!!don't comment yet!!

a little bit late and i was upstairs in my bathroom getting ready and my dad comes up the stairs and starts cussing me out. and i don't even remember what he said bc i just drowned it all out while trying not to cry. and succeeded, for then. then when i got in the car w/ my sister, my dad took a while to get in the car bc hes always last, and when he did, he started cussing me out more. he didn't say anything to my sis, only me. he say smth along these lines, 'we shouldn't even go! all u wanna

do is sit on ur a$$ all day and be lazy and look at ur computer!' and i felt some tears start forming but acted like it didn't bother me bc if i cried he would have yelled at me more. then, not even a minute into driving, he said, 'u don't even act like u like shotgun anymore! we should just go home! isn't that what u wish to do!?' and i didn't say anything bc no matter what he would yell at me, so then he slamed on the brakes so hard, the only thing keeping me from flying through the windshield

was my d nm seatbelt. then he turned into a driveway and turned around and started driving home saying stuff like, 'since u wanna be lazy all day, we can just go home!' and, 'do u even like shotgun anymore?!' to wich i didn't say anything thing again bc i was terrified. so he slamed on the brakes again and repeated the question in an even meaner tone and all i said was, 'mhm' bc i was to afraid to talk (i should mention that i love shotgun a lot). then he kept driving towards home and when we

got there, he said, 'there! u got u wish!' and then stormed back inside. me and my sister stayed in the car and i started crying silently bc i didn't want her to hear, and a few minutes later, she went inside and i just started crying my eyes out. i tried to stop and tell myself im 'just over reacting' but them tears wouldn't stop. i eventually able to regain control and stop crying and i put on a neural expression (as u learn to do after being like this for years and years), and went in the

@Mayor_Wiggles
Bestie... I had no idea... I'm so sorry

house acting like nothing happened. i then came up here and did this.

srry for yapping so much but i am going through a h3ll of a lot of sht and ik literally no one fcking cares abt how i feel but i just wanted to tell u abt this and tell u that, if u don't hear from me again for a while, this will explain it. and i wanted to thank u guys for being here and just chating w/ me bc, if im being honest, i probably wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for u guys so i thank u for helping me hang on this

long but im fcking struggling and idk if i can hold on much longer so if i disappear it means i ether ran away or i succeeded in offing myself.

but i just wanted to say ty guys sm. i love u all.

u can comment now

@SteamboatBaxterTADC
dw, its not ur faul. it always try to hide my feelings bc idk how to express them and i have major trust issues

@Mayor_Wiggles Im so sorry you have to cope with this, ik coping with death is the worst, but remember your nan in smiles, she would hate to be seeing you cry, she wants to see you smile, and remember her in hope not remembering her in tears.
And im sorry that you had to have that incidint with your dad, maybe he had a hard day too? but he let his anger out on you, which is not the best. Tell him that you like shotgun later, tell him you love it, mabe hes also feeling down too? idk. and girl yo

@Mayor_Wiggles
I know how you feel... I've tried to end it several times due to depression myself... Just know you can always count on me to be there when you feel down or need comfort

u dont yapp to much, your talking to us on cl about it, dont have them feelings, your the most kindest girl on colors live, even though life have ups and downs its not worth it to feel like that, ik you cant control sadness but focus on you, and you only, and once you have srt of organised your feelings, slowly start again, tell your dad tnat you like shotgun, you deserve tne whole world :heart:

@Mollie-AndADuck
thx. but i still blame myself for her death. i cry myself to sleep almost ever night bc of it.

Omg, he's a very mean father! I'm always here if you want to talk!

@SteamboatBaxterTADC
ty. i don't deserve a friend like u. i don't deserve friends at all

@Mollie-AndADuck
@-shiromi-chan-
thx

@Mayor_Wiggles
Don't Worry
it'll all be OK... shhhhhhh... shhhhhhh
(If I knew you IRL i would be physically comforting you RN)

@Mayor_Wiggles Its.not.your.fault.
losing someone is the most worst thing to witness/go through. Death will always happen to people, more and more times, but overall, your an amazing person, im proud of you :)
Have you tried talking to anyone about how you feel? lkke talking to a friend or a family member?
Letting people know how you feel will make you better, your a strong girl mayorwiggles, your just a bit shattered knto some pieces, but you can always always heal witn time and dedication

@SteamboatBaxterTADC
that was the first i cried (in a good way) after reading a comment. tysm

@Mollie-AndADuck
ty. but im just so afraid to talk to ppl abt it. like, what if they think im weak or over reacting or being sensitive or they don't believe me bc of the fall wall of happyness and joy i've created around myself bc im afraid to talk abt it

@Mayor_Wiggles
NP bestie,
Just remember me and... @Mollie-AndADuck
we're here for you...

