I like the angle. Very cinematic

@Just_M0m1ji
hi
random
want u to know im here to help~
n if u wanna vent
dump it on me
ill hear u out

@Just_M0m1ji
okay
heres my thought process
u shouldnt dye ur hair because some ppl pick on u about it
honestly, its not worth even listening to those ppl
its not, it rly isnt
n u should block n report them (i think maggie is doing that, investigating them)

ur gf
hun
a relationship should be about love, care, n understanding
if u cant open up to her, n she cant bother to hear u out
then u shouldnt be w her
leave u for someone better?
hun, ur way better dan her in dat situation

@Just_M0m1ji
in my opinion, i dont think u should be in a relationship (im older than u n im not even in one)
i think u should focus on urself
n if ur mental health is crumbling, u should focus on that, then about her
theres a time n place for everything, u also have ur whole life ahead of u
shes prolly not the one

rn u should rly focus on u
i mean, if u dont, then ur relationship crumbles as well

@Just_M0m1ji
ill pray for u
for ur safety, happiness, n well being
we got chu :purple_heart:
ik God will protect u, even if u may not believe in him

@Just_M0m1ji
if u need to cry
then do
sometimes it helps u feel better
lttng urself feel the emotions helps u understand them

i may be biased(?) but, ur gf shouldnt treat u like dat, while u give her ur everything
like srly? ungrateful! (i get no men n dis is how a girl W a man treats him?!!)
she dont deserve u.
unless she rly does want to help n understand u
then give it a shot
but rn
ur a far better person dan she is
she needs to work on giving her time to others

@Just_M0m1ji
yeah
sounds like a good plan
i may be able to help w mental health advice
since mine cant get rly, but rly low at times
but ur best shots for advice is Maggie, she helped me alot w it

n about loving urself
hm, i struggle w dat too, but ive come to realize, u should accept urself, very slowly
meybe small things like looking in the mirror n saying "u look nice today"
another thing is, be nice to urself
treat urself like u treat others

@Just_M0m1ji
i beat up myself for the smallest things
n i only see what i couldnt accomplish instead of the many things i did
so
focus on the positive things bout urself
n perhaps make the bigger
n if u need help
theres always help around my friend group

@Just_M0m1ji
do u need help?
someone friendly to chat w?

@-Mommyjiji-
random ik
but it rly bothers me how mean ppl r to u when ur just existing
first the guy asking u to unfollow cuz they dont like u
now u get a gf n she says she wants to break up w u
it makes me upset

oh, yeah that kinda happens alot lol

there is also people getting mad at me for liking a band because they also like the band.. it sucks alot lol

@-Mommyjiji-
the frick is wrong w them.
no one deserves to be treated like dat >:(

they just dont like me, im used to it though. they make fun of everything from my favorite color to my my race.

@-Mommyjiji-
still dats not okay
u shouldnt be used to bullying
i mean, if it doesnt bother u n it means nothing ig its okay??
is there anyone who's actually nice to u?

i think i figured out who hacked my acc lol

umm just you, maggie, and purevanillashusband but he is only nice sometimes..

@-Mommyjiji-
oh man
y dont they like u??
was it the situation w ur brother?

n who do u think it was?

yeah the situation with my brother and the fact that someones girlfriend lead me on and pursued me for almost 3 months and then talked sh1t about me when i finally cut contact.
i think it was @/changbinnn they had a recent post on new scribbles with a purple heart saying that i shouldnt tell ppl my pass in a public place (i told someone on a REALLY old post meaning they stalked me to steal it) and not to mention they really dont like me and still call me by my deads brothers name and make (cont)

quite frequent posts telling me to kms along with @/juniperstar and @/grace_
@/mrsyongbok is the girl who persued me and i have HUNDREDS of screenshots of her emotionally cheating on her gf with me and now she is spreading fake rumours about my dead brother threatening to dox her (i checked this is very untrue) just because i told her i was tired of being used for her sick pleasure

@-Mommyjiji-
uve blocked these ppl right?
n have u reported them?

i dont have any of them blocked yet but if they comment anything rude on my posts ill block them
yeah, i reported those posts

and now that girl is saying that she was just pretending to like me to troll me. and everyone wonders why i second guess everything anyone says to me because i was just lied to for 3 months and someone pretended to like me just to turn around and stab me in the back. this woman put me thru literal mental tørtůre just for some laughs with her girlfriend.. like wdym none of it was real? i gave her my heart and helped her through MULTIPLE psychotic episodes and put myself through hell to help her..

@Takopis_original_sin just read this

@-Mommyjiji-
u shouldnt be treated like dat
n like i said before, if a lover does dat to u, leave ull save urself alot of trouble
im so sorry u had to go thru dat

@-Mommyjiji-
also
dont go tagging randoms here
its supposed to be a somewhat "private" chat between us

yeah sorry

@-Mommyjiji-
so how r u?

not the best

@-Mommyjiji-
wanna talk about it or chat about something else?

i dont really know. i just feel like i cant trust anyone around me

@-Mommyjiji-
understandable
uve been thru alot things dat arent fair for u

im not going to make u trust me (trust takes awhile to build)
but i am someone who's trustworthy
i dont like lying n im bluntly honest

i trust you quite a bit.
how was your day?

@-Mommyjiji-
for once i dont have to dodge dis question (dat shouldnt had made me as happy as it did)
my days been fine
was forced to get up early today since school would...be..starting soon. . .
my last yr of school. . . its a bit scary??
i spent the day cleaning the bathroom since my gradma is coming tomorrow (she lives in Puerto Rico)
n now im drawing one of my children in his manchild form

that sounds good (the drawing)
your gonna be a senior?! im going into my sophmore year next year.

@-Mommyjiji-
idk what ima do after highschool
been planning on moving out for me own space w bestie @/Vero
but dats loooong in the future
im also homeschooled (very lonely), n i hve 3 classes (ima lose my mind, school is physically triggering i hate it sm)

ouh.. i already know where im going after highschool. im going to become a doctor or a thérápíst specializing in eating disorder recovery.

