oof
ima play some COD :D

@-Ames- have fun, i think i'm gonna go to bed just so today will be finally over....

@-ames- yo-
wassup?
anything going on?

umm
im learning how to drive :>

@-Ames- ooo-

i'm happy for you!!

yeah
its fun

@-ames- will you be going out more?

no not rly TvT

@-Ames-
well- this has been a productive conversation

ik right

@-Ames- how are you?

im alright
shaking my head over Kaeya
cant get Colby out of my head
n i cant draw so dats nice

@-Ames- art block is always so much fun, isn't it?

my arm kinda hurts
n when i keep it bend it hurts more

@-Ames-
did you injure it in any way??
ig that might be a dumb question tho--

no

@-Ames-
huh-

gotta love it when things just stop working the way they should--

oh btw, i'm trying to find motivation to work on the comic, got any tips?

not rly cuz im lacking motivation aswell ;v;

@-Ames- hmm-

ig i'll just listen to Christian music until i'm inpowered lol

dat could work

@-Ames- yeah- works best when i sing along...

can i ask you a question?

go ahead

@-Ames- it might make you sad... just a warning--

ive been goin up n down these past few day

@-Ames- okay...

do you ever miss someone so much that it physically hurts??

hmm
no ive never missed anyone so much before
but i can understand wut u mean
it physically hurts when i dont have someone dat i wish i had w me at a moment
wether its Kat, Vero, or even Mr.11:11
it hurts so much
r u missing someone?

@-Ames-
it sounds stupid.... but yes-
i miss two of my favorite people--

it's dumb bc technically one of them hasn't left me-- we're still friends-- but it doesn't feel like we're best friends anymore--

the one that hurts the most, is maggie--

i'm tired of pretending i'm fine with her absence--
it feels like i'm being torn apart by it...
it was never my choice to get arid of her- the hole family voted- and it was everyone against me--
no one gets it- they didn't know her like i did-
every

time i tell my parents of the pain i feel- they blame it on *horamons
*how the heck is it spelled
g7t7t8y

Oh my dat sounds painful..
my parents tell me the same thing
"Ur feeling like dis cuz ur growing, ur hormones r just messing w u, theres nothing wrong"
it isnt stupid
not at all

@-Ames-
i though it would get better but it's only gotten worse--

tomorrow... tomorrow is her birthday- 3-27
;-; she would be 7 years old...

oh dats gatta feel rly bad then
just..
try to make a lil personal tradition to remember her
like do somethung 2 u did together

@-Ames-
....

i used to like to read to her-- and sing emotional songs...
she seemed to always understand what i was saying--

we used to lay in the sun, i'd tell her all about my plans for the future...
i always thought she'd be a part of it...

then read the books u read to her
sing the songs for her
lay under the sun n hope dat she's alright
things change, n its rly sad
im sorry u dont have Maggie anymore
*hugs*

@-Ames-
-TwT-

'hugs'

i hte that... i **** that she's gone..
it's strange... i didn't realize how important pictures of her were until they were the only thing i had left... i wish i would have taken more...

just cherish the ones u still have n dont lose them
*more hugs*

@-Ames-

your shirt is going to be soaked-- and probably get a bit of snot on it... ngl ugly crying over here..

idc
u need someone
*hugs u more*

@-Ames-

i honestly don't know what to say... people aren't usually this supportive -TwT-

ik TvT

@-Ames-
*hugs you very tightly and hinds my face on your shoulder*
thank you...

np
*hugs u back*
i love you
ill always be here for u

@-Ames-

you too...

i hope we'll always be friends

i hope so too
u want Daegen for the night?
or Pam?
Daegen will entertain u, make u smile, n give u lots of hugs!
n Pam will do her Pam magic n make u feel better in no time!

@-Ames-
idk which one does the best job at getting arid of sleep insomnia?

I think Pam would do be able to do dat
Take the child, she'll take care of u n make u feel bettah!
Pam: *gives u her bunny stuffie*

@-Ames-

*takes bunny plushie and smells in*
smells strangely nostalgic..

Pam: ouo

@-Ames-

i think pam would get along with my character Mariella

Really?

bruh i should draw Pam w Axel
n Axel n Eric
n then Axel n Matilda
I already drew Axel w Iliana n Axel w Xavier

@-Ames-
potentially--

idk just based off of first impressions

Pam's a sweet lil girl
she's loveable to everone
she manages to almost instantly stop Eric from angy crying

@-Ames-

yeah, i think they'd make nice comfort buddies,
Mariella tries her very hardest to be helpful- she's completely unaware that some people don't have good intentions--- she also helps Waldo control his emotions lol

Pam can tell who has bad intentions n who doesnt
she learns how to study ppl w the help of her brother Xavier n brother in law Axel
she's such an angel, everyone adores her
uve seen her before right?

@-Ames- hmm- probably?? i'm just having a hard time putting face to name--

it's officially maggies birthday....

Happy bday to Maggie
i hope she's okey
*hugs*
n i hope ur ganna be okay today

@-Ames- i hope so too...
i should probably get some sleep- or at least try...

i might be on again later bc i've had a hard time sleeping resently...
thank you again...
Buenas nochas... o Buenas dias?
eh- i don't know..
pick one ig lol

okey
*more hugs*
Gn, sleep well, n God bless!!
rly hope u sleep tonight

@-Ames-
i'll try to be on *tomorrow

*today??
idk

technically today TvT
Bye!
i need sleep
i have a busy day today

@-Ames-
ig hae fun? unless it's not a planned fun day--

'have

u can join us in minecraft if u want

@-Ames-
ig late to the show--

which reminds me-- i resently bought a add on, perhaps we can play sometime

-^w^-

also-- i can't sleep--
but it 's normal at this point... :)
i've gotta get up in 4 hours

no dont make it normal!
sleep!
SLEEP! T-T

@-Ames- i can't help it, too many things to stress about-- i think to night i will sleep with ease

hello

@-Ames- hello and Happy resurrection day!!

Happy Easter to u too!!
Gn, God bless!!

@-Ames- good night, and sweet dreams!!
and let there be great praise in your life as we are reminded of the glory of the King

@-Ames- .^.

hi!!

@-Ames- hello!!
como estas?

dying
in a good way
ahhhhh
i squealing over Sampo!!!!!
he's driving me nuts
i love him!!
ive nevered fan girl dis bad before TvT

@-Ames-
uh, i need to do a quite google search to figure out who that is-- brb

. . . i dont think ur eyes r prepared for the beauty dat is Sampo
n girl, i just drew him!

@-Ames-

*two google searches later*

oooo

i wanna do a study of his color sceme *^*

he looks like my character Adnes Darcy lol
i see why you like him so much,

*continues fan girling*
ahhhhhhhh
first it was Zhongi, then Howl, then Kaeya, now Sampo!
Dang!!!
im pretty sure Mr.11:11 will end up cosplaying as these characters just to get my attention n to hear me squeal while going thru these phases
mah goodness
ahhhh

@-Ames-

i love that tho!!
that would be super cute/funny if you two met by cp
or if you went cp together--

dats one of my dreams!!!
i would love to cosplay as Howl n Sophie n dance together!!
ive never danced w anyone, n i rly rly rly wanna dance w him!!
n dat would be kinda hard
i dont rly like cosplaying as girls
i just dont think ill look good in them
but it wont stop me from atleast trying
i mean, just because i dont like it, doesnt mean he wouldnt like it either
i think he would enjoy dat
im not sure y .-.

