i need to be in your arms

our ribs need to intertwine like strands of hair for me to be close enough to you

i just want you

im never goinb to be okay

i love yo

please ml

uggnhhhh

orbiton

is this about. han
if it is im sorry, im here for you
if its not i hope things get better

@felixstayy yeaj ugghhhhhh i hzte myself hes so painfully out of reach it hurts i just want to have him but i nevver will icamt do thid bro why did my fp have to be someone who doesnt know i exiust

hey bro he may not know you exist now but like in the futrure MAYBE that sill change
if it doesnt, you can always sright fanmail to him :)

hgggghhhhh i hate this why did i out of all people have to be one of thw few born with borderpolar im ging to nd my life why does livig have to be so hard ill literllt nver be happt

@felixstayy i ned ro stop being deluional hesnever going ti lovw me hes never even goig to knoq of me and i just have to live wirh thid mental illnss and attacment hhhgghh i want to relapsw but i camt becayse chan saud not to but im a the point where i want to i hate being alivw i just wanr to die

hes so out of reach whydid the loml have to be a celebrity :joy: :joy:

please take deep breaths, youre stressing yourself out. try to distract yourself, drink water, maybe that will help

@felixstayy icamt,do thid ahgghhhhh hahahahahahhaha kjll me

no, i dont want to :'0
maybe listen to a different group for like a few minutes to distract yourself from him

@felixstayy im liswning to duster ihavent been list2ning to skz for a couple hours

oh
uhmmm, maybe go on c.ai or smth to rp with a han bot or smth? its prob th closest youre gonna get to an interaction w him RIGHT NOW, like atm

@felixstayy im going to go to bed mayeb ill see hjm

okay, sleep well <3 /p
feel better soon

@felixstayy i couldnt sleep

i relapsed

ugh

i hate myself my blood is everywherw

haerin...
pleas clean them

@felixstayy im in the bath becaud i domt have motivation to clenw them

dont hurt yourself please

@felixstayy im too lazy to cut myself again so i probably wont idk but i couldnt stop and i have 37 new cuts now.

what.
37..???

somw of them are small thoufh

@felixstayy yeag i couldnt stop idkit flt good

i just coumted them

hae...thats not good...

@felixstayy i kbow but thersd notjing i can do abouy it now idk i feel a bit better now idk my brain is too loud

just try to take deep breaths next time instead of heading straight to the sharp thing

@felixstayy i did and it didmt work so i cut myself but a dsbm song turnedon so i thinb that made it worse (for context dsbm stands for depressive sujicidal black metal and i used to listen to it all the time when i was extremely sujicidal last summer)

ohh...im sorry, i wish i could help

@felixstayy igs fine i am in the bath so i feel finw my hair felt gross even thouf i washed it yesterday so im washing it again bcayse it was overstimulating me

so ifeel fine now and clean

i feel dirty ll the time becausd i have dermatillomania (the severe addiction to picking at my skin) so if i feel clean i pick less so i tend to bathe 1-2 times a day and sit in the bath for hours beaus3 of it

i hate,being dirty

im glad <3/p please watch the cuts with smth that will not get it infected, like JUST water, that wont do ahything

wash* not watch

@felixstayy i did alredy cuz i felt dirty and now im just mad that i relapsed cuz scars are ugly and not appealing so yah anyways

turkey butt

okay, good. feel better soon <33 /p

@felixstayy thabk you

im boref

i need to be up by 8 am tomrow but i cant sleep im cooked :joy:

i kind of miss jeongin rn ngl

uhh counh sheep or smth else?? idk lol just try to relax and youll fall asleep

in he like your new bias wrecker lr smth where did he com frm :broken_heart:

@felixstayy no i wanna talk ti you

@felixstayy HELP no he was in my dream last night for some readon and now i kimd of miss him

my bias wrecker is lee know

aww okay <3 /vvvp
yeah lol that will happen, one time i just dreamed abt seungmin for NO REASON and im likd 'UM'

@felixstayy boi u know /p isnt needed i know things about you boi... :turtle: im jonkling anywayd
bro i had a dream wirh seungmin the oher day like fr some reason i dream about everyone EXCEPT han

i had han in a dream like twice and tahts it

OH UHM

yeh i use tonetags bc im paranoid if my affectionate self will make words come out wrong... :'0

@felixstayy brah i already know ts not plankton s like

PLANKTON????? cro i mean platonic

i domt mind taht much either way i relly dont meed tone tags

PLANKTON IM GIGGLING STO
sigh okay.......i have been found out

@felixstayy you have ben foun for like a month you gay

shu up :broken_heart: :broken_heart:
ANYWAYS UM i ate a whole bag of starbursts in like 3 minutes