@-Mommyjiji-
dats nice
helping ppl
its always been a dream of mine to be self employed n a freelancer
im tryna do dat, but its hard when u dont have money or a job to get u started on a business
n its even harder to do w strict parent eheeeeeehhh

eventually after getting the career area in my life done ill want to be a mother
buut dats so hard when ur scared of giving birth
the process of making the child
not having a husband
not having a bf
n not having any male friends at all TvT

@-Mommyjiji-
ur prolly like, the 3rd??
but also the only one i talk to???

well you seem like a very kind person so i dont think it wouldnt be difficult for you to get a bf/husband and there are other options such as adoption that are alot less scary.
i dunno im just making assumptions lol
im ur only dude friend?

@-Mommyjiji-
@/Wind_waker is a dude. . . by the way he talks
Larry. . . well im not sure?? meybe a dude??
n well, then u

i think i would be a great gf/wife
just, gatta wait for the right guy to show up
i constantly run into trans guys, nothing agaisnt them just
i want a biological guy
i only have girl friends T-T

its okey to wait, lets me work on myself
"patience is key" i say dat alot
i say as i rot away waiting for God to give me my prince

super off topic but idk why my paintings keep getting tagged as nsfw? its nothing inappropriate or anything against guidelines but they are all getting tagged nsfw? help mee :sob:

@-Mommyjiji-
when u post them
do u accidentally set them as nsfw?

no, i double checked them and i just posted them like a minute ago

@-Mommyjiji-
meybe a glitch of sorts?
u could always ask the devs themselves

also look
i posted a wip of the manchild
w the votes, he's officially going to end up being a small child (hes so dang cute!!!)

n ima go to the dishes
so brb

oh
fwens r always allowed to spam me randomly (vents, chat, stories, etc.) so feel free to do dat

i saw!!! they look awesomee!!
alrr

so i kinda need some advice

there is this girl who has a crush on me..
actually there is 2.
i want to try and move on but i genuinely am so messed up from linnea that the thought of dating another person seriously scares me and makes me feel like im cheating, even though she never loved me and we never dated. i dont know how i feel about these girls but it feels like i cant trust any of them. i have to 2nd guess everything they say because what if they are just like her?
(con)

i want to try to fall in love again but the concept is scary to me.
i feel like ill never fully recover because of what linnea did. she violated me and used me many times for months and she put me through literal mental tørtůre.
i genuinely want to get better but i dont see myself in love with anyone ever again.
she convinced me that she loved me and she used me for her *********.
she isolated me from all of my friends and made me feel like i was going crazy.
i dont know how to interact (cont)

amūsément

with other girls let alone how to move on and get in another relationship.
what do i tell these girls because i dont want to push them away but i dont want to hurt them in my healing process.. then again i dont think i will be able to heal withount jumping back into dating...
i dont know im just so confused. i trusted people and they stabbed me in the back over and over...

sorry for the rant

@-Mommyjiji-
its important to heal first
n healing alone is rly hard (ik i had to for a long time since im homeschooled)
i completely understand y u feel like dis

honestly, the other night after talking w u i thought to myself "i wish i could show u how a woman is suppose to treat a guy in a relationship"
but too scared to tell u since ur recovering from someting traumatic, n rly horrible (yet here i am telling u)
there r good woman out there
hard to find cuz well they r the good ones

@-Mommyjiji-
i havent rly dated anyone
besides my first bf back in 6th grade- (dayum dat was a long time ago o-o)
but thru out these yrs ive learn from othrs what to do n wht not to do
n y i am extremely picky w who i allow myself to fall
i havent fallen inlove
i havent had a crush sine 6th grade

thank you so much. you really are one of the kindest people i have met in a long time. you truely dont seem to have ulterior motives and i feel safe talking to you

i need to be pickyer lol i fall for anyone who gives me affection

@-Mommyjiji-
i am here to help u
after meeting u n hearring ur story
my first thought was "i need to be here for dis guy, he needs a good friend"
although i sometimes suck at starting conversations,n feel like i annoy u
i try my best to be a comfort, cuz well, i had no one when i was at my worse times
i wanna be a tiny light for those in darkness
ig its also a bit of practice for when i have a real child (not my fictional children)

@-Mommyjiji-
do to trauma, idk if ill let a guy be too affectionate w me if it isnt loving hugs

n also
since im touchstarved, a tiny bit of affection can change my mind of a person
meaning, if a manipulator knows dis, they could use dat against me

saing dis cuz ig ur main love language is touch?

dont make me cry :<
and you never annoy me. i love talking to you and i get lonely a lot.

@-Mommyjiji-
im always on here
i check everyday
u can spam me!
u comment, ill respond

phys touch and quality time are my love languages

i will :grin:

@-Mommyjiji-
same here
i love hugs
n i love spending time w ppl

unfortunately, it is time for me to play genshin w bestie

u can spam me here while i play
or maketh an acc n we can chat in the game whiles i play w bestie
its a good game w a good story if dats what ur into
n fantastic characters
but ik its not for everyone
just something new to try if ur interested

chat w u once im done playing!
*head pats cuz we all need some love*

i cant make any accs but i wish i could play :(
have fun, ill prolly be on when you get back

@-Mommyjiji-
aw dat sucks
how come?

no phone or any other electronics other than my switch and tv :/

blehh i kinda need sum1 to talk to

@-Mommyjiji-
i told u to spam me :<

@-Mommyjiji-
oh
bout the girls dat have crushes on u
ik dat u prolly want a gf, but too scared to cuz of ur previous
totally understandable
but i think u should stay single for awhile to get urself together
one thing ive learned is dat woman dont like a guy who's well too broken or not pulled together (not saying dat u r one of them, just ur recovering can get emotional)
it is okay for a guy to cry on her shoulders
just. . . not all the dang time yk?
cuz a guy-

@-Mommyjiji-
is supposed to be their protector, their shoulder
a girl is most often dan not more emotional n show it more dan men

i think theres a way to say dis better???
like
u protect her outer world
she protects ur inner world
u give her love
she gives u life
*cant remember the rest
but its sorta in those lines

its totally okay to cry n breakdown
u just need someone who knows how to help u pick urself up
n will always be there
friend or gf

@-Mommyjiji-
unfortunately there is no way of turning down someone w out them getting hurt at all
dats part of rejection
n its not a bad thing either
we can have happy w out sad
we cant have acceptance w out rejections
its part of life
if the way they react is toxic
then buddy, walk away, cuz u just saved urself from a bear trap
if they're understanding, they prolly a good person
n when ur ready, ask them if theyre still interested

@-Mommyjiji-
remember i said u need to be picky?
u need a process for dat
have realistic standards, n if they dont meet them, dont accept them as a lover

ill explain mine
its sorta simple??