@-Ames-
ik how to ballroom dance .^.
it's not hard to learn,
and i don't think there's anything wrong with cp as guys,
if only that was something i could do --- -TwT-

i see nothing wrong
im just more comfortable in male clothes
(heck im wearing male clothes rn!)
but lately i wanna cosplay as girls
but i dont know who (besides sophie)
n if i did know who it'll be almost impossible cuz i HAVE NO FREAKING PRETTY FEMALE CLOTHES DAT I LIKE!!!!!

@-Ames-
yk, you don't hafta wear female clothes to be more feminine,
you could always wear pretty smells or do your hair,
if you don't wanna put effort into it, you could always use a bandana--
or earrings!!
or yk, just wear what you like, i wouldn't stress over appearance, after all, if that's all a boy is there for, you don't want him

*so saying the girl who dresses like i'm from a anime

i just dont think a guy would fall for a girl who doesnt know how to girl
im very insecure, while i will admit dat sometimes i do think im pretty, i still dnt think im pretty ;-;
n think i look like a boy
HOW IS MR.11:11 SUPPOSE TO KNOW WHERE THE GIRL OF HIS DREAMS IS IF SHE DOESNT EVEN LOOK LIKE A GIRL!! TnT
like srly
i dont rly do much to my hair
im extremely lazy
selfcare??
never heard of it ;v;)d
i wish i was more like a girl
but it feels weird
it feels like im in the spotlight

@-Ames-
he'll know-- trust me

also- advice my brother gave me- they love it when girls wear what they feel comfy in, also-- remember you're your own worst critic,
he'll lov you no matter what you look like

as fair as building confidence, my advice (as someone who has spent the last 2 years building confidence) listen to music that talks abt confidence, i listen to nf, also- memorizing bible verses that talk abt beauty, not to mention the power of prayer-- when you feel unconfident tell -con

the lord, ask him to fill you with the spirit of confidence,
trust me- it helps

to me, being confident seems....selfish
im not 100% sure y?
but it feels wrong to say "Hey, ur good at dis! Ur the best keep it up!" or "U can do it!" "Im pretty, i dont care wut others think! Im jus beautiful me!"
idk y but all dat seems wrong for me to say to myself
n i also sometimes find it hard to believe these things

@-Ames-

confidence doesn't hafta be self compliment-- i don't like anything abt myself, but i don't despise anything either--- it's all kinda whatever for me, all you hafta stop doing is self hatred
i mean, you will want to find things you like,
and also try to set goals towards the things you can fix (things like weight, muscle mass, hair length, skin care)

i can even do dat!
like me n Vero said in our call yesterday
"I HAVE NO CONSISTENCY!!!! IM INCONSISTENT!!!"
i cant do dat
i just cant T-T

@-Ames-

;-;

the more you try to be consistent, the more consistent you'll become--- start with little things, then move to bigger things

i dont know wuts considered smol or big!!!
me dont know!!!! TnT

@-Ames-
small- eating breakfast everyday at the same time
big- making a daily schedule and sticking to it

@MaggieSue327
eating breakfast at the same time is big for me
tho i am forcing myself to be hungry n eat more
im too freaking skinny
so i may try dat
i rly want a pancake rn
dang it Gavyn TvT

@-Ames-
mmm-- pancakes
dang it... i wanna eat one now ;-;

same
i made myself choco pancakes cuz i was imagining Faith asking Gavyn if he wanted pancakes
they looked so good in mah head..!TvT

@-Ames-

where they (??)

que?

oh
if my pancakes were good?
i mean
it was alright
im not a good cook but they did taste good

@-Ames-

lol

sorry-- i try my hardest to make sense--

ima head to bed
i srly need to sleep
but i couldnt
n cuz of dat
i didnt do any school work
n im suppose to turn it all in on friday which im kinda doubting i will
so
gn, sleep well, God bless
*hugs* love ya
sleep...
pls i need sleep Lord
ive been up since 3am n been taking sleepless naps ;v;

@-Ames-

yes sleep--
get some rest, i'll be praying,
*remembers i gotta get up at 5 tomorrow
i'ma head to bed too lol

i miss u
ive entered a new fandom
n i have some jokes for u

@-Ames-
hello-
yes sorry, i've been on very little, and when i do get on it's usually 3 or 4,
i go to bed much earlier now bc of sleep insomnia, it can be quite hard to draw with no motivation

i'm working on fixing aid problems so i can be on more, i'm just not sure how long it'll be

but enough abt me--!! -^w^- new fandom?
JOKES!?!? :D

'said

Oh i hope ur sleeping more dan u used to
yes new fandom
its genshin!!
i question y i havent entered it earlier :'D
ig cuz the fandom is crazy sometimes
yes yes jokes!
jokes i got from the va dats plays as Cyno in genshin!
Alejandro Saab! (or better known as CyYu)

@-Ames- ah hahah!! I knew you'd get into it, I've been looking into it, one of my irl friends just go into it :3

Tell me the jokes? -'v'-

I have actually started sleeping better, still not great but better, I'm mostly just working on catching up on all my work (ie school, chores, family/friends, rebuilding routen, basically every aspect of my life, I've some how managed to make no meaningful interactions since March)

Im aint telling the jokes~
*spawns Cyno*
Cyno:. . . Okey, What did the sushi say to the bee?
(all these jokes r from Alejandro)

@-Ames- hmmm Wasabi?

Cyno: Let me SAY THE-
Tighnari: *smacks him w a pan* Next. Joke. CYNO.
Cyno: Fine! Ahem.......What kind of bee makes milk instead of honey?

@-Ames- I'm particularly scared to answer, finish the joke

Cyno: Boobîes......
Tighnari:. . . . . . Why u so immature?!
Cyno: Heheh!!! Hey.....i told my wife she should embrace her mistakes........so she hugged me..
Tighnari: :|
Kaveh: *dies in the background*

@-Ames- ×>
So funny
What a comedian
Made me smile, thank

Cyno: U think its funny? Someone actually likes my jokes?!
Tighnari: Not another one.....
Kaveh: May I interrupt?
Cyno: NO! *points his spear at him* ANOHER PERSON LIKES MY JOKES!
Kaveh: Uh
Alhaitham: *lowers his spears from Kaveh's face*
Tighnari: Wut number is dat? 4? 5?
Cyno: I have fans!
Tighnari: Yeah like 5
Cyno: Dont matter the number!

@-ames- heh, well, it may not seem like much online, but ik if i told a joke to a group of people, and 5 of them laughed, that would be impressive .^.

Cyno: I have dinner w 3 of my friends n they dont laugh at my jokes!
Kaveh: I dont laugh at em if im sober, w a few drinks ill find them funny. Tho srly, no one deserves to listen to ur awful jokes when sober.
Cyno: No one deserves to listen to u complain bout Alhaitham and how broke u r
Kaveh: . . . *sad Kaveh noises*

@-Ames-
Kaveh, that's not very nice, apologize

Kaveh: Sorry Cyno ;-;
Cyno: Hmph!
Tighnari: U didnt have to roast Kaveh like dat tho, u should apologize too
Cyno: . . .
Tighnari: Cyno
Cyno:. . . Im sorry Kaveh
Kaveh: Its alright, ig i was a lil too rough...
Collei: I BROUGHT COOKIES!
Cyno n Kaveh: COOKIES?!