@felixstayy starburtst yummy i want straybery

strawbery

hands you strayberry sarburst

@felixstayy thank

im thirst

im going to water

i want coffee but its 9:37pm :broken_heart:

@felixstayy i want energydrink but its alnost midnight

ouf :broken_heart:
i made felix edit at school today UGH it took so long and it still looks like shat

@felixstayy when are you out of school for summr holy shet

@felixstayy also yah i am an editor and ts takes forver

mine arent that bad tho but when i post them they flop
i made this really hot han edit and it got only 300 viewx,,, but then really bad edits blow up like waht

insteaf of relapsing peel tape off ur wrist or draw lines with markers

it helps me!

stay safe ily pooks /p

i get out tmrw actually lol

ima slep good nihgt

@antwon_ thabk you friend im gonna eat you

@felixstayy delp okey goodnight boi ily

@Jisung i taste like tigers blood snow cone flavor :broken_heart:

@antwon_ yummy :joy:

im back hi!!! hru today

@felixstayy herro im good i had sushi so like

sushi yay!! what type of sushi
or was it jst original sushi

@felixstayy i got one called te double j cux its so yummt its a fried sushi roll idk theyre so good

ooh i should try one day

my mom is asking me to pack but im not moving for another 4 months

@felixstayy brah shes doing tew much

sigh :broken_heart:
i got a new sketchbook !!

@felixstayy HOORAY have yew drawn in it yet

no :angel: AHEM i will tho when my motiv comes back

@felixstayy frick yes

did i tell you that i gor a sg player uniform jacket for my bday

@felixstayy MO????

i didnt gt the whole thing but i got the jacet

@felixstayy frick yeah boi ts tuff

:sunglasses:
my mom jst needs to iron on the number

@felixstayy 230 here u come :broken_heart:

HLP ME
HOWD YOU KNOW....IM NOT ...THAT... OBVIOUS

@felixstayy girl yes it is

sigh
#230
anygays its so hot in my house :broken_heart: im melting

@felixstayy im cold cuz i just got out of rhe bath :broken_heart:

sigh my mom is weird she turns all of the fans off in summer but turns ALL OF THEM on during winter,,,

@felixstayy what :broken_heart: ts odd

literally
anyways im doe yapping your turn :angel:

@felixstayy bruh if i start yapping its literally jst gna be about every position i want han to put me in

im so serious bro i need hims o bad right now

oh!!
welp i cant stop you now :angel:

like mate stop procrastinating

that was random im sorrh :broken_heart:

@felixstayy dudw im s serioud all day its been horiblw i meed taht deck lil cro :broken_heart: every time i sed him my eggs start screaming 'fertilize me!'

hanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanhanha

i ont know what to say to thay :broken_heart:

@felixstayy han

felix

whts your favoeite color

@felixstayy black and dark blue :broken_heart:

night colors pretty

mine is yellow amd pink

@felixstayy i lowk vould tell :turtle:

BRAH :broken_heart:

what do yu want to do im bored

@felixstayy idk gelp i wanna draw hannie but i have zero motivation

hmmm maybe i could draw him for you

but i cant get his jaw or hair right :broken_heart:

@felixstayy gelp me neither i want toexplode

sigh

i hate my style sometimes i CANT DRAW MEN :broken_heart:

@felixstayy i like can only draw men :sob:

how brah

i can only draw felix bc he looks jst a bit more feminine than the others, IM NOT SAYING HE LOOKS LIKE A GIRL i just find it easier to draw him lol

@felixstayy idk cro my artstyle changes a lot its like i have one artstyle for men and one artstyle for women :broken_heart:

me too tbh

im n pain

@felixstayy why r u in paun

my monthly suffering :broken_heart:

@felixstayy ohhh
go get a small towel, get it damp, and then microwave it for 30s-1m to use as a heating pad
eat fruits or a warm carbohydrate that tastes good (but nothing spicy)
drink water or if you have any drink some soda that tastes good

if u dont wanna eat then do the heating pad thing, then lay down in bed with blankets over you and watch smt on your tv/phone/switch and relax yourself

yay thak you

@felixstayy np boii

im rewatching squid gay before the 3rd season comes

PLEAS thanos COME BCK.....

@felixstayy bro literally he better comeback

ues he didnt deserfe to die .... totally like he def didnt kiII 3 people pushing them in redlightgreenlight and mvrdered his beiggest fan in mingle ....

@felixstayy dude he was carrying the whole show

i was watching outsiders nd had that one shower scene and uhm i saw something i siuldnt have

@felixstayy the outsiders is peak bro

it is lmao

why are a lot of the guys super good looking too, not just the men either like cherry is :heart_eyes_cat:

anyways hru

@felixstayy herro

hiiii