@-Mommyjiji-
if i meet a guy
i NEED to get to know them
likes, dislikes, personality, religion etc.

first step is hard to pass
i personally want my bf to be Christian (its a priority)
n other normal non religious factors come w it

mature but silly/fun
kind
understanding
respectful
pretty normal non religious

here the religious part
spiritually healthy
follows the 10 commandments (specifically, getting married n then seggo)

i think dats it?
its important to me so if any guy dat wants-

@-Mommyjiji-
to date me has to respect my standards n if they RLY wanna be w me, will go out of their way to meet the standards

cuz dats love
if they say "i wanna date u" but treat u like trash n dont respect u
leave. nothing good waits there
i respect everyone unless they disrespect me

some ppl may bully me for rly following my religion
it helped me become a better person
so y should i stop? y should i hide it?
i dont shove in ppls faces
i simply tell them what its done for me
n y i follow it

@-Mommyjiji-
so if i sometimes bring up Christianity like dat
im sorry if i make u uncomfortable
im not trying to shove it in ur face

i see it more like referencing a game or movie etc.
make sense??

@-Mommyjiji-
also
dis is what i mean by "feel free to spam me"

yeah i get the religion part. i ended up goingon a night swim a bit after i sent that message so mb. good morning tho

@-Mommyjiji-
mor-. . .
morning. . .
im not used to saying dat n it still being moring. . . o-o
parents r forcing me to get up early
i hate it
i have no motivation to do anything
i used to ge up at 12:40 or 1pm ehe. . .
i function better if its late

@-Mommyjiji-
did u enjoy ur night swim?

it was good
what time is it for you rn?

@-Mommyjiji-
rn its 12:59

ur an hour behind me
srry i just got back from swim
im soo sore T-T

@-Mommyjiji-
i am in great pain n boredom
wanna draw the chalk babies together but....
im struggling ;-;
i blame waking up early on the motivation

im super bored too, idk what i wanna draw

@-Mommyjiji-
hmmm
i rly wanna draw Julius w his loong gorgeous hair down hmm

how bout
a bunny?
can u draw a bunny?

i cant draw any animals :/

@-Mommyjiji-
not even in a cute chibi form like i drew Ducky?

hmm

sadly no
how are u tho?

@-Mommyjiji-
its hot
n im in greater pain
tho i figured dat Gravy (a chalk baby) would wear glasses

oh no :/
thats good though, i wear glasses too

@-Mommyjiji-
im supposed to wear glasses
but they annoying
plus
it just sharpens things from far away
not dat important

i also dont like the new frame i got
i want my rounded ones back
n i wanna give Gravy rounded clear glasses too :>

i have old man wire frame square glasses rn and i usually wear contacts bc of swim and stuff but w/o my glasses im legally blind so i cant drive or take tests withount them

@-Mommyjiji-
i just learned im not dumb
im just number disabled TvT
i have number dyslexia...!!
i already forgor how to spell it amazing
it makes so much more sense now
i rly thought i was stupid.......
all dis cuz i was researching illnessess for my characters

oh dayum :0
im very happy rn
remember that girl i told u abt last night, the xweet one who has a crush on me? i did what you told me and told her abt my situation and she said "dw i want you to take your time jiji" aghhhdfhrkhgmh,hjc
im so frickin happy

@-Mommyjiji-
its called dyscalcuila

n dats good!
do take ur time
recovery takes a long time
im still recovering from something from YRS ago

@-Mommyjiji-
i didnt think going thru my old vent art would "cheer" me up
eh...
whatever ill...live

hope ur having a better night or day dan i am..
:purple_heart:

good morning, sorry for not responding last night. whats up, do you wanna talk about it?

@-Mommyjiji-
just
got depresso last night
tried going to sleep
only to spiral n eat Vero's time up
the got upset cuz i keep saying im a waste of time n they dont like it when i say dat
they asked me to be positive, look on the bright side of getting school done
"the faster u finish it, the sooner ull be free"
i asked "do i even deserve freedom?"
i completely spiraled after asking dat question
left them cuz they have work in the morning
n i dont wanna cause them work trouble

@-Mommyjiji-
i got upset
im being forced to wake up early
n if i dont
ill lose my privileges n be force to go to bed early
(even after going to bed at 2am, i stay up till 3 or 4am)
n last school i was sent to bed at 10
can u guess what time i do sleep at?
12am - 2am
its so stressfull
i woke up 5 hrs ago, only now am i starting to wake up
now i have the motivation to get ready for the day
n its 1:09pm!!!

im sorry, i wish i could have been on to help but i was very busy this morning, you can talk to me but i agree with them, you arent a waste of time and you do deserve freedom. i believe in karma, you have been a good person and done so many good things, so good things will come to you and everything will be in balance.

i have always been a night owl and an early bird so im able to be awake very quickly lol

@-Mommyjiji-
my parents do their best to raise us
just my big "brother" scared them so much dat they got so strict w me n my lil brother
im scared of making mistakes, asking for help, talking to them, because of the way they reacted to all of "brother's" drama n situation
feels a bit suffocating
n they make school feel like a prison
n any lil screw up like a disappointment
i wanna leave
but so scared of hurting them

normally i would say "i wish i was dead"
but Vero asked me to not say dat...

i kind of understand that, i have really strict parents and overachiever siblings so im kinda the black sheep of my family but you shouldnt let them make you feel smaller than you are. you arent dissapointing and if they dont see how wonderful and talented you are then they dont deserve you.

