I kind of hate the fact that 1/10 people i meet are actually trustful and loyal to me, I hate it so much
I don't even want to go to school tomorrow because when I finally find my way out of this h3ll i get pushed right back in it by some toxic person.
My body breaks so much, at how people all my life told me "treat others how u want to be treated" but the people i treat well, they don't understand how to actually treat people.

My favorite motto has always been "don't fix it if its not broken"
But i try to fix everyone, and change them for better. But in the end im just wasting my kindness on someone who doesn't even deserve it. I hate her so fu-cking much, She's just like that girl who broke my heart. They should be best friends, theyre just as toxic as eachother. Theyre perfect for eachother.
That girl, has no idea how judgemental, rude, and a b!tch she is. at this point I don't even want to be friends with her
but I really don't know how to tell her i hate her.
Because i ACTUALLY CARE. UNLIKE HER I ACTUALLY CARE AND DONT WANNA BREAK HER HEART.

Shes such a narcissistic, Bipolar, toxic, heartless, judgemental, worthless, heart breaking son of a b!tch

@empty_cheese_can25

ayo bro ima make a song out of my rants :skull:

NOT U stupid ppl at my school

@empty_cheese_can25

:skull: ok buddy-

your so pretty... and i wish i could actually see you, and stare into your eyes. I'd give up everyone i love just to have one kiss.. just one. Its hard when they never feel the same way you do, while i'm crying and hurting because I miss their presence, or I just genuinely miss them so much i cry. I feel they ain't even caring that much.. I'm in an endless circle of love songs
we're like two lovebirds, drifting away is our love langauge
we're saying silent words, those silent words keep breaking everytime i reach out towards you.
I stare into your picture, it's always my reminder to keep going
im scared of losing you, that reminder's gone,
love can't always be strong...

@empty_cheese_can25 like the poem?

Where have you been? im stranded again..
Is this what love is like, im sorrounded by tons of people but all i feel is sad. Counting down the minutes until i can feel your arms around me, and falling for you by every word you say and every movement.
im dwelling on this obsession like your the only thing that's gonna fix what's broken.
Clingy is always used, as annoying and just a dog that follows you around. Please tell me im more than just someone who loves you too much,
everytime a teardrop falls down your cheek, I feel the pain like it's what was mine.
because it's what i spend my time doing the most
Making love songs is like my motto, for you.. you only
girl, just kiss me already.. if we aren't perfect for eachother, then what the h3ll would be perfect.
I know once i get a taste of something i've been craving my whole life, My soul would literally dissapear from my body.

@empty_cheese_can25 idk i guess i just wanted to see if u liked it :3

??

@empty_cheese_can25

... im gonna be honest im sick of you

@empty_cheese_can25 i understand, i was just mad at the fact u ALWAYS vented to me, I wanna be there for u but i struggle to not overdose. literally what I wanna do rn.. I was just tired of it

I feel bad, i should've been there for you, you shouldn't be the one apologizing u can't control what u go through but i pushed u away just bc i had my own issues.. damn.. i turned into the bad guy

No, u can share ur feelings its okay @empty_cheese-can25

btw dont read my vent messages

im tired of life... my gf and I are just barely standing. And I feel it's bc of me, I always knew if she ever left me i'd be the reason why. Always blaming myself..
im so depressed... I should be happy, thinking about home-coming but instead im upset thinking about relationships. Maybe taking a break is a good idea, it's what fixes the cracks in our bond..
My dads being a total b!tch again.... hate him
i wish i wasn't a fu-cking girl, hate me too...

its funny how everything goes wrong when i should be happy..
first day of school she found out i brought my cellphone.. took it
found my switch too- went through it
what next.. homecoming i'll get told "i dont love u anymore, were breaking up"
sitting there crying in my pretty dress.. or my parents wondering why im heartbroken..

why am i upset again... i hate my life so much, I look around and it seems like everyone else is happy
I hide everything i feel behind makeup like a mask
no im not okay... Everything is so difficult..
I hide all i feel from people, and then wonder why they dont notice what im stressed about..

most ppl tell me the reason im sad is because i dont distract myself, I just listen to music and cry to it and i just need to do something else that would make me happier

i try.. my happiness just dont last long they wont ever get it

@empty_cheese_can25

whats your question?

@empty_cheese_can25 my dumb ahh forgot to tag-

well-
i knew because i felt different most days, like i was something else and somedays i was insecure of my born gender, some days i wasnt. and somedays i felt like i wanted to be no gender at all

also i would realize some days id dress girly, some days like a boy, and somedays a mix of both

@empty_cheese_can25

@empty_cheese_can25

for instance, half the time im insecure about being a girl, and sometimes i actually like being a girl
depends on the person, some people feel like a certain gender for longer could be months , weeks, years-

@empty_cheese_can25 could i possibly vent to u...?

just promise me u wont say anything-

@empty_cheese_can25 thank you so much-

@empty_cheese_can25

I dont think my gf really likes talking to me anymore- idk if its something i've done? but she doesnt take out time for me anymore, probably anyone for that fact. I get she has a life too- and theres Time Zones, but shes had a whole week off of school and the longest conversation we've had was a really long time ago.
And im like "babe i miss you.. so much"
but honestly idk seems like she doesnt really give a sh!t how i need affection alot.

most people say to communicate to them if you have a problem.. but i dont wanna cause an argument and I've already told her the other day i was crying bc i missed her that much- but she still doesnt take out time for me, even after that. Like idk how she could possibly be busy... she has absolutely nothing to do

honestly i feel us drifting apart every second- and i told her i wanted us to be closer, but its the opposite now...
its probably my fault..

@empty_cheese_can25

@EMpty_cheese_can25 then why... does she not like me anymore?

@empty_cheese_can25

dude and she tells me why shes been gone and i feel like its all excuses, it could be true, but i feel like this is all a lie just so she wont have to talk to me.
She dont really care either.. about my vents.. like she'll reply to it, but half the time she changes the topic and im like dude- im having family issues im literally crying rn and you cant do anything?
but she does comfort me most of the time ig..

@empty_cheese_can25

i know.. no matter how hard i fu-cking try were just struggling, i bet she likes some other dude bro. and if she does im actually gonna k!ll myself.. i love her with all my heart and she KNOWS THAT
and nobody can randomly just fall out of love anyways.. i never did anything to cause that, unless she just lied that she liked me

@empty_cheese_can25 yeah im trying my best to not just dump all my problems on her, i realized i do that alot and having depression isnt good for a relationship. they want affection, and happiness, and love, and im just miserable, and i vent alot, and im really great at loving her i just am so depressed i cant anymore

@empty_cheese_can25 why didnt u tell me?... i wouldnt have vented if u were struggling too

@empty_cheese_can25

oh- i dont really talk abt my insecurities-

ok i cant go on bandlab rn
i will after school