@-ames- this is cute
---
idk what else to say tho

dats fine
i added Collei in there to end it

@-Ames- remind me later to look into the fandom
note later bc rn i'm grounded :-:

Oh dat sucks
n well. . . i recommend it but not at the same time
it honestly depends on wut characters u search up
i advise u be careful
srly
just trying to find some fun sumeru boy content i ships n suddenly lgbtq started to pop up in my recommend
n im like "i just want to know about dis character, i dont care bout those unholy ships!"

*,i see ships

@-ames- eh hehehe yeaah- i'll watch out,
thanks for the warning

no problem

How long ago were we in the same place?
How am i suppose to remember the faces....
Of there who arent here....
Who r too far away dat they cant hear...
they cant hear the things ive done....
or see the the things ive done....
Who am I?
Hint: Genshin Character

*of the ones who arent here

@-Ame-

Kinda hard to answer since I don't play the game ;-; *the moment when I realize research is no longer optional*
Uuuuhhhg, I wish I had more time to be onnnnnn
-TwT-
It seems like so many people are leaving---i hardly realized how little I've played anything this year --- heck I dropped 70 bucks and 12 hrs of my life to buy totk AND I'VE HARDLY PLAAAAYYYEDDDDD my siblings have used the cartridge more them me ;-;
Anyway- beside that, I've been trying to get school in check, my mom thinks I've done nothing.-.
She's like:
"You haven't done any school and you haven't even LOOKED at your chores"
Like seriously ladddyy-- your house is cleaaan WHAT DO YOU WAANT
But I refuse for this to be my fate again!!! I intend to be finished by the end of this week-- that's why I'm telling you this, to hold me accountable---
ANYWAY--- Not like youasked ^^^---

How arree yooou???
-^w^-
(Better I pray?)

Ive been eh
carpal tunnel sucks ;v;
n yeah pray
for u, me n mh family
pls ;v;
n good!!
finish skool dis week!!
im tring to finish school dis week too
its a bit hard since i have no idea wat science is trying to teach me ;v;

@-Ames-
good luck with that!!
good luck with science too-- that stuffs alway confusing
i hope this summer won't be too hot

heheh...
my summers r extremely hot
but its not bad thing to me!
i am trying to get an even tan for once
dats my goal dis summer

--also sorry abt poor spelling, i've pretty much fried my braid over school, so it's taking a small va-ca

(i too, wold like to acheive more of a even tan since i have a pretty bad farmers tan ;-;

'would ')

dont worry bout spelling
i cant spent spell either

@-ames-
Good to know I have at least one friend who isn't a Grammer book :)

well english is my second language
im still learning how to speak it n use proper grammar
so y would i correct u when im also learning?

@-Ames-
in the end you'll probably be better at English then me in the end

eh

@-Ames- :3
btw--- you probably realized but i'm back --momentarily--

i see

@-Ames-
also these new updates are so cool!!
i wanted to try the ref but it takes to long to load...

@MaggieSue327
havent tried it yet
i cant do the photo
me phone isnt allowed to have wifi
which is....dumb
my mum says im not allowed to have access to the Internet but.....i still have access to it everywhere else but on my phone
i use my dad's tablet n computer sometimes
i have yt on the tv
so. . .
its not like i need it
it'll just be nice
it'll also stop me from taking their devices to look for references

@-Ames- true...
hold on i have an idea i kinda wanna try

okeh

@-Ames- it won't let me upload with a ref layer on ;-; not even on private... hrrrmmmm

@Project1
hmmMMMmmmMMmm

@-Ames- i just realized tracers are gonna come back ;-;
but ig i can trace the ref and send it to you

@Project1
i mean yeah but a long as they say they traced it
n u arent a tracer or dont have to say it if u trace ur very own art
i used to do dat when i had my computer
made life so much easier
for me sketching digitally has always been....weird, for me
n trying to make a masterpiece on paper is....tiring
very. tiring.
i only do black n white for a reason
even dat takes awhile to do

@-Ames- yes, but i can guarantee they'll trace online drawings too

@Project1
yeah
ive seen traced zelda artwork
n ppl like Howl (goodbye friend) say they did a good job! not realizing its actually traced
oh if u dont know Howl left
without saying goodbye T-T

@-Ames- -TwT- what!?!?
hmm... did she leave in april?

@Project1
her account was deleted a few weeks ago
but was inactive since March

@-Ames-
-TwT-
aw...
i wish berry and howl would come back on using the switch

yup
she unfriended me for some reason
idky

@-Ames- -TwT-

i wonder if she's 'getting a fresh start'

idk
she said she was busy n wanted to do all these things
n then boop
gone

(btw i posty on project1)

@-Ames-
i'm sorry that happened.... i wonder if she'll come back sometime this summer or something (there's also the possibility a guardian took away she switch or made her delete friends)

according to una she felt stress n wanted to leave the platform
not sure wut she was stress about..
either way
may God bless her n protect her

@-Ames-
ik she was really sad abt berry leaving, there was also a user who was pestering her

didnt know dat
but y do ppl have to be so idk mean? or cause someone to leave?
y?
T-T

@-Ames- idk.... bc this is a sin infested world

yeah
its too infested these days
ppl rly do need Jesus

@-Ames-
yeah, it hurts to think abt..

yeah it kinda does

@-Ames- but idk what else i can do to help them

@MaggieSue327
i try to think of stuff
but its either they dont listen or wut i do desnt rly reach them
theres also so lil u can do as an isolated child ;-;

@-Ames- same here, they're never fully invested, then like- halfway through they find an excuse to leave

;-;
i think if i can strangthin other Christians i would be ding pretty good, but idk how, all i can do is my friends but they're in the same boat as me!!

well u can learn more about God w em
cuz meybe some of them wanna know but dunno how to learn since they dont go to church n dont rly know where to but to other Christians like her................

@-Ames-...
i don't go to church either ;-;

i mean i HAVE a church, i've just hardly gone in the past year, also--- i think we're moving churches bc we don't feel the holy spirit in there
alas tho, i did catch your subtle wording, i honestly have no idea how to help others grow...

ive been trying to learn more about God
but all dat happens is my faith gets shoken up n i question EVERYTHING
so im trying to reach to other Christians like Vero n u
i think my chances of bette understanding would be if i had the courage to call my cousin
she's the one who helped me become a Christian in the first place so

@-Ames- call her!!
and also i'm always willing to search for answers!! it might even help me grow too!!

yes!
grow together!!
ill like dat

@-Ames-
me too
(gtg byye

Also if you get a chance tonight maybe look over project1 new post)

okeh

hoi

@-Ames- yo -^w^-

Hii
so...
a Kaveh player made my day....
theres dis game event called Windtraced
prop hunt + hide n seek + capture the flag
so Pjs gave me the controller n forced me to play...
but dis Kaveh playe was the hunter...
n he was so nice!!!
he was just jumping n going in circles
n i did the exact same thing!!
he was suppose to capture me!
n he didnt
it honestly made my day
the differences between when i play vs when Pjs plays
ahh
it made me so happy!

@-Ames- i'm glad you had a good day!!

it was a tiring day
rly tired
but dat happened a few minutes ago
it made me squeal

@-Ames- i see

yeah, i spent most of the day reading, so i'll probably turn in early tonight

uhhhg the contest art (your contest) looks horrible and idk what to do to fix it ;-; it's been too long since i've done digital art --i forgot the controls--

how u forgor
its in my system
me hands can never forgor

@-Ames-
i haven't spent enough time using the system to have it permanently stored in my brains functions

oh
oke

@-Ames- ik i just got here but i gtg ;-;
(might be on later tho)

okey!