@-Mommyjiji-
they prolly see it
just
dont know how to handle me
out of everyone in the house
im the most creative (u can see it in the rooms, mine has sm personality)
my brothers were lazy gamers
lil bro is trying to do new things, just, not sure what
n we dont talk about big "brother"

i will admit
my parents r better dan their parents
but ill strive to be better dan mine
so my child wont grow up to hate themselves
like how i kinda hate myself

tbh i think ur the only person who hates you.

@-Mommyjiji-
i am my own hater TvT
been a hater of myseld since i was lil
like before the age of 7 (ik cuz...any memory dats from Puerto rico is from 7 or below the age of 7)
started w my hair
then my looks
the my clothes
then my voice, my personality, artstyle, likes dislikes
only thing dats ever been consitent in my life
is my self hate -.-

well i think you are very cool and i get super excited everytime i see a notification from you. you are knd and im 99.9% sure that someone like you is beautiful on the outside too.

@-Mommyjiji-
idk
u be the judge even tho u cant see my face on my channel
im extremly insecure bout like looks
n in my "i gave my room a makeover video"
theres a part where im getting ready n i say "i wear wigs cuz i rly rly rly dislike my hair"

ouhhh well from what i can see u look awesome and you genuinely seem like a fun person to be around.

@-Mommyjiji-
idk if im fun?
i havent hanged around a friend for the past 5 yrs
but i mean
ig im fun in genshin w vero? (u can see it on my channel, like venti falling into the abyss)
Vero says that genshin is the closest they ever been to recognizing my "body language"
like
standing still is either im sad or distracted
constantly silly walking n getting on their characters means im hyper
if im quiet but moving im prolly okay
but quiet, not moving, n only communicating thru emojis means im upset

they noticed all of that ehe

they seem like a really good friend

@-Mommyjiji-
they r
they literrally just found a video titiled "adhd procasinating"
n they said after watching that. . . .they understand me better
n im currently watching it
n boy. . ..yes. . .its .. .. . .all true
i hope i can actually....work w my adhd instead of trying to fight it back T-T

bro im bingeing all ur videos rn and they are all so good!!

@-Mommyjiji-
aw tysm!!
i think i have another pending?
n im a lil sad dat Hu Tao only has like 25 view ;-;

ughh as soon as i get an actual acc im gonna be flooding ur comments and gettin u loads of subs. :heart:

@-Mommyjiji-
i would love more comments tehe
so far
whats ur favorite video?

hmm can i choose multiple?

@-Mommyjiji-
yup
i am indescive as heck
so i get having multiple favorites

the room redo vid and the pause challenge vid
but i like them all alot!

@-Mommyjiji-
after a whole week, my room is complete
tehe
i rly likes the xioa amv ehe
so good~~

oh yeah i also loved that one, i dont know the character well but the editing was on point with the lyrics!!

@-Mommyjiji-
theres lots of good characters
Xioa is an adeptus (chinese creature or soemthing)
he's been cursed by karma debt,
its the like hated n evil of gods that died
he has to clean that up
hes the conqueror of demons
n hes constantly fighting them
the karma debt can affect ppl n hurt them
thats y the lyrics says "dont get too close" n imagined him walking away from his friends
he's like 500+ yrs old??
n is very sad n lonely
so when i heard my demons i thought of him

hmm that maies sense, i really want to get into genshin at some point

ughh im gonna cry,

@-Mommyjiji-
y u cry?

sorry i vanished
i got distracted

its all good,
ppl are impersonating my dead brother again

@-Mommyjiji-
again?
who r they?
did u report them??
or blocked them?

thy already left but it kinda left a sour taste in my mouth today
im leaving for a party later tonight and i prolly wont be back until tomorrow evening so im sorry if i stop responding

im trying to break the everyday cycle like maggie suggested and hopefully there are no panic attacks

@-Mommyjiji-
sorry for not responding
i was busy today
n tomorrow aswell
(n i always remember i have ur friend code right when i fall asleep n forget the next morning eheeeeehhh)

stay safe hun
n be careful
n if u panic
vent to me
even if im not here
:purple_heart:

heyyy so i failed miserably at breaking the cycle..
i spiraled and attempted last night so... yeah

@-Ames- i really need your help

@-Mommyji- @-Mommyjiji-
so u got logged out?
write ur password down silly

@-Mommyjiji-
pls dont do anything desperate hun
im rly starting to deeply care about u
i understand phasing something is hard (ik from experience)
but from what ive learned is to go to someone who can comfort n help u

(looks like were both spiraling TvT'')
pls dont attempt anythng....not..
not another friend pls...

@-Mommyjiji-
can u pls come online?
u making me feel uneasy n ur worrying me

hey.. im alive ig

@-Mommyjiji-
*gives u a tight hug*
dont scare me like dat hun ;-;

*hugs back*
sorry...

@-Mommyjiji-
*clings
u okay?
wanna talk about it?? ;-;

idk.. i dont wanna bug you

@-Mommyjiji-
sometimes its better to talk about it
process the emotions
n hey, im free from school
im painting rn, u aint gonna but me hun

i just feel like a waste of space and there are such kind sweet people around me and they help me feel better, but when they are upset i dont know what to say and i freeze up. i dont know how to comfort people and i feel like im wasting everyones time...
i really just want to disappear so that i stop annoying people
but im scared to die.

