older thn me to te point i gey jealoud when people talk about him romantically or séxually :joy:

and idk whay to do because when i try to force myself t stop being this way it hurts but thwn when i just allow myself to be obsessd wrh him i spiral becausw im mot gonna ever havd him

boiii i love being crazy! :joy:

@Jisung i get.that,i feel the sam way wth ant. efen tho ourrelationship is rlly toxic i syill love him,and,i get jealous when ppl tslk aout her

@Jisung im notgood at giving advice but,i love to list3n.ur nkt crazy, its ok t feel this way.ily /p

@maxwell_ lotrlly eughhhhh and lik wirh han its not toxic at all like hes good for me but because hes so good for me i startd being crazy for thid guy but hes an adurlt an im a minor hha

@maxwell_ ughhhh and the thinf with getting jealoud is,so rel becausw peopl coul say the slightest nice thing about han and itll mkw me relapsd :joy:

@Jisung im.sorry:( i hope u cqn cope.with this sta safe.im nlt good at talking i wsnt to helbut idk how ily/p.im sorry :(

and i think im getting too wrapped around into my head nd imagination to the point ifs makimg me worsd becaud i do it to stop being upst about han by imagining myself 2ith him but then i did it s much that i cravehim all the time when he doesnt even know me :joy: :joy: :joy: and p3ople are speaking to me in my head like other versions of myself or siething help

:joy: :joy: :joy: :joy: :joy: :joy:

@maxwell_ id okay im just glad i can tlak to somebody qbout ih withour them tellinf me im parasocial and craxy

@Jisung no.i feel th sameway. ur not crazy. andi have voices too sometimes,but mostlu ant.he always tells m that im ugly and everyone hstes me and ishould kll myself but i ove him so much he means yhe workd fo me.ik he hates me but ilike to pretend he loves me.

sorry.i u think slfcest is weirf itshow i copesorry

@maxwell_ no sefioudly like idk im haerin yeah but then thered like another haerin who isnt me shes just aother perdon wirh my name and shes not mean to me shes men to everyone else and she wants me to be mean to everyne and i swear shes controlling my brain at timed and she talks to me

ant is.nasically the toxic and insecurepart of me that wahts me to die and hates me.max is me, and the sensitive and lovng part of me i think idk hiw to,explain im weird lol

@maxwell_ i don thinb itfs weirf domt worry

@Jisung whendoes she appeat? like what emotions do u fee: before she syarts neing mean?

@Jisung ty

@maxwell_ i undersand completly thouhg like does ant feel like another person but also you at times becadw thats how it is wirh me

@maxwell_ normaly when spmeone makes me mad but its also at random where she randomly just want me to be mean to everyone around me

@Jisung ant doesnt rlly come out.alot, only durig heated arguments or drama or wgen im habing a panic attac,, buti hear him,in my head alot and wemhave conversations and i teoll him lhow mych i love hkm but he is js always like ''ik'' or ''ok cool'' butmits ok i still love hkm,hes jusg stubborn.he fee.s like a differet person bjt t the sam time he is me

@Jisung the mad prt makes more sense, thas when at comes oug sometims.he doesnt hold bac woeds and deosnt care abt getting in trpuble.idk he careds about all our friends but he hates me...

@maxwell_ hgghhhh i swear ant is jut playung hatd to gef why id he libing in your bran and them being mean........ whag doed that even maekd sense imm gong crady right now

i am on fire

@Jisung yea idk,he is confusic but u lobe him lawl

im glnnaago yo sleep im tired

nght night jusing ily/p

i spekt ur nme wrong in pyrpose btw bc it sounf funny ok gn bai

@maxwell_ tes ugh like im sarting to thinb i have different mes
so rin is me
hae is nice and sweet and cares for herself and likes to present softly and sweetly but like me??? i think
and tgen haerin is the bad one and wants m to hurt evryone and shes sometimes mean to me but shes rell only mwan to me when the han thing istriggered other thab that shs just mean to veryone else and she presents herself as evil so pwople avoid her an i thinb she is a narcissist and manipulative.... ugh whagt

@maxwell_ okta goodnight mawell

@Jisung wait,stop i feel thst exact sameway bjy ill explainall of me tmmr im tiref

night nightt

@maxwell_ okah goodnmight