@-Ames- i told you ppl would trace -TwT-
*i just tagged you in the picture*

ofc
ima go play ssbu w Vero
n also
i found out the Kaveh player is also a Neuvillette player

@-Ames-
have fun!!
you're still chatting w/them?

no
i recorded the whole round (its only 3 mins long) n saw they had Neuvillette before switching to Kaveh

Gn!!
God bless!!!

@-Ames- oh i see
good night!! sweet dreams!

--God bless

@-Ames- !!!! we haven't talked in forever and a dayy
how are you???

hii!
bro same!!
ive been okey
lifes been...off
idk i dont feel like i belong
n i keep finding myself to be extremely bore n unmotivated
n ive also realized how much time has passed...
it rly is 2024 huh..

@-Ames-
same, idk... its just, totk has been out for a year, i *** it bc i STILL haven't finished any of the drafted fan art bc i keep telling myself-- you'll be able to do it once you finish this task... and then another, and another... and another

i feel bad bc i haven't been on colors alot, i haven't really been doing anything other then repeatedly getting sick....
i get not feeling like yourself too-- i'm to the point where i look in the mirror and it's like--- this isn't me, who is this

it's been discouraging bc i feel like nothing has happened in so much time, i haven't even LOOKED at the comic in forever...
it's just.... i feel so behind on life

it's weird thinking abt how i'll be able to learn to drive in not that long, and everyone around is getting older too!!! my big bro is ging to college soon.... and- and then you'll be old enough to go to college in a few years.... and then... and then three years from now, i'll be in the same situation as him

@MaggieSue327
but when do u rly find urself?
at wut point do u find u?
everything changes, n so do u
so the image of u will never be the same
tho preferring a different version of u is understandable
i wish i was extroverted n npt scared of ppl
but also more calm n together..
where is dat me rn?
idk
she gone
idk where she went
hope she comes back soon
i feel so out of touch w u n Vero
heck my family too

@MaggieSue327
ur crazy if u think im going to college
i thought it would be fun but........math is too hard
n i do wanna learn how to drive
im too scared to tho

@-Ames-
i despise that too, why can't i just be the person i was one year ago? or heck three years ago, when i just had so much time

i wish i could be extroverted too.... i'm loud enough when i need to be, but- it's not really the same

also... i guess you haven't gotten help yet have you??

help w wut exactly?

@-Ames-
yeeaahh, idk you did say you were looking at community college, tho, if you hate math then maybe cc is not your cup of tea

@-Ames-
mental health??

@MaggieSue327
hmm mental health?
heh...ig i just been drowning the sorrows without rly realizng it
lately ive been finding myself...low
rly low
barely feeling the pain i used to
whwn i think of Mr.11:11 it doesnt hurt as much as it used to
i wonder y?
ig becausw im distracting my loneliness w fictional men (Kaveh, Kaeya, Neuvillette, etc.) does it help? kinda but no...i cant hug them or wish i could cuz theyre not real
even tho Jerry hasnt been acting up
i feel like he's ganna soon
y?

@MaggieSue327
theres something off about my life
idk wut it is
n ik these things can trigger Jerry
maybe he's preparing to make me feel so lonely, n so out of place
make me cry till i cant breathe, makeme sick in the middle of the night like he used to

@-Ames-
i see, it's clear by the way you talk, pls don't give up..

....
yk wut
maybe there is something wrong
i made dat sound sooo dark while im actually kinda fine-...
am i lying to myself?!
... oh no T-T'''

@-Ames- it's not bad that you're doing okay rn, and i can tell you're doing better, it's just you said you feel off, like something was different, you also seemed sorta numb

coming up with a way to feel less lonely, yet rn you feel detached, it's the same concept as making fictional worlds to deal with stress in everyday life

i assumed this ment that you defaulted back to fiction

nothings wrong with that btw, it just means that you will feel detached at times

Now dat i think of it...
ive always lived in a fictional worlds
for almst the entirety of last yr i lived in Muryo,
the previous, Hyrule
Rn, where do i live? Teyvat, w the hot men dat r my fictional husbands
to me its was fine...atleast for awhile
but im growing up...n i feel like i child if i keep living in a fictional world w ppl dat dont even exist
n its seems dumb to call a character a husband...
hey..i dont even have one irl
i not even close to having one
can u blame me?

i wish i feel more like my age n cherish the few young yrs i have left
not waste if all away cuz i live in a fictional world dan in my boring irl one...
i keep thinking im 17 when im 16
then realizing dat my bday was........uh......4 months ago?
n dat my aunt came to visit me last yr
right?
.....yeeeeaah last yr
i forget wut day it is, wut time, n wut month
which is y i only put the month n not day on my signature

@-Ames- yeah, that another thing i worry abt, it's concerning how much i rely on fiction, but i want to start a family one day, but i technically already have one?? it feels wrong to call them that, but they've become that to me
also, idk what the heck i'ma name my kids -T^T- i've already used all the good names, and i can't name them the same thing as a character, that feels like a crime!!!!!

so, yeah.... i get that 150%
on the topic of cute bois, -TwT- it recently came to my attention, but

not but 'that my favorite characters --the ones i grew up with-- are actually kinda haut... like-- they are so my type --if i had one that is i'm not really attracted to anyone, nor is anyone attracted to me -TvT- for shame can't start a fam without a guy--
it all started when i showed a painting of loe to meh friend, and then her friend went: DANG HE HOT

that's the first time i actually looked at a guy to see the charm in him.... and.... well... yk--
it's not like i'm in love, i just reali

zed leo, kayden, decoda, etc
they're much much more attractive then i realized

as u grow up u tend to see the beauty dat is men.
it took me WAY too long to realize dat
im attracted to guys dat me ur age prob wouldnt think theyre attractive
Sampo for instance, he's gorgeous
n dont u think i think some of my charas r hot?
Take mah boi Daegen, he's beautiful, dang gorgeous
Alejandro, heck yeah
sometimes all i think while designing r character is "R they good looking enough?"
I showed my brothers Elane n they both blush n said she was cute
looks like i succeeded

also

my parents always say
"u dont rly need friend" n "u dont need a bf rn"
my first question is "then how do u start a family?"
listen listen listen
i dont wanna be 30 n finally have my first kiss
dats just sad
i dont wanna be 50 when my kids go to college
n i dont wanna be 80 when my grankids go to college alright!
i would want Mr.11:11 by now
n i would lile tp be married to him by my mid 20s
ig dats young
but ik ill love him forever

brb dinner

@-Ames-
yeah, your characters are kinda
good greif, i feel like since i think they have potential to be attractive, i feel like i should be attracted yk?
also, i agree with you, if your parents got together at your age, and they have a strong marriage, then they should at least let you try to find someone

@MaggieSue327
actually at my age they would have been together for 2 yrs
yes 2 yrs
n im here wanting someone but i cant
n they always tell me wut not to do n things to do
n it just makes me think "do they rly think im dat dumb??"
ik how to get a bf
ik how to act w a guy
ik how to choose a bf
im picky for a reason (only thing im picky of is dat he has to believe in God, anything else is fine)
okey
ik he's ot ganna be the first guy i see
ik dat, im not dumb!
geez!!