@-Mommyjiji-
oohhhhh
i understand-
i didnt make u feel like dat did i?? ;v;''''

no its not you but idk... i feel like i dont deserve the comfort

@-Mommyjiji-
. . .
so dis is how its like to be Vero. . .

hun, everyone deserves comfort
u havent done anything bad, u seem sincere to me
to me u dont seem like the kind of person dat needs to be punished
u need some help
im willing to help u
but at the end of the day, its ur decision to accept it

n another thing, dying wont help anyone
not u
not me
not ur family
life is difficult, ik dat, but its worth living

you are gonna have to introduce me to this vero person lol
thank you so much

@-Mommyjiji-
Vero already knows about u
tho i barely mention dat i have other friends
they get a bit jealous n like ima leave them behind (cuz dats what happened to their other friends, forgot n left them)
they dont know dat they r stuck w me ehehehe
ill be happy to introduce u to them whenever we get the chance

yah i understand that feeling
but u dont seem like the type to just leave sum1 behind
i need to get better at making friends in the meantime :disappointed:

@-Mommyjiji-
i stick around till the other person doesnt call back
if i dont text. . . we never talk again
Vero n me aint like dat
i was scared dat they were gonna leave me (the panic i get when i think dat)
but they said they'll stick around as long as i stick around
we both work the same way
one time in genshin, playing coop w 4 ppl
n they ran off cuz they werent psrt of the conversation
i legit ran after them like
"Y R U RUNNING?!!"

lmao im usually the person to reach out but i feel like i annoy ppl alot so i ghost everyone for like a day or two at a time, ill try not to do that with you.
im waiting for my nails to dry

@-Mommyjiji-
u rly scared me not coming online yesterday
ive lost a few friends
n i did recently lose a friend. . .
hasnt been online for a few months n i rly miss her
she talked about kiIIing herself a few days before vanishing
now i actually think shes dead
n she was young too
children these days
think sui is the answer

w u disappearing gave me flashback of the others
so pls
dont vanish lik dat
its oky to stay quiet n all
but not vanish ;v;

i promise i wont.
thank you

@-Mommyjiji-
*hugs
thxs

after yrs im finally realizing sui rly isnt worth it
i wish to tell u that
it feels wrong for me to even say "i wish i was dead"
no i dont
i wish my problems were fixed
dats what i want

@-Ames-
Thank you so much for hearing me out
i wanna figure out how to help and comfort the people i love and care about just like you do

@-Mommyjiji-
it takes alot of practice
i struggle to comfort Vero
heck
i struggle w u
mostly cuz its thru text
i usually show affection as a way of comfort
which is hard to do thru text TvT

same i give rlly good hugs but can do that thru text

@-Mommyjiji-
same
in public school i was known for my hugs

i would rly like a hug from u
a hug from a guy would feel so good n warm TvT

lol yeah i would give you the biggest bestest hug

@-Mommyjiji-
yey :D

n i would too
give u the hugs u deserve

@-Mommyjiji-
i havent spoken to a boy in a nonchalant way in such a long time that im blushing now TvT''

dont make me cryy :(

@-Mommyjiji-
im not trying to make u cry!
sorry...!

its ok its happy tears

@-Mommyjiji-
happy tears?

yeah sorry

@-Mommyjiji-
*gives tissue
its okey hun

thank you

@-Mommyjiji-
im almost done w my painting :D

yay!!! whatcha painting?

@-Mommyjiji-
#Venti n #scaramouche or #wanderer
in watuh color :>

niceee
i think i messed up

@-Mommyjiji-
messed up?

yeah i think i messed up with angel...

@-Mommyjiji-
a person?
what happened?

yeah we were talking and she said i was "acting weird" and thats what linnea always used to say and then linnea would leave for hours at a time and now angel isnt talking to me and im kinda freaking out

@-Mommyjiji-
hm. . .
what do they mean acting weird?
n if u r
talk about it
not leave

what do u think it is?

nvm we fixed it i was just overthinking
she meant that i was acting more clingy than usual (im a rlllly clingy person when i get comfy with sumone)

@-Mommyjiji-
oh
oke
i over think aswell. . . its sorta a curse TvT

i understand the clingliness. . . my parent dont like it tho

srry i was at a job interview
btw i saw ur paintings, they look lovely

@-Mommyjiji-
i gave out 2 applications n never got a called back TvT

dayum
i hope i get this job, its at a really nice place and they pay well

@-Mommyjiji-
eh
it would be nice to get a job but
i wanna be self employed
make money of my art
but first i need a crowd an audience
y my yt channel is important to me

i dont wanna live a normal boring life
i wanna have an interesting career yk?

that sounds really funnn

@-Mommyjiji-
yeah it will be fun
but its a harder way of living
its not stable
its a bit scary tbh
but every step counts
im almost at 100 subs
n all i need is 1000 subs to get monetized n make money off my videos n like 3000 watch time TvT
i can do it
ik i can~

i know you can. ill put alll of my friends on your channel

@-Mommyjiji-
im excited to make more content
i cant do the one i rly wanna do (music, more cosplay but w someone, Vero lives states away from me ;-;)
i wanna sing n dance, but i have no private place to do that
as u saw my room is small n has a sliding door n curtain for privacy

yeahh that kinda sux :/

@-Mommyjiji-
tomorrow ima try to learn a new song on my piano
its been forever since ive played

i took 30 minutes in the shower? dang. . .

you should try to take a video of itt!! i would watchh

@-Mommyjiji-
thats what im planning to do
ima attempt to learn blue by yung kai
or finish the song i attempted to play in my room video

that song makes me cry everytime lol

@-Mommyjiji-
to me its Vero n I's friendship theme song
i used the song for a music video for our 2nd anniversary
i cant post it cuz locating where i got every piece of content innit would be tiring
lik i gotta give credit to artist, videos, etc.
so
cuz of dat the song has a special place in my heart

thats rlly sweet

@-Mommyjiji-
*hug
morning...
had an awful night
even tho yesterday went so smoothly
i woke up panicked 30 minutes after i fell asleep
i was at the edge of an existential crisis
i knew it was gonna get bad cu i ran out of my room in search for comfort
but my dad wasnt up yet (has insomnia, usually gets up by 2 am or 3am)
so i just wen back to bed all alone
i hae bad sleep T-T

*hugs tight*
im sorry i wish i could have comforted you
im glad you are ok now though.
how can i help make it better?

