im kinda feeling hopless right now, i have everyones voices on my mind and i dont know how to voice it. i feel so dysphoric right now to the point of throwing up, i am feeling so much self ** and i feel like its down to choosing to be trans or choosing God, im paranoid lately after hearing that noise that reminded me of the rapture, i feel like God will come soon and i wont have chosen in time, and ill suffer and it will be my own fault. i feel like i need to give being me up in order to reach
heaven in the end, im so scared and i feel like i should ** myself bc im so disgusting, i feel like thats what i am in the lords eyes because im trans, i feel like im a terrible being i feel so overwhelmed by the constant voices in my head its not even funny, everytime i go to eat i hear a voice saying not to when i look in the mirror i hold my hair up to look less feminine but i hear a voice telling me im sinning and i feel like not even you can answer this but maybe my grandma, she knows the
lord more than anyone i know, but if i told her what would she think. i cant risk loosing her shes one of the biggest supports in my life, one of the only two people i can trust (other than you) i say i dont know how to pray but the Bible tells you how so whats my excuse, im so upset and i dont know what to say because once i feel a sort of way it passes to something else it feels like im going crazy it actually does and im sorry your dealing with me on top of your friend, know u say your not
'dealing' with me but u kinda are (dont reassure me. this is true) i hve a voice telling me im posing, im seeking attention but i dont want to believe that, im sorry, i told my mom it worries me when everything is always so risky but shes says if something ever happens again to drop you. Never would i do that to you. ever. i didnt the first time and dont think my heart could, i need you day to day my mental health declines like the weather, without your voice silencing the others where would i
Comments
30 Dec, 2024, 1:18 am
@Spicey64 MY DAD TOOK AWA MY IPAD AND HE YELLED AT ME TO GIVE IT TO HIMMM
30 Dec, 2024, 1:18 am
@Spicey64 he wanted to watch netflix with my mom
30 Dec, 2024, 1:19 am
:l
30 Dec, 2024, 1:21 am
@Spicey64
30 Dec, 2024, 1:33 am
@_PUMPKIN_ whyd he take it?!
30 Dec, 2024, 1:34 am
@_PUMPKIN_ i just saw this :c
30 Dec, 2024, 1:34 am
@Spicey64 bc he wanted to watch netflix
30 Dec, 2024, 1:34 am
@_PUMPKIN_ im gonna freak out what if he finds something
30 Dec, 2024, 1:34 am
@Spicey64 (its ok)
30 Dec, 2024, 1:35 am
:confounded:
30 Dec, 2024, 1:35 am
@Spicey64 he wont i told hij to just stay netflix
30 Dec, 2024, 1:35 am
him**
30 Dec, 2024, 1:35 am
i swear if he looks through our messages-
30 Dec, 2024, 1:36 am
@Spicey64 idk if he will actually listen to me tho
30 Dec, 2024, 1:36 am
and i need to do anatomy :l
30 Dec, 2024, 1:36 am
im overthinking is that bad..
30 Dec, 2024, 1:37 am
@Spicey64 Ik i hope hE Doesn't
30 Dec, 2024, 1:37 am
@Spicey64 no its ok i understand :hug:
30 Dec, 2024, 1:38 am
:heart: its gonna be ok
30 Dec, 2024, 1:38 am
when stuff like this happens it feels so risky he could literally see my name and 20 question u
30 Dec, 2024, 1:39 am
its so risky if it got back to my dad he would
30 Dec, 2024, 1:39 am
it would be rlly bad
30 Dec, 2024, 1:39 am
ik :heart: :(
30 Dec, 2024, 1:39 am
im worried
30 Dec, 2024, 1:39 am
i hope he doesnt
30 Dec, 2024, 1:40 am
i hate it when this stuff happens :[
30 Dec, 2024, 1:40 am
just breathe i will take care of it :heart: :hug:
30 Dec, 2024, 1:41 am
f*** now im super anxious
30 Dec, 2024, 1:41 am
@Spicey64
30 Dec, 2024, 1:42 am
i hope :cry:
30 Dec, 2024, 1:42 am
aww :c
30 Dec, 2024, 1:43 am
hey just trust in me i will deal with it and not the i did last time when he 20 questioned me
30 Dec, 2024, 1:43 am
:heart:
30 Dec, 2024, 1:44 am
@Spicey64
30 Dec, 2024, 1:44 am
*hug* :{
30 Dec, 2024, 1:45 am
i think hes giving it back now
30 Dec, 2024, 1:46 am
ughh were going to get ice cream
30 Dec, 2024, 1:46 am
i hope i rlly wanna call or text
30 Dec, 2024, 1:46 am
@Spicey64
30 Dec, 2024, 1:46 am
oh..