@-Ames-
2 years?!? dang
that's gotta be so frustrating
on a side note tho..
i was wondering what console i can get gi on? i wanna try playing it, but idk if i have anything i can play on

also, i drew my fictional worlds map the other day, ig not the whole world, just a region, but ANYWAY
i'm doing it on colors, yk so when i actually post the comic, the readers will have an idea where they are in the grand sceme of things

yeah but hey it happen
idk how old my dad is i could be wrong
yeah u need alot of space for genshin
n hey we can play together!!...when urs ar 16!!
which takes 2 days (or 16 hrs) to get to

@-Ames-
i'll look into it!! if not, if it doesn't work on the phone i could try a standard computer, or an Xbox, but i doubt it'll be on there

genshin is available on xbox
didnt say cuz i wasnt sure

@-Ames- oh cool!! then if all fails i can get it on that --probably, tho i don't play on it much bc it's connected to the living room tv--

dats fine
well unless someone hogs the tv...

@-Ames- 'cough cough' my parents

either that or they'll watch me play and be like 'wHo's Dat???'

oof...
dats a surprise
i suggest mobile then
its good, it did start as a only mobile game afterall

just say its me a lovely friend

@-Ames- lol yeah
oh btw, i see you started posting your comic!! -^w^- i'm glad

genuinely suprised more peeps haven't seen

lol Yeah i'd say 'oh yk, its ame!! the girl i told you abt?'
and they would be like 'WHO??'

'the girl from colorslive...'

'oh, idk who you're talking abt'
'sign' they prob wouldn't stop me from interacting tho

dat sucks. . .
but y?
ik parents r weary bout ppl online but...not everyone is bad, especially when u search carefully

@-Ames-
ik right? i get where they are coming from, but if i've know this person for a year, and all the info ik abt them stays consistent(exept for time for some reason), they have other friends, they are on even when i'm not, they have an intire profile on nintendo, they play other games, they have other hobbies, they write music etc then, if they are a fake, then at this point, they deserve a successful kidnapping yk? it's too much work

...it...its rly has been a yr has it?.....
oh my..
the only thing dat changes r fandoms
dats rly much it
also Vero hasnt called...
welp, its too late to call now TvT

@-Ames- yeah but changing fandoms makes you all the more real, bc if someone,was a an imposter, wouldn't they try to stay in the same fandom? at least, that would be my guess... wouldn't they want to have the same things in common? since that would make them more relatable, and the more relatable, the more you'd trust them
that's what my mom said they do anyway

ig so, you could still try calling him

its too late to
we talk from 5-8
after dat they eat dinner n then play games
ill chat w em in genshin its fine
ig dats wut they do
i aint no imposter
i aint sussy among us-
i cant believe i type dat i feel so childis TvT

@-Ames- lol they might
if it makes you feel better, my bro said:' what the sigma'

last night while playing with his friends

brb

y has human come to dis?
dumb cringe memes
geez TvT
when u planning on getting genshin
ima bout to do the dishes, take a shower n start playing soon
i gatta build Noelle my girl is weak!

@-Ames-
really tho, so many brain rot slang that sounds like it was thrown together by a nine year old... looking at you skibidi toilet

idk really

i hafta convince meh siblings that it's worth downloading + find the time to play

@MaggieSue327
i always play from 7, 8, or 9pm to wutever time i decide to go to bed
n yeah it is
like botw n totk, but w a whole lot more characters n materials
n its ganna hav a huge update in august!
we're ganna have a whole new area to explore!
Natland!
the land of the Pyro archon!
we also gt new characters
ur ganna be joining late, so u wont be able to get Clorinde
but u might have luck w another, Sigewinne!
dat is if u decided to start playing like very soon

@-Ames- like i said, i'll see what i can do

sooo completely unrelated, but i really want to tell you---
i've gotten really into psychology resently, and did yk your hand writing says a lot abt you?

no i didnt know
but i think the lil things dat we do say alot about us
also ppl say day i u draw good, ur handwriting is good..mine sucks

@-Ames-
yeah, i've been looking into that kinda stuff a lot
it's very interesting!!

i'm a try hard for handwriting when ik other people will see it

also, i hope you get/got good sleep, it's not good to say up that late ;-; you'll get sick (speaking from experience)

@MaggieSue327
the latest ive been up has always been 4am
heck i was so anxious the other day when to bed at fo but kept getting up cuz i wanted to say bye to my mum beforw the surgery
was dat a crabby day?....yes...indeed it was
i wanted to cry on how tired i was
but my bedtime nowadays is midnight or 2am
ofc i read my Bible(im reading the actual one now), so i actually start resting at 2:30 or 3am

n for some reason i sleep way better when i stay up late-
i think its cuz i get up late too
the earliest ive ever gotten up dis summer is 9-10am
i get up by 11 or 12 now

@-Ames-
i see, i tend to sleep better when i go to bed abt 11 and wake up at 5 or 6 --perferably six--
unfortunately tho, since feb i've found it hard to fall asleep and stay asleep
and that's summer for you, i do hope your sleep scedule will go back to something sorta normal

i'm glad you're reading your bible aswell, i need to get back to that, but recently my dad wakes me up at 5am and wants me immediately on the floor, so i don't have time to read in the mornings... i'll find time for it throughout the day but there's a little guilt knowing i can hardly spend a few minutes reading

oofies
i feel guilty not reaing my Bible..
doesnt feel fair

i am sorry
i the roleplay i did took longer dan expected
i hope i atleast wake up early today TvT

@-Ames- idk what time did you end up waking up?

i wake up at 10 or 11.....but end up getting up at 12

@-Ames-
well, i suppose that's not too bad

ig it depends what you consider early

early to me is 8 or 9
extremely early is 6 or 7
late is 10, 11, n 12

@-Ames- oh, well... then ig you got up late...
what do you do up until the wee hours of the morning anyway?

wut?
i play genshin
n try to get my husband Kaveh
but i cant
cuz i get characters dat im not interested in
like Xinyan n Yanfei
who will got to the pit
n stay lv1 forever.
meanwhile the majority of the men i get will be leveled to to lv. 80
but for now lv. 60

@-Ames- lol
pick what you like, throw away the rest,
makes sense, you can't play them all, there's too many characters

i have so lil characters dat i like
n i barely have the ones i do like T-T
Tighnari, Diluc, Jean, Kaveh, Cyno, Nahida, Klee, Zhongli, Neuvi ;-;
n wut sucks i have to wait like a full yr for Neuvi to get a rerun!!
N Alerchinno....n Lyney T-T
...n Nahida...
Tighnari, Jean, Diluc, n Kaveh r on the permanent wish so i just gatta keep wishing T-T
the others r limited...who knows when Cyno will get a rerun

@-Ames-
'me causally nodding my head as i read trying to tye names to faces'

ive drawn literly everyone buuut

Nahida, Alerchinno, n Lynney
tho Vero has drawn Alechinno

Arlechinno
y do i always misspell her name?!!