@-Mommyjiji-
um im not sure?
u responding was enough to maketh me feel better
*more hugs*
u can spam me while im in school
only in for 3 hrs
im out by 12, n i think dat woukd be 1 for u??

ok but i have therapy at 11-12 my time bit ill spam u as much as i can

@-Mommyjiji-
okie
have a good day
talk to u later

talk to you later!

i just got a call back from that job i applied for!!!

I GOT THE JOBBB!!!!
lets fricken goooo

i start on the 18th!!!

@-Mommyjiji-
oh dats so awesome!!!
*hugs
goo for uu!!

*hugs back*
how was school?

@-Mommyjiji-
not as good as yesterday
i slept for an hr
math burned me brain

sizzle sizzle
thats ur brain after maths

@-Mommyjiji-
i said i was gonna learn a song today
but i cosplayed Tighnari instead . . .. .

close enough

i got new manga and a t-shirt today

@-Mommyjiji-
ooh
whats the manga?

i got the rest of 'play it cool guys' and 'blood on the tracks'

@-Mommyjiji-
sorry fo late response
wifi went bye bye
anxiety attacks
shower
n now more chores

aww :(
what do you want to talk abt?
i really want to talk to you

@-Mommyjiji-
*has chores to do
. . . um
idk?
ono'

@-Mommyjiji-
meybe we can chat tonight???
im not sure
meybe after school tomorrow like yesterday
*hugs

*hugs*
ofc! have a nice night!!

@-Mommyjiji-
raw
cleaning up n prepping for genshin
we have a minute or 2 to chat

ookie
how was your day?

@-Mommyjiji-
tiring
oh
i did post a video tho

OMW imma watch dat right now

@-Mommyjiji-
okie~

@-Mommyjiji-
welp
im done cleanng up
ill be eating a snack n joining Vero on genshin now
see u later tonight *hugs

@-Ames-
cyaa!!!

@-Mommyjiji-
the Internet went out when i wa supposed to get on here last night ;-;
sorry we couldnt chat a bit

its ookie!!

@-Mommyjiji-
lost Internet twice tosday T-T

dayumm

@-Mommyjiji-
y do u come online exactly when i leave?
y do i have dis timing w every one of my friends????

idk i just went shopping

@-Mommyjiji-
whatcha get?
foob?

um yeah i went to target and got blue hairdye, 3 tshirts, 2 new jeans, new shoes and sum candy and then i went to starbucks and some culvers it was yummy

@-Mommyjiji-
ur younger dan me n u have a life like that
what i was doing at ur age was. . . .
crying cuz i had no life
no job
n no skills
n the only time i went out was for groceries.
im also broke, cant buy anything w 3 dollars TvT

dayum
i have been saving up money since i was 10 and i have a dad who wants to buy my love sooo . . . i get monthly checks of like 150 bucks and then i earn my own money
its ok i guess, ppl like to talk to me bc of it . . . .

@-Mommyjiji-
i never learned how to handle money
parents never taught me
n when i try asking them if they could teach us by giving us money for doing chores
they say no
so, whenever i get money on christmas n my bday
it all goes to fun things like cosplays n wigs
n my parents look at me as im wasting my money
bruh what am i gonna spend it on?
food???
nah man
ima enjoy it n buy a cosplay
dis christmas ima get an alhaitham cosplay tehe
n ima wear it for my graduation~~
my first full cosplay was a 2b cosplay (dont wear it cuz i have no idea how to fix dat, im so small its so baggy in the booba area)
then Venti (which is on my channel, n ive messed w it so much its finally functional n comfortable)
next is Alhaitham
idk if i can pull that muscular man off, but ill try

yeah i wish i could do more cosplay i have only done one before
i dont mean to change the subject but have you seen @/-eixxil 's post abt me?

@-Mommyjiji-
no i havent
what is it?

@-Ames-
check my most recent liked
i dont know why she still posts abt me, isnt it enough to ruin my mental health for 3 months and make me wanna kms?
ill tag u in my confrontation rq

@-Mommyjiji-
nvm
i just saw it

@-Mommyjiji-
no no wait
dont tag me in those post

@-Mommyjiji-
atleast delete the comment that u tagged me in TvT

alr
she doesnt check that unless i tag her btw

@-Mommyjiji-
okay

out of curiousity (ur prolly not going to answer)
but r u Kyo?
n would ppl claim that u r?

even if u r Kyo i wont judge u, not the first time ive had a friend fake their death n their familie's
it was my first friend on colors
she came back to apologize for lying, i didnt trust her like before but, i was so happy she was back
she was nice
n so r u
not gonna hate u for lying about dis

im not lying. i swear to you. im not kyo but i understand why ppl think that, its a little unbelievable

@-Mommyjiji-
okay i understand hun
if i made u panicked im sorry
not my intention
just wanted a clear ish answer
*hugs

*hugs*
its ok

i love the new short XD

@-Mommyjiji-
which one again?

the cosplay one
it made me giggle

@-Mommyjiji-
oh
yeah, tighnawi
planning on doing something w Vero since... im feeling kinda lonely

i did nothing but ribbon a corset today TvT

oh dayum :/

@-Mommyjiji-
tomorrow is another day....i can try again....
3rd times the charm ;-;

how are you?

oh btw i wanted to ask what is it like being homeschooled?

@-Mommyjiji-
its lonely
never changing
having ur room be ur work place, bedroom, a place to relax, n a safe place is not good for ur brain
agonizing w strict rules
like srly, if we wander around the house for 5 seconds we get in trouble
if ur caught doin anything but school ur in trouble
locked up n isolated 24/7
only going out for groceries
lose all ur social skills
have literally no friends
n get in trouble for having online friends

srly Vero is the only reason y im still alive
i hate skool

@-Mommyjiji-
i was a social butterfly
i would go to school excited, high fiving my friends, hugging them as we switched classes, be the quiet kid in some classes, the loud kid in others, n teachers pet in some
food was amazing, pizza everyday for lunch
like
the lunch lady didnt even ask me what i wanted
she just looked at me n served me pizza
they were so chill
all the classes were fun
i didnt learn cräp, but atleast it was fun
felt like i was growing up too
i still feel like im 13 yrs old

i guess tht makes some sense . . .
i hate going to public school for different reasons

yesterday the theatre teacher (my favorite teacher) got arrested for having child pøřņøgřáphy and sa/ing several young boys
i never feel safe and my eyes are always on the exit
we have had not 1 not 2 not 4 but 6 lockdowns because of threats to the school 2 of which happened . . .
i get bullied and tormented 24/7
i feel isolated while being in a crowded room
i hate my school too lol

@-Mommyjiji-
guess it depends on the school n person
my parents took me out of public school cuz the school system was getting bad
ig u just prove it?

yeah i guess so
you most likely are able to understand the information you are taught better than i am.
when did you start being homeschooled?

