grrr i hate feeling like this during nighttime

i always start hating myself after 9:30 pm for some reason. hahaha idk why
anyway after i sleep i should feel better. so dont worry about me. or do. i dont care

gets crushed by a falling anvil
i will be using the comments to yap :3

why do i never feel hungry
its lowkey weird
like i can go the entire day doing tasks and stuff without feeling hungry at all.
it worries me a bit, what will it be like when i'm an adult?
i could probably be starving and not even realize.

i overthink a lot. it gets kind of annoying tbh.

poop

i've gone 4 (or 5, idk) days without getting silly. (thats a code word for something i will not share.)
i'm kinda proud, maybe i can last a week. :D
the stripes (another code word) are starting to fade too. :] yay!! ^_^

i love the world but not myself. kinda weird but i wont question it.

i'm so ******* annoying and cringy. how do people put up with me?

kyle it's almost 1 am go to sleep. please. you'll feel better.

but i dont want to. im not tired.

why the hell am i talking to myself. ******* weirdo creep. stop doing that.

lalalalalalalala

okay im gonna go to sleep. for real now. i have to stop the self loathing already and just take a ******* nap.

bye everyone. love u. <3

it lasted six days :D

maybe i can do better next time lolz

lalalala i hate getting silly i dont know why i keep doing it

do the griddy! oh yeah
þhiccness

this isnt funny kyle, stop making jokes. this is serious, you have issues and need therapy.

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

lmao what
why tf am i talking to myself
again
i have problems. i need to stop.
I NEED TO SSTOP.??..

ughh i dont wanna die but i just wan to disappear. for five minutes, at least.
i wish humans could do that??
i guess sleepimg is similar but i dont want to be calld lazy
ruc,,,ssdjjjm

i amm,.

poopp

loqkey so confused about my gender which isnt very fun

:pizza: PIZZA!!!!!! I LOVE PIZZA!!!! :pizza:

i fűcking hate colors live. its not even a fun drawing app anymore, just drama, callouts, lies. drama, callouts, lies. drama, callouts, lies. I HATE THIS APP SO MUCH.

i love my comfort characters so much. if they died i dont know what i would do. probably cry 4 eva!!!!

well THAT sounds unhealthy.

lowkey panicking. i cant find my razor and the urge is getting stronger. i have to do it. i have to. but where is it? did my parents take it? æ
dies

i coulnt sgop bengm,,.. i wantef to throw up i couldnt stop bleeding. ejeke,,, help i thougt i couldm i tjugjt l md,

i accidentally cut too deep on my wrists. i couldnt stop bleeding and my hands were shaking and i wanted to cry and throw up and i couldnt breathe
moral of the story, skin on your wrists is much softer and more fragile than you might think

ive stopped bleeding and panicking for now, so i think im okay
im never doing that again though
i'll stick to my thighs for now

i just wanted to try something new. the urges were getting so strong im sorry im sorkked s i dont want to die i really dont

i think i went lots of layers deep than i wanted to
im
sp soellll.a..a d di, s,,, a s, ..,,,,

yo so my mom foud out abou the self harm.
chat am i cooked,,

YO SSHES AXTUALLY NOT MAD ??? YO???
she js told me to promise myself to stop doing it cuz sje loves me so much and shi like that
i might not be cooked!
shes only seen the thigh cuts not the wrist one tho

bru im pouring my heart and soul into helping you why tf aint you responding :pensive:

i kind of like him but i cant say it because i know he'll never look at me the same

ughghhhh ig i'll be honest
but not rn cuz hes offline
jgjhj

*********** I LIKED TH STPDD POST WH DIDI DO THATGUGHG UGHHF S SI HES GONNA HATE M NOW OM<>S>D

FFUCĶ I DID IT OMG FUKCJFHCHDJS AAA

shìt hes not responding nonononono i thinkhehatesme now *************** nghh

so he doesnt hate me. yayayayy

my heart hurts.
(metaphorically, i'm not having a heart attack dw.)

lowkey i dont think a single person cares for me the way i care for them.
i feel like i love too much and i should. i should stop.

that sounds narcissistic why did i say that.

keep all those feelings bottled inside and it'll be fine!
you've been doing it since you were eight, nothing'll happen.

why is everyone leaving me that makes me really sad.

i want a relationship so fūcking bad like im not joking. i just want someone to kiss me and hold me close and tell me its going to be okay. i need someone to hold hands with, to laugh with. i need someone who will love me as more than a friend. god im so fūcking lonely i just want someone. i dont want to sound rude but i hate seeing happy couples. i get so jealous and i yearn so badly.
then i feel terrible about it. why am i envying people with joy, instead of finding my own?

i wish i could control my feelings. i hate being jealous of everyone who's better than me, prettier than me, smarter than me, everyone who has what i want. i feel like a spoiled brat for it and its not fair. i try to not feel these things. but i still do.
i wish i was more talented and better looking and less loud and rude and weird and lonely. i wish i could be everything i envy. i hate myself so much. i feel like a burden. i shouldnt exist.

all i've ever done is bring sadness and pain to people. i feel like there's not a single person in this world who i have made happy. and i try, i really do. but i cant. im just a burden to carry, not a joy to be around.
i wish i didnt exist at all. i sometimes pray that i die. so everyone can be happier. everyone would be happier if i werent there to annoy them and make them mad.

i dont feel like anybody truly cares for me. maybe i should die. i'd be forgotten anyway, its not like i've done anything significant.

i feel like colors live is no longer a safe space to express myself anymore. the fake vent people ruined everything. at first, people started making fun of THEM, which is okay, ig. :/ but then the lines between 'fake vent' and 'actual emotions' became blurred, and people just went: "haha!! vent bad, vent corny!! me likey all venties!!! bleh!!!" and this place isn't safe anymore.
i feel like i have to hide my emotions again, like i used to do. i hate it.