@-Ames- genshin names are complicated
btw, idk if i'll be able to get it, i don't have a computer i'm allowed to use, i could technically get it on the X box, but i'm not allowed to play on that past 5,which leaves my phone, but that already has a shortage of space
i'll try to find a sulution, but i figured i'd give you an update, primary to keep the convo alive bc it's d1eing lol

the convo is dying
n yes keep me updating
mobile is good
the experience is as good as console
its also simplified
i get on the ps5 n press all the wrong buttons T-T

@-Ames-
i just cracked my nintendo's screen protector while trying to show meh sib how a 'mosquito' works, it did a good job showing how much the can hurt...
btw, i was wondering if you'd like to play minecraft sometime? i've been working hard on one of my worlds and kinda wanna finally show you

hmm
sure
not sure when tho...
im a bit desperate for primos on genshin...i only have 17 days left for Furina n im only on 3 pity ;-;
welcome home Jean ;v;
meybe tomorrow??
or later on today if were both online at the same time

@-Ames-
well i can play a bit rn, i'll be on if you want to join,
if not tonight, then perhaps tomorrow, but idk if i'll be able to play again after that until after the first week of july
outside of that whatever works for you is just fine :)

@MaggieSue327
im so sorry!
i had my switch to check if u were online but i never did!!
;-;
i wanted to be there for u
ive been short w all my friends cuz of geshin n i feel so bad!!
sowwy ;-;''
*sad scara cat emoji*

@-Ames-
-^w^-
it okay!! don't even worry abt it!!
i'm glad you've found a new game to obsess with

i'll be playing the mc world for a few hours if you can/want to play tonight

it's

i love genshin
ive gone rly far into the game already
n ive only been playing for a month
im grinding for Furina
i rly want her!!
im preparing a room for her in my house!!
dat how much i want her!!
so dats y ive only rly been playing genshin
next banner will be Wrio n Navia
idk if ill pull for them
if i dont want them, ill prob be on here more
if i do well...ill be on genshin TvT''
idl bout tonigt, we have a movie night i think
n when dats done ill have to continue griding for primos

i hope uve been having a good week
miss ya :purple_heart:
hope u had a good day today

@-Ames-
That's fine, we're watching a movie too!!
I hope you have a blessed week too!! Good luck on Genshin

ill nee all the luck in the world
i promise ill visit ur world once Furina comes home!

@-Ames-
luck and prayers
okay, while i a wait your visit, i will continue to work on it, that way it'll be worth the wait (for both parties involved)

okey
i got a different chara
not Diluc...but i like Dehya!
i hope Furina comes home!!
Come home Furina!
COME HOME!!

@-Ames-
XD
maybe if we say it enough
HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME

Furina..
ill bake as many sweets n as much macaroni u want!!
Same w Neuvillette!
Come home!!
Queen of Fontaine!!!!
Come home!!!!!
Come home to let the show finally begin!
i have her theme stuck in my head
amazing song btw :ok_hand:

@-Ames-
i'll hafta check it out lol

Furina you hugry?? she got food
you like food Furina??
FOOOOOOD
and it's yuuuMMYYY

Furina n Kaveh havent come home yet
meyb its cuz Kaveh knows he'll still have t be roommates w Alhaitham..
or meybe cuz i dont jave soup...
But Kaveh, ull have my love!
n Al has alot of book to keep him occupied
he wont bother u!
n Kaveh....its rent free
DATS RIGHT!
Rent. FREE. u aint going broke under my roof
nah ah!
i dont want ur mora
my love, ull get all the soup, sleep, inspiration, n mora if u come home!
im broke on primos but not mora
u can take some Kaveh!

@-amas-
*sigh* any day now he'll come

Furina came home!
n Kaveh ganna have a rerun in...a month ;v;
i can check out ur world
just tell me we can alright?

@-Ames- that's great!! sorry for the late reply, i haven't been on

comepletely unrelated question, but uuhh, what's your favorite song?

Aaaalso, I was thinking abt using the comic callable for something else while I work on the comic, and so I started brainstorming on ideas, annnnd-- what if it were to act as a therapy section, since their are so many damaged souls on colorslive, ik there is a positivity account, but it's all toxic positivity, and I don't think it's helping anyone

And, I already know tons abt psychology and coping skills, so it could be just a sharing of that information
And ofc, once progress on the comic picks up, I can either make a new account or use the project 1 account

Anyway, thoughts?

And ofc, if it boils down to it, I can make a new account for it

I dont have a favorite song
i keep changing them
but rn its Riptide, Kaikai Kitan, La Vaguelette, Runaway, Waves, Alejandro, n Two birds
meybe
idk how ppl would respond tho
ive...rly just lost all hope for humanity...
i just feel like they wont budge
the anxiety i get from trying to help others is terrible
they always end up leaving or getting offended

@-ames- don't loose hope just yet, there's a light on the horizon

i hope there is

@-ames-
....
Honestly? I hope there is too, I hope what people keep telling me is true
....
You're such a nice person, I miss you, I miss you, even though we've never met, I'm tired, im so tired.... but I can't sleep, just like a the night before last, I didn’t sleep at all then, I only slept last night bc my dad pointed out how pale and tired I looked, for a day, it helped me feel seen, but now, now I lay here in the dark.... and I realize just how bad it is...
I only have three friends yk? Waffles, kitty, twi others who aren't on colors, and you, two of them I'm currently on rocky territory, and one of them is far too young to talk to abt this, and the last one already knows, then there's you.
Everyone else isn't my friend. Bc friends aren't them.
What did I do wrong ame? Why do they dislike me so?
.... I don't even know what to do anymore

idk y ppl would dislike u
ur genuinely a very nice person, n ur great to talk to
ive nevered rly had any problems w friends
so i dont know how much i can help
but im here for u
i dont wana lose u
i love u, i hope u know dat
if u need me, im right here
u can talk to me, u can vent to me n ill do my best to help u
ill always be here
im always in the shadows, all u gatta do i tag me n ill respond
*hugs*

@-Ames-
*hugs+sobbing* that's... that's the nicest thing someone has said to me in a while
rn it seems like you are the only one who is..
even if you're halflway across the country, you're still here more then my friends who are thirty mins away...

sometimes the right ppl rly r far away
i prayed for u
i hope ur doin well
dont ask about me, dis is about u
i hope things will get better for u
i miss talking to u
*more hugs*

@-Ames-
i... i genuinly don't know what to say,
i miss talking to you to

me too
i rly miss talking to u too
*hugs*

sorry im not here like i used to
i check colors thru put the day
i dont rly get any notifs tho

@MaggieSue327
hey
um
how bout we do the idea of using the collab account to help others??
i was wondering how i could glorify God n tell others bout Him cuz i rly do nothing for Him
i do a lil but not alot....
so...u think we can do dat?

@-Ames-
yes!! what should we call it?

very soon i'll be getting back on reguarly, maybe things can go back to how they used to be, if not completely, then perhaps at least some

um idk wut to call it
im not good w names TvT'
meybe itll go back to normal a lil bit
ill still be playing genshin alot
trying to get Kaveh....72 73?? wishes...n he still not here

@-Ames-
It'll come eventually
Even if it's not the sane, I think it'd be nice to be active again
Btw ik you said you can't have discord rn but-- will you ever be able to be on it again?

sometime in the future i might
just not today or tomorrow
also
Kaveh came home on my 80 wish
yey

mother trucker..
11:11

@-ames-
I figured that much I was just wondering if you knew if you'd ever be allowed on, is all

Mother trucker? Why did I laugh at that? My humor is broken
X3

"mother trucker, dat hurt like a butt cheek on a stick" old vine
"muddle fudger...oh u son of a nice lady" Boothill

@-Ames- i remember my older sister saying that lol

hehe

@-Ames-
idk what time you get on, but maybe we can play minecraft soon?

i dont rly get on here anymore
meybe during the weekend?
im planning on doin something in genshin for Larry
n i also have a welkin dat he randomly gave me to obtain

@-Ames-
okay!!
this week end or next?

meybe dis weekend during the day (nights r for genshin)
but i do have to clean the bathroom....
meybe i can do dat the next day

@-Ames- okaii
sounds good

how u been doin?