@-Mommyjiji-
8th grade
out of the blue too
so almost 5 yrs

dayum...
i hsve a questionnn . . . .

@-Mommyjiji-
yuh?

what do i do if my gf says "we need to talk later tonight"
is she mad at me?...

@-Mommyjiji-
means a few things
good or bad news
upset w something
wants to break up
wants to improve something w u
or ask u something important

ughhh that makes me feel 0% better :disappointed_relieved:

@-Mommyjiji-
it could mean alot of things
i mean
if i were to tell my bf that
it would be any of those choices i listed

Ughhhhh
what if she wants to break up?

@-Mommyjiji-
then just do?
i told u, u need some time for urself
meybe its just God telling u to do that??
if she does, u still have friends to hang w

true
i need to calm down its not that big of a deal

@-Mommyjiji-
it'll be alright bud
*head pats

bud is a new one lol
how are you feeling today?

@-Mommyjiji-
i used many different nicknames
dear, hun, silly, bud, dummy

im okay
i am cold
wearing a dress my grandma gave me
n i fixed up my corset so it should be okay to put on now
it was so nice standing up straight
i shrimp so much

lol i bet it looks awesome!!! im trying to arrange things with friends so im not so lonely lol

@-Mommyjiji-
i trying to do things like finish my baby dragons
cosplay for yt videos
learn a song
finsih school
draw something
but no
i choose to watch video
skip lunch
n go outside :>

have you watched horimiya?

@-Mommyjiji-
yup yup
one of my favorites~~
i rly want a Miyamura

lol i need a hori :disappointed:
its one of my faves too i was just rewatching it the other day

@-Mommyjiji-
i only watch it during spring
the same week i first saw it
n funnily enough
the next yr i rewatched it
i met my bestie who also loved Horimiya
Vero has the whole manga set!
when we live together they gonna let me read it :D

who is ur fave character?

@-Mommyjiji-
Miyamura
Remi
Yuki (i technically look like her if my hair was shorter n straight)
Yanagi~~
Shindo
Shu... (the big brother i wish i had)
. . .i forgot his name
Kyoske??? (Hori's dad)

@-Mommyjiji-
so did u talk w ur gf?

yeah i talked with her it wasnt anything bad

@-Mommyjiji-
was it any of the things dat i said it could have been?

she wanted to ask me something and it wasnt rlly that important

@-Mommyjiji-
so how r u doin?

ehh
im a bit worried
and im starting to get sick

my city is on a high risk boil alert and i think i accidentally drank some of the water now i have been throwing up all day and i have a migrane

and now my gf isnt eating and she is worrying me again

@-Mommyjiji-
oh thats not good
i hope u feel a bit better
n i hope she gets a better eating schedule

yah
do u have a phone #?
if so can i have it? its fine if not

@-Mommyjiji-
i have a phone
but no number (only used for music n photography)
shocking ik
17 yr old w no phone number
its not like i need one anyways
i dont got places

aww :/ okiee

@-Mommyjiji-
hoi
ive been busy~
n it seems ill continue to be but
how r u? :>

looks like i go sick TvT

oh nooo

@-Mommyjiji-
dat medicine worked like a charm :0
i feel a lot better dan last night :>

thats good!!

hey

@-Mommyjiji-
hii
wassup?

ive been rly busy late
sorry me not on alot

its ok i just wanted to check in on u

@-Mommyjiji-
oh dats so sweet
*squishes ur face*
i hope ur doin okay~
ima attack my to do list tomorrow
wish me luck

sounds funn <3

@-Mommyjiji-
i had a panik attack last night yippie~
weird how my mental state cant handle having a good day...
so it ruins it by trigerring anxiety n giving me an existential crisis.....WHILE ASLEEP!!

oh :[ im so sorry..

@-Blue_Sunflower-
i am alive .-.
busy w school n making products

@huggiesfromlixxie
yayy im glad ur aliveee

@-Blue_Sunflower-
i rly havent been checking huh...
im avoidng checking at night cuz i end up doomscrolling n losing sleep TvT

oh, im just glad your alive. hru?

@-Blue_Sunflower-
eepy deepy
a lil stress
n nervous to make sales..
yeah im...about to start selling things, hopefully by tomorrow
dunno if anyone would buy it...dats what makes me nervous

@-Ames-
whatcha sellin?

@-Blue_Sunflower-
ima sell a portion of my bracelets.....i have like...64 bracelets i think?
i make all of dat in the last 2 weeks
i will end up selling all of them
but yk
baby steps first

after dat, me n Vero r gonna work on sticker designs
which i will draw here on colors

noice!! that sounds cool!

@-Blue_Sunflower-
my hair has gotten so long T-T

is tat a bad thing?

@-Blue_Sunflower-
i dont like my hair
never did, prolly never will
i dont like long hair
too much, it looks like a lions mane
but
me n Vero promised each other to not cut it till we meet
so..we often joke were gonna meet tomorrow
get a plane ticket n fly here
but
ill be optimistic....see if i can find a way i can like it

@-Blue_Sunflower-
?

your hair, i think you are judging too harshly lol

@-Blue_Sunflower-
u tagged ur gf
dats y im ?