30 Dec, 2024, 1:46 am
YIPI HE GAVEEE IT ***** yesxxssss
30 Dec, 2024, 1:46 am
theres never time :[
30 Dec, 2024, 1:46 am
text @Spicey64
30 Dec, 2024, 1:47 am
*********
30 Dec, 2024, 1:59 am
@_PUMPKIN_ i wish youd come back
30 Dec, 2024, 2:34 am
im kinda feeling hopless right now, i have everyones voices on my mind and i dont know how to voice it. i feel so dysphoric right now to the point of throwing up, i am feeling so much self ** and i feel like its down to choosing to be trans or choosing God, im paranoid lately after hearing that noise that reminded me of the rapture, i feel like God will come soon and i wont have chosen in time, and ill suffer and it will be my own fault. i feel like i need to give being me up in order to reach
30 Dec, 2024, 2:37 am
heaven in the end, im so scared and i feel like i should ** myself bc im so disgusting, i feel like thats what i am in the lords eyes because im trans, i feel like im a terrible being i feel so overwhelmed by the constant voices in my head its not even funny, everytime i go to eat i hear a voice saying not to when i look in the mirror i hold my hair up to look less feminine but i hear a voice telling me im sinning and i feel like not even you can answer this but maybe my grandma, she knows the
30 Dec, 2024, 2:41 am
lord more than anyone i know, but if i told her what would she think. i cant risk loosing her shes one of the biggest supports in my life, one of the only two people i can trust (other than you) i say i dont know how to pray but the Bible tells you how so whats my excuse, im so upset and i dont know what to say because once i feel a sort of way it passes to something else it feels like im going crazy it actually does and im sorry your dealing with me on top of your friend, know u say your not
30 Dec, 2024, 2:46 am
'dealing' with me but u kinda are (dont reassure me. this is true) i hve a voice telling me im posing, im seeking attention but i dont want to believe that, im sorry, i told my mom it worries me when everything is always so risky but shes says if something ever happens again to drop you. Never would i do that to you. ever. i didnt the first time and dont think my heart could, i need you day to day my mental health declines like the weather, without your voice silencing the others where would i
30 Dec, 2024, 2:46 am
even be.
30 Dec, 2024, 2:46 am
the words it censored were self ****
30 Dec, 2024, 2:46 am
ha
30 Dec, 2024, 2:46 am
t e
30 Dec, 2024, 2:47 am
good night
30 Dec, 2024, 3:03 pm
*hug* :c @Spicey64
30 Dec, 2024, 3:04 pm
check discord
30 Dec, 2024, 3:04 pm
@Spicey64 :heart:
31 Dec, 2024, 1:27 am
hii
31 Dec, 2024, 1:27 am
ilysvm TvT
31 Dec, 2024, 1:40 am
@Spicey64 ilysm :heart:
31 Dec, 2024, 1:49 am
*hugg*
31 Dec, 2024, 2:01 am
@Spicey64 HELPPP
31 Dec, 2024, 2:02 am
*hugggg*
31 Dec, 2024, 2:02 am
check new pot @Spicey64
31 Dec, 2024, 2:02 am
post**
31 Dec, 2024, 2:03 am
Wait im gong to get a shower byyeee for now :p
31 Dec, 2024, 2:05 am
@_PUMPKIN_ gjj!!
31 Dec, 2024, 2:06 am
@Spicey64 no what vix said....
31 Dec, 2024, 2:24 am
@_PUMPKIN_ oh yeah, idk how i fell abt that...
31 Dec, 2024, 2:48 am
...
31 Dec, 2024, 2:50 am
@_PUMPKIN_ are u there..
31 Dec, 2024, 3:09 am
Hii @Spicey64
31 Dec, 2024, 3:10 am
im abt to eat bc i didnt eat at dinner
31 Dec, 2024, 3:10 am
hi im feeling numb
31 Dec, 2024, 3:10 am
ok
01 Jan, 2025, 2:22 am
@_PUMPKIN_ pls check your notifications
01 Jan, 2025, 2:26 am
@_PUMPKIN_ please talk to me
01 Jan, 2025, 2:31 am
@_PUMPKIN_ pls..
01 Jan, 2025, 2:45 am
@Spicey64 hi
01 Jan, 2025, 2:46 am
@_PUMPKIN_ i feel rlly lonely
01 Jan, 2025, 2:46 am
and i dont feel good
02 Jan, 2025, 8:50 pm
@Spicey64 hey im srry... :c
06 Jan, 2025, 3:39 am
tmr can you just hold me in your arms, can we just hug for the longest time, i need it so badly
06 Jan, 2025, 3:51 am
:heart: I will hug u as long as u need :heart:
19 Jan, 2025, 11:24 pm
@_PUMPKIN_ why wont you answer my texts
21 Jan, 2025, 1:19 am
AYYYY UHMM....
sooo my thing is dead buttttt dooo u wannna calll?????
21 Jan, 2025, 1:19 am
@spicey64
29 Jan, 2025, 10:46 pm
please answer my texts
11 Mar, 2025, 8:42 pm
im not gonna chat i dont think bc im trying to spend time with my grandma