@SteamboatBaxterTADC
ty. tysm

@Mayor_Wiggles
No Problem... Bestie!
Take a break if needed... and remember... We'll be with you in spirit!

@Mayor_Wiggles i understand the strugle to open up, but girl your not weak, not sensitive. you are just struggling.
have you ever tried writng your emotions? like using a diary? or set daily goals, on what you do daily, do you have anything that remnds you of your nan? someting that she gave you or what you see or do daily that remind you of her?

@SteamboatBaxterTADC is right, take your time, and when you feel better come back on, and set your hopes high

(Sending virtual hugs.) @Mayor_Wiggles

@SteamboatBaxterTADC
yeah i might take a break for a while

@Mollie-AndADuck
i have three daries. 2 paper ones and a digital one. i used one of the paper ones up and am using the other 2. but i have terrible ADHD and never rlly get to write in them.
i've got a pic of my nana, my sister and i from before she was in and out of the hospital that i look at and talk to from time to time (is that weird?) and when i pray to God i ask Him to check up on her and ask how shes doing. im not gonna write more abt her rn bc i started crying (im being sensitive again).

@Mollie-AndADuck
(and also, maybe im just overthinking some things bc i over think a LOT and my anxiety doesn't help)

@Mayor_Wiggles Hey, hey, its okay :)
Some people struggle with different ways of coping, ask God for hope, He loves you, perhaps look at that photo everyday and think "She is happy in heaven, she is watching down everyday" She is proud. your the most kindest girl on cl, your the mayor of cl!! but time gets hard, people and death make you fall to the ground, but take it in, ask god for help and get up and carry on with life

(sorry if i sound cheesy)

@Mayor_Wiggles your not overthinking, i have it real bad, kt makes everything feel stressed, but what helps me is music, not sad music, calm music, deep breaths, i cant control overthinking and stress but it shows how you care, you think before your act. which does have a good side, shows you care, and that is the reason us people on cl love you (friend way)

@Mollie-AndADuck
that totally didn't make me cry. tysm, i don't deserve friends like u

@Mollie-AndADuck
tysm

@Mayor_Wiggles you deserve everything!!! im proud of you, and always here if you need someone to talk to :)

im so srry about that did he hurt :sob: :anger: @Mayor_Wiggles

@Mollie-AndADuck
tysm

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
ty

yw im have nothing to say bc if i it would sound dumb

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
dw, nothing u'd say would sound dumber than me

ok hear i go

your day might have bad day and wean he come upstairs and say fucķ šhit asš dicķ dam pisš that just pisseď me off like wťf and in the car he said WHY YOU DON'T LIKE SHOTGUNS ANYMORE BITCĦ like dàm but pls answer this did he hurt you that why i went to kung-fu @Mayor_Wiggles

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
he didn't PHYSICALLY hurt me he just help tear up my mental state

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
yeah

do you mean tear you up??

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
my mental state is not doing to good and he just helped my mental state deteriorate

oh kk hope you get better bestie @Mayor_Wiggles

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
ty. i might take a break for a little bit and try and heal a little yk?

aw ok :( @Mayor_Wiggles

*give cookie*

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
ty. nom nom

<3 stay safe girly @Mayor_Wiggles

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
i'll try

in your birthday i draw you something special @Mayor_Wiggles

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
yay! ok!

btw im makeing but not posting it wean its your birthday

so wean ur birthday

:( i hope you get through whats happening

@Sleep_y_D0nkey
November 19. so u have a while lol

@-Ms-Coffeee-
tysm

I'm so sorry for not being here for u!!
:sob:
It broke my heart not being able to respond...
I felt like a spectator, but I want you to know I'm here!! :heart:

@Beargamer
tysm and dw.

Im sorry if this hurts you this quite sounds like the mr. Hopps playhouse 1 lore

@Pavle
idk what that is