@-Blue_Sunflower-
n ive always hated my hair
idk if datll change ehe

mb, im just a bit slow :disappointed:

@-Blue_Sunflower-
oh
its oke

@-Blue_Sunflower-
hello~

hey sorry for not reaching out

@Moon_flower
its alright
were all busy it seems

yeah kinda

@Moon_flower
*hugs cuz we prolly both need it

thank you

@Moon_flower
*clings cuz touch starved
u okay or meh?

not the best tbh
ill live tho lol
how are you?

@Moon_flower
im awful
feel abandoned
interrogated
alone
anxiety
i crave male attention
touchstarved
n extremely stressed
so restless aswell

yuh -n-

oh, im so sorry :<

@Moon_flower
it sucks
cant so anything about it

but i did make a danger noodle

ohh fun!!
im sorry i wish i could help

@Moon_flower
*hugs cuz fam no communicate
;-;

whats going on?

@Moon_flower
my family just cant seem to communicate at all
its stressful
for dis reason i dont talk to them

about a week ago i was interrogated n threatened
said "talk to us or we'll take ur privileges away"
they didnt fix the issue
infact made it worse

i love them
but i dont wanna live here
n on my own i wont have enough to move out
heck i only have $3
they barely helped when getting a job
"yes gettung a job is stressful"
i dont mean dat
i mean asking u for help w getting one is stressful

not everything has to be serious or stressful
u just make it stressful
u coddled us so much yet expect us to know thing
n u get mad at us for not

i dont like waiting on u
i dont like asking for permission
u locked me up to the point i am too scared to go outside
u say i dont need friends
i dont have to feel dis way

u dont even know how to help me
yk i dont wanna be average
n ive spend the last 5 yrs rotting in bed
im pathetic
im useless
incapable of doing anything useful

my life is insanity

n when ppl come to make it better, or break the loop n having fun
u say im misbehaving..
for doin somthing different...
heck u say studying when its not school is strange..

i get migraines just looking around the house
n i think the world is how far my eyes can see from the back yard...

can i just be free..?
or do i not deserve freedom because dat would be misbehving..?

@Moon_flower
sorry for the unexpected dump
i didnt even expect it
didnt write it before cuz i didnt have the energy for it
infact
i barely have the energy to do anything at all
dont have the energy for sleep if dat makes sense at all

yeah i know how you feel but in the exact opposite if you know what i mean
im really neglected and told that i need to go away all the time. they never want me around and they just tell me to work harder and get out of their house.

@Moon_flower
*hugs
u should move out as soon as u can
u dont deserve to live in a place w ppl like dat

dont push it tho
ull overwork urself to death
have a stable plan, n save up money
*cuddles

i already have a ton saved up and when i turn 18 im moving linnea and i out of our houses and into a nice apartment while im in college. when i finish college then i can become a doctor ad make lots if money so i can support her

@Moon_flower
sounds like a good plan

my plan is to finish school
get a house w Vero when
n look for a job
all dis after i turn 18
which is....in 4 months....

are you ready for it?

@Moon_flower
nope

w my strict parents its going to be abit hard
ive tried meeting Vero almost 3 times within dis yr

after i turn 18 ima try to get out more, since my parents cant tell me what to do anymore
unless they still choose to baby me like they still do today

while Vero can buy a cheap house right now
we decided not to
because i wanna help them moving n all
n i cant move out cuz my parents still have control over me

ill finish school w the lil sanity i have
so
ill prolly move out by may?

alright
im already pretty set to move out
i could pay for a nicer apartment
and please dont tell lin but im already looking at engagement rings
we talked about getting engaged quickly

@Moon_flower
ah i hope she likes it
n i hope ull both have a happy life together

thank you
me too

hey, how are you doing? im worried about you

@Moon_flower
im doin a bit better
thxs for checking in..
*hugs

how r u?
everything well w u?

im just surviving ig
exams are soon so studying is important
im glad that you are doing better. tbh i thought i upset you last time we talked

@Moon_flower
well kinda?
but it wasnt u
it was a me issue
didnt mean to worry u about it tho
sorry
*hugs

do you want to talk bout it? i wont ever judge you

@Moon_flower
well its no big deal
but
im just mostly worried how u take it?
to put it simply
i just wish i had a bf dats a nice n caring as u r
like
im so happy for u n linnea
a bit jealous too?
also a bit weary cuz, idk her personally, n idk if she's like
rly nice n sweet like u r, or a faithful as u can be
ik uve hurt alot
n ive seen ur gfs hurt u as well?
i dont want u to hurt anymore

its a mixture of dat
dats y i was a lil upset
a tad jealous but happy for u
n also weary

hmm i guess that makes sense
im sorry for worrying you
sometimes i worry about her hurting me too but ijust have to trust her until she does

@Moon_flower
u have to know
w the right lover
u wont even have to worry about getting hurt..
honestly, if she hurts u, shes gonna get an angry latina at her doorstep
ur such a nice person, n u deserve someone as nice as u
not someone who makes u uneasy because ur afraid dat the may hurt u

its exactly y i got weary when u sai about getting engaged

ive seen my fair share of couples who rush thru things, get engaged, n then break up

i..i understand the feeling of wanting a lover
i rly do

@Moon_flower
ive been waiting for the right guy for half a decade now?
waiting for the right person is...let me tell u
painful.
but is the wait worth it?
yeah
cuz u wouldnt fall into traps, or heartbreaks tha take a long time to heal

ive never rly been in love
or had a bf
but im sure its a wonderful thing to have
n a difficult thing to keep

i just..worry because i dont want u making a mistake..
not saying she is one
ppl can change n heal
i hope shes healing for the better

im a very jealous person and im not as sweet as you think
she has to put up with me and the fact that she only hurt me once is really crazy to me.
thank you for being so worried about me tho
i really appreciate you

@Moon_flower
uve only ever shown me kindness n caring
ofc ill think ur sweet

putting up w someone is a sign of love
u dont care how much they do it
u love them nonetheless

like
Vero puts up w me
I put up w em
we've might have accidentally hurt each other once
n we were both guilty about it (bruh i cried when i did, i didnt mean to)

were not a couple, but we love each other very much

true ig