and embarrassed and upset as i am to even admit that i thought that, it feels like i didnt think it at all. it feels like a puppetmaster trying to take over my thoughts, and take over me. a demon trying to control my life. an evi: clone sending me up and down spirals and spirals of stairs. 'what is wrong with me?' i think to myself. the thought of eating corpses has become more and more normalized through the fact that almost everyone i know does it. but at the same time, if almost everyone i...

Im sorry you feel like that i wish you didnt :(

know threw themelves off a bridge, would i follow? would i be a pawn? or would i be bold and stand my opinion and do what i believe is right? would i follow the crowd like a helpless lamb or would i be the one to change?
'my' thoughts are making me feel so conflicted. 'my' thoughts are going against, contradicting everything i have believed in for a very long time. and i promised, i swore to the most inner depths of my soul i would never do it again. never go back. but it feels like time...

after time after time i keep making the same mistakes. i fail. at this point why not give up and go against what my real self is telling me what is right and what is wrong. i cant help it. i am fighting so hard and trying my absolute best to ward off these evil spirits in my mind. but no matter what they keep coming back and taunting me. i know so much that the voices in my mind are no good. i need to listen to myself. but at the same time, do i? do i know? what if im being unreasonable? and...

as each thought passes, i begin doubting myself mre and more. what if i am the one being unreasonable and ive taken the wrong side? what if they are trying to save me? but no. that is just what they want you to think. i am being manipulated by the darkest version of myself to, ultimately, turn against... myself. the innerworkings of my mind are shrieking out for help. what is this virus that has taken over my brain? this poison? this lethal drug? truly, i cant help it. it keeps pouncing back...

over and over.
now i am overwhelmed. with the dark poetry running through my mind at what seems to be the speed of light, i have no chance to write it all down. i cant get my emotions out as much as i want to. this stupid long keyboard that uncomfortably sits in between my scrunching, cramping hands is not much help either. i just want to be free. free from this ******* curse. it binds my heart in the strongest of tapes. it feels as though wire is poking straight into my heart as tears are...

well heres something
just stop tinking about it if that dosent work ask others to help
tho im very stupid as outhers call me i think i can help someone

rushing straight into my eyes. am i being held gunpoint?
anyway, does it really matter if i feast on flesh, dead bodies? i mean, its what flies do, but who cares? what is the meaning of life? none of it is important in the end. why dont we die off anyway... there is nothing we can do to save ourselves from our worst enemy... ourselves. my mouth feels as it is being held with duct tape. 'are you ok?' 'yeah, why? im just fine.' its as though you can never say what you would really love to, but...

sometimes what if or what that
that made me stressed i dont know if this will help for you
but when i had so much stress i just preyed ik not evryones cristan but if you are ask god for help

it just never appears to be the right time. or as though someone will judge you. it just stays bottled up. and now my mind is cluttered with too much worthless ****. is it even much about the meat anymore? well, its still a big reason. but there are other factors. and no matter how much i try to stop thinking, the other half of me comes back to bite. trying to throw away my morals and personality.
and though pressure and tension has been building up, i believe what made me crack was a nervous...

also flys cant think they only do what there spost to do
they eat to live they dont car what there eating they dont even know what a body is
the meaning of life is not a meaning is your meaning
What you do determines your destiny

@CrYsTaL_CaT
if you ignore me
i cant help you
well i cant realy tell if your righting a poem or are in lots of stress

breakdown this morning. i had discovered my ice cream contained bone char, and probably just about everything ive had that contained added sugar, did. and so my mind wouldnt let go. and as much as i want to be free and not have to worry, its crushing my morals. and i guess, the same thought keeps coming back to me. 'well now youre finally understanding others point of view! just because they eat it, doesnt mean you have to. you wont think rudely of people anymore.' and while that is true, i...

...
uhh you know candy has bettle husks in it right?
wate will this help

know that the 'creature' behind my nightmarish thoughts seems more sinister than that. like its out to get me.
now this bundle of stress that i just cant hold together anymore is released, i realize its buildup from a bunch of other things. and i know this sounds gross, but like your teeth. having tons of soda without the proper care/treatment will create a buildup of plaque and bacteria. but its not only the soda. its other things, as well, such as candy and sweet treats. and then it gets...

so bad its at the 'point of no return.' that is, if you dont do anything about it the rest of your life.

while i still feel upset, i do think this vent has really helped me.

@Koraidon im sorry for not replying i just couldnt squeeze it in.

im going to take a break tomorrow.

welp it seams my stupid brain tryed to help and just made it worse

oh uhhh was this a poem orrrrr

oh my im sorry for what your going through. ill be a vegetarian if you want to

errrr- I'm a bit in an hurry rn- I'll talk to you in a bit

@Koraidon wha- I'm not gonna ignore this vent, I AM GONNA HELP

This vent is embarrassing... ******* why did i post thi

@Renns_World_65 you dont have to do that for me its fine its just about myself

...