@-Ames- i'm doing well,
i've been pretty tired, i managed to finish school one week before school started, had to pull four all nighters and ig dayers to achieve it, but alas, i finished everything i set out to do,
now time to do the same this years

oops didn't mean to add the S at the end of year

sounds. . . messy
im glad u finally got a break, even if its just a small one
as u saw from my post. . . my break was crabby

@-Ames-
what did you do all break?

have anxiety, play genshin, have more anxiety
the anxiety lead to an existential crisis
crying, taking care of my mom, being sad, bored, anxiety
n wait wait wait
guess what?
even more anxiety
so yeah. . .

@-Ames-
once more, i guess you never went to a psychiatrist

oi my messages feel so blaaah-
idk if that's how your reading them, but rn that's all i can read them

idk wut u mean but okeh
sorry for late response
i went to take a shower

@-Ames-
eh-? i was askng if you ever went to someone for help

also it's so chill, i got busy anyway

i meant w it sounding blaah
dats wut i didnt get

it's kinda like
'my messages sound so bland'

kinda like, my messages are so EEH
-v-'

@-Ames- at long last, you're on
i've been waiting lol
just kinda looking at art and stuff, wasn't bad

nvm lol you had to go,
i'll check in later, tho
it's late you i'ma try to sleep

'so
not you,
can you tell i didn't sleep last night lol

kinda
n yes it bedtime
gn, n pls sleep tonight
God bless!!
remember saturday ill be here

@-Ames-

oh you came back,
good night,
i'll try
-^w^-

i missed uuuuu
im so sorryyyyyyyyyyy
*cries in the corner*

@-Ames-
one of these days we'll have a good none-sleep deprived chat
do you wanna play minecraft tonight?
or do you wanna do it some other time

idk T-T
hmmm
all i need to do is commisions so...
ill do my commisions n if i see ur online when im done ill play minecraft w u
i gatta shower bye ;-;

@-Ames-

alright!!
i'll see if i can stay up,
it's fine that it's not rn, i needa edit a script for a group project -T^T-

oh okey
im sorry rly
i rly am enjoying genshin n i just wanna keep playing it
i felt rly bad when i saw dat i missed u
srly
i did feel bad
i let u down n i was looking forward to play w u
again so sorry for playing genshin so much
i rly like it T-T'

@-Ames-
don't be sorry!! i'm just really glad you found smth you enjoy!!
-^w^-
we'll catch eachother evvventuaallyyy
like previously stated

*struggling ame noises*

@-Ames-
*pulls up a chair and sits down*

i took ur advice
its kinda working
all i have to do is do it everyday

@-Ames-
i'm glad -^w^-

idk y im having a venti overload
i love him
he's so cute
i want him
but who knows when he'll get a rerun

@-Ames-
uh what?

dat was me drowning my pains cuz now my love Kaeya reminds me dat im single
ahem
i had a venti overload
yk when someone thinks someone or something is cute n they just squeal n want to hug it?
yeah
i was like dat, but w Venti
n i rly want him, but he's not available
idk when he'll be available again T-T
patience is key
he'll have a banne soon
just be patient.

@-Ames-
indeed...

you could try doing art of him?

Venti?
I already do. . . its just its all traditional. . .
ill try
i can just tag u to the boi

Venti
or Barbatos
Is the god of freedom
n honestly, for being a lazy drunk bard. . .
he takes care of is country better dan any other god
im serious about dat

@-Ames-

lol
that last part made me laugh

Zhongli faked his death cuz he tired (he's 6000 yrs old)
he lets the ppl solve their own problem
Raiden Shogun......she is the problem
Nahida, her ppl r the problem
they dont want poor Nahida, she's a rly great god, but they locked her up n nerds take "care" of Sumeru
Focalor(s). . they dont rly have a problem
the problem has been solve, they just need to wait for the day

@-Ames-
interesting...
hey Ame, ik you really want to meet a guy, so maybe it's not best to talk abt, but can i vent or smth?
i had a dance earlier, and somethings happened (or ig the better term would be DIDN'T happen)
i wanna tell someone, but i don't want ppl to hte the guy,
but you don't know him so, you're the one i thought of
you can say no

sure u can tell me
i may or may not cry
but i wanna be here for u

@-Ames-
okay so

last night I had a homecoming dance
i was asked by this guy i've known forever if i would go with him
i said yes, bc i'd feel bad for turning him down
and well, to summarize:
around the end of the dance, i was chatting with a girl,
me: how are you?
her: oh i'm good, you?
me: well, you see that girl in the glittery green dress?
her: oh 'looks' yeah?
me: you see that boy dancing with her?
her: y-yeahh??
me: that boy is my date
........................................

'inhales'
idk why,
i don't care that much, i don't think...
but then again, i cried all last night?
i ended having the final dance with another guy, that was nice, even if he only did it bc he was turned down..
also my 'date' is mad at me bc the boy i danced with told everyone he ditched his date
i'm so stressed

i've barely avoided 6 panic attacks today

i'm seeing my 'date' tomorrow, he wants to 'make it up to me' by dancing with me
i hope we don't dance
also i'm starting school tomorrow -T^T-
why-why-why-why-why-why-why
FREAKING WHHYYYYY

*beats up a pillow n throws it out a window*
atleast u know, "normal" male ppl
anyways
idk wut to do
cuz ive never ever danced w any guy, ever so
he ditched u first, u shouldnt feel bad, just forgive him
n

idk if im getting all dis right
its a bit hard to understand. . . meybe im just tired
it is late
idk wut to tell u
if u dont like dis guy much, then u shouldnt care much
but be nice yk
n dont worry about it, rly, take things easy
breathe n calm down
make things easy n simple
idk wut to tell u
i rly dont
im sorry

@-Ames-
that's okay...
i'm going to try to talk with my older sis tomorrow, but she's really busy
There's so much stuff going on, i started my period the 17th, and i went to write that down, when i realized i missed the last two

like they never happened....
i have a doctors apt soon to address some really painful rashes i have on my neck
i'll probably bring it up to her
There's a lot of medical concerns i needa tell the doc...

supposed to start school tomorrow
uhg

i didn't sleep much last night, so if anything i say doesn't make sense
that's why

oh i see
n yeah
periods
i hate em

pls sleep well
n take care of urself
srly.
actually sleep.

@-Ames-
'hugs'

*doesnt know wut to say cuz is currently not okay but okay at the same time*

@-Ames-
Oh no
What happened ( ；∀；)

anxiety n dread
dunno how to deal w it

@-Ames-
deep breaths,
do you know what's causing the anxiousness and dread?

the anxiety :D

@-Ames-
-v-

checks out
i'm sorry i haven't been around, as always i hope to get on more *soon, i started school two weeks ago, and am currently 2 weeks behind
but alas, it'll work out
did you do anything for labor day?

no not rly
just talked w vero for like 3 hrs
laughed alot
vero trolled theirselves cuz they so forgetfull
laughed some more
we had fun
even if were miles away n just speaking, we still had lots of fun
i kept using my gremlin voice saying "I wanna nom on Kaveh's fingies"

also
we started
well....i started
to post more pages of the comic so yey

we currently have.....72 pages of the comic
n only done.....wut 13??

