seem cool, ive said things about people in my circle that leave me wanting to give them the world
none of what ive said came from my heart i thought it was ******* okay i really did

i am not the same person i was before for better and for worse

i have friends i am close to and to be honest im so tired of feeling anxious just to please people, im risking my sanity for people im scared to talk to i cannot keep doing that especially when i feel like i cant trust my name isnt coming out in vein

i could never hate them
ive said it before those people have felt like family to me and id never ever regret meeting them, only the things i decided to say and thats all my fauly

i dont wish to be accepted anymore because i know i wont ever truly be and thats more than okay with me because im tired of wanting something so one sided
it took me disappearing from most places to understand that all of that wasnt the best for me, my anxiety spiking around these people i care for these people i used to be so close to is insane work i wouldnt ever want these people to know how bad its effected me

ill do this **** again ill delete everything if i have to even if im ******* terrified and saddened to cut ties i wish i wonder if talking **** out is and option but im so ******* sensitive all i know how to do is run and not make conflict because im scared im always scared of responses

i cant describe how bad i felt after those last conversations i cant recover from that

i know im not crazy i know im not because there are people who feel the same way i do people who have been effected just as equally and yet i dont know why i try to defend these people i dont know why i try to defend you i cant let go of you specifically and i hate that because you bring me the most pain

i dont hate you hate is such a strong word but i feel just as ill towards you as i do euphoric

i dont hate any of those people but i will maintain distance