fortunately, i have this little space. people probably stalk it, (ahem. i know ur there.) but i feel safe venting here. i like this post. :]
speaking of venting, i hate how there's so much beauty in the world, but im too blind to see it. (metaphorically.)
i know there are things worth living for, but i feel like i cant see them. even with all the beauty and love in the world, i still want to die. but why? well- many reasons, but why cant i just be normal? why cant i love myself?

what the ****. i thought you were cool, and here you are, being a ****** ***** for no reason? im ashamed to ever have been your friend. why would you say those things? claiming you're trying to improve, but turning around and saying that horrible ****. im genuinely disappointed. you let me, the many friends you had, and so many other people, down. i knew i never should've trusted you.
i feel bad for anyone you used to associate with you.

chat i might actually find love <33
rhhfmmemefghhh they're so nice rahhh

i lasted about a month but i relapsed

im so sorry i thought i could stop

i really thought i could

i'll never change

I LOV HIM SO MUCH IM GOING TO EXPLODE /vpos

mwahhh!!!!! red if you're reading this ilysm!!! wjjdjdwkk

im so fcking clingy i hate myself *************

im sad. im sad bc he's not responding. how stupid is that?

im gonna kms

i hateee emyself

HOW THE **** DID THAT ******* GET HONORABLE MENTIONS IT WASNT EVEN FRUTIGER AERO

ugh i feel like a jerk for saying that. im deeply sorry. all wc entries were supr cute and deserved to win. minus mine lol

im sorry again for making that comment. i've been in a really bad mood today and im píssed that i lost the weekly challenge. i took my anger out on adorable, winning drawings and i was rude.

i had two panic attacks today and i hated them
ffųck my hands were shaking so bad i couldnt even stand my legs were trembling
brahh i hated it ugghghghg

i feel like this one guy hates me even though i did nothimg to him. its not fair. im unfollowing both his accs so i hope hes happy lul
if the guy im talking about is reading this, sorry for unfollowing brah
but lowk dont think you care because you hate me anyway AND you already have an abundance of followers
so yeah
bye chat

i sometimes pray for God to kìll me in my sleep. it never does happen. it's crazy how i call myself mentally stable and nrmal but do things lkek this

uhhh 2 days clean
im proud of mys3lf !!! i hope i can keep it up. i just havr to ignore the thoughts, and im sure i'll stay clean for a long timw :3

i started playing hello kitty island adventure yesterday ! the game is super cute and fun, i love it sm! ^_^

every time i remember how many days i've been clean, i have an urge to do it again.
i know i shouldn't, and i dont even have a reason to.
but i want to

on a happier note, i've been clean for 9 days! a week and 2 days,, not much but dang! im proud, i think it might be a new record for me!
i should keep this up, maybe i can quit cutting forever! :3

on a happier-er note, i found a new favorite characte!r!! peridot from steven univrse,, i love her so much!!! /p shes literlly me om,,g, wahw1w..

pridemonth
ridemont
idemon
demon :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp#smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp: :smiling_imp:

12 DAYS CLEAN **** YEAJHH

2 weeks clean im so proud

i think my new interests hav hlped the urges stop lowkey
im happ.y. i really am.

ughhgh i kind of dont lik my dad
he yells at us and says reallybad thigs and acts like NOTHING happene.d afterwards. and he never apologizes. the only time he did apologize was because i asked him to. and even then it was half ässed. he always invalidates my emotions, i can never share anything with him because then he lectures me and shows me pictures of people who have it worse than me. then he expects me to always forgive, always forget like he does, and treat him right.

but how can i? how can i respect him and treat him right if he never respects me?

im gonna kms why cant you take somrhing seriously for ONCE stop turning everything into a joke and pushing back yor emotions you need to be honest

^ ts is about me by th way

note for future reference:
- steven universe is a comfort shpw. watch when we're feeling icky.
- listen to comfor t playlist its nice
- or watch díck figures tha show is silly. ylu will feel better.

its so latw and i have things to do but i want to stay awake. i have to i can never rest i cant i cant, i cant icant

since ik for a fact someone is stalking this, i decided to acknowledge you. hi stalker! hii!! haiii!! ^_^ hellooo :3
actually forget it just get the fuсk out of here.

would anyone even notice if i just. disappeared. died. went away, forever?

19 days. world record. 19 days and i broke it. i couldnt go longer. i didnt. what kind of )~$#'%` are they, making their own ;{*[= do that to {*,self??

im. im angry. angry at them for hurting me. angry at me for hurting myself. im just i cant keep going i cant iant i csnt icna,tcanglkxcmams,d.d.,c...s.?

im such a screwup. i always make mistakes , i can barely follow basic instructions. even in dreams, where i can do what i want, i always mess things up. and others pay the price of my stupidity. i let the monster in the room and it kìlled everyone. i was too loud and the bad people found us. no matter what dimension im in, no matter if it's real life or fake, i'll always mess up. always be stupid. i hate myself so much why cant i be better

im sorry red im so sorry i dont want to be the root f your problems ut i just ruin eveythign dont i ? i mdde you feel bad and i'll nfer forgive myself for that im im idiiidiiiiidiiieeieieiiei die kyle !! nobodyf loves ylu kyle just die die already alome in a ditc i hate you kyle i hate youu diedeideid

youre a burden to everyone you cant even make your own partner feel happy ******* screwup you've never done anything good for eanyone

i should just **** myself maybe everyone would be happy then

i cut yesterday, but why? its over now, i havent a reason to be sad. maybe i shou:dnt have done it. but its too late now. idiot.