@-Ames-
sounds like fun, I wrote with one of my gal's and then we bbq-ed and watched disney movies
ooooo
i'll check them out as soon as i get back on my switch (bc my phone is being dfficult and keeps crashing)
arrrg and update on school;
i am now a wopping 3 weeks behind,
sooo....
anyway, how are you? *since it's been five days*

im alright
feeling a bit lonely in many ways
i also keep encountering trans guys, n i wonder y only trans guys
srly
i encounter them so much im starting to think dat one of my friends could be one
idk if he's a real guy or not
dis also is telling me...wut if i should just give up?
i cant find a single real guy, not even a single straight guy
im afraid of asking my friend if they're a guy or a girl cuz...they're so nice!
they so so sweet n supportive n helpfull
i dont wanna lose em

i doubt so much they're a real guy
its all i encounter in genshin, so he must be one as well
i can imagine if he rly is a guy, but still, i dont know the truth
im scared of asking, i dont rly wanna ask but i just keep wondering if he is or not

@-Ames-
hhmm, i'm not sure,
you could ask about their pronouns or something?
I'm not sure..
there is a quote that says "It's better to try and fail, and live with that failur, then nott try, and live with the regrete of never trying"
or something like that..
it doesn't fit very well with your situation...
you cold always ask about their idenity, most of the lgbtq peeps i come by love talking about it,
tho, that might just be because they kinda few in my area, so any that exist are constantly trying to recruet more people.
ig you are the best judge of this situation, given you interact with them most, you'll know them better, and there for be best at predicting the outcome

its scary
ive ask multiple ppl n i always feel like i accidentally offended them when dat wasnt my intention
they r very sensitive to such topics n get offended easily
i try to explain my reasoning but idk if it helps or not
n again i dont wanna lose him/"him"(idk)
its rly scary, i dont wanna hurt them at all
they're so sweet n nice
y....y is the world like dis?

@-ames-
maybe, if you get close enough they'll open up to you a bit?
then you would know
idk,
i really don't
I wish i did,
I wish i could help

its fine
im not ganna go after him
ik he is rly the one anyways

@-Ames-
I just wanted to let yk I found some of your art on artwisher,
I found quite a bit from colorslive....
Unfortunately I can't get back on the sit
But I did get screenshots
I was gonna send them to you via band lab, but I am currently locked out of my account
I'll get it sorted soon,
I figured you'd wanna know...
I'm currently doing more research on the site now, I'll let yk whatever I find, kk?

okey
thxs for letting me know n
i cant access bandlab anymore so i wont be on there till further notice -_-'

@-Ames-
ah, i see
yeah, when you get back you'll find you have a new follower named "maggie_iforgotmypass"
.-. oops lol

okey :thumbsup:

@-Ames-

heeellllooooo ~~~

how are you?

empty
meaningless
i have no meaning
im just a yr n a half from finishing school n i have no idea what im ganna do w my life
i sometimes wish i would sleep n not wake up till a have a good reason to
wht the heck am i ganna do??
i have nothing..
theres nothing i wanna do
not draw
not act
not create
not find mr.11:11
not start a family
not do anythint
idk.

@-Ames-

......
therapy might be a good idea.....

too bad i aint getting dat

@-Ames-
When was the last time you touched grass?

yesterday
i cant today cuz its raining ;-;

@-Ames-

ah, yeah, rain .... yes... i am well aware of rain, it seemingly rained everyday over here...

yk,
life has been stressful resently, i don't blame you for taking a break
it is sad... a lot of ppl have been leaving,
all this time i've been on the app, and i'm still not on it enough to fully enjoy all the friends i've made
i hope that i'll be able to be on during the holiday season, tho as much as i would like to say i WILL be on,
i've learned that i can't promise such a thing...
kinda unrelated but:
i was wondering if you'd like to play minecraft soon?

ill love to play minecraft
i usually play when genshin updates

@-Ames- when can you play next?
we can plan it :3

near the end of November??
im not sure when the game updates
theres.....like 9 ish days to the banner
ill tell u the exact date when when i figure it out

@-Ames-

okay :3
i should be free around thanksgiving since it's fall break

I have the date!
the game will update on Nov.20, usually from 5pm to 9pm??
i usually start playing games at 6pm
so there :)

@-Ames-
yaay- sounds like a plan :)
i look forward to it

im pretty nervous bou the update
im somewhat guarantee for a 5 star
but i want the 4 star character
if i get a 5 star dat isnt Neuvi...ima be so upset
i rly want the new boi Ororon who's a 4 star
i pray he's a good boi n comes home early
im so scared ;-;

hey hey
just letting yk dat
it may be on nov.19 the update
the timing is weird in the game (like 16:00 not 4:00) so its hard for me to understand when something ganna happen
so be on the look out
man i hope u get dis before the update TvT

@-Ames-
i'm sure things'll turn out
okay, noted,
ig keep me posted

*is in her room sitting in a mess of art supplies listening to happy inspiring music*
kk

@-Ames-
:)
btw when we do play, one who's world should we play on?

Um
lets try my worlds
im usually the host of things

i am upset
too upset to sleep
i got Lyney
EARLY
i had to pull so many more times
after 4 Sucroses n 1 Barbara
n LYNEY
i finallu got Ororon
Now im not guarantee for Neuvi
n if i lose my 50/50 on Neuvi's banner ima be even more upset
Im sorry Lyney, but u r GROUNDED
stay lv.1 FOREVER
i will not bring u into the field until i get Neuvi
until Neuvi is lv.90
until he has a lv.90 weapon
talents at lv.8
n a good set of 5 star artifacts
dat. is. ur. punishment.
for coming home when ur not supposed to

@-Ames-
cr4p, i forgot to check to see if you were on..

how was the update?

not good
i have 19 wishes
n u need atleast 90 to get a character
n atleast 160 if u lose ur 50/50
THXS LYNEY!!!!!!
*beats up Lyney*
UR FATHER AINT HELPING U NOW HUN
ahem
im a lil stress, ima have to explore, do quest, do puzzles, more exploration
*sigh
yk i am upset when i kick my own friend out of my world

ooh
yk
when we play minecraft u can show me around ur academy world
u didnt finish the tour i think

@-Ames-
i'll help you beat him up >:3
what do you say we double team him
okaii, maybe we can play a little of both worlds, uhhh when do you wanna play? since we didn't play last night,
we could play tonight but it's already 8:30ish, so i'd only have some 30 mins to play
we could do tomorrw, or sometime next week since tthat'll be fall break, and i *SHOULD* be able to play a lot then
*The only reason i wouldn't would be if my family forced me to socialize bc my cousins are vistiting for Thanksgiving*

no no
Lyney...
ur...ur okey...FOR NOW
turns out im at 30 pity....dats okey
i have 21 wishes so dats
50 pity
ima grind some more
but i still need more dan 90 just in case
n hey, if Arle catches us hurting her child, we will get kicked in the stomach dat will send us flying thru the roof, w fire following w an explosion
we will face the wrath of father
k
meybe during the weekend

@-Ames-

heheh, okay, i give,
being burned in a fight is never fun, so her son lives for now
great, i look forward it it
i just barely missed you by 3 mins.... dang

but im still here
wondeing if i should take medicine or not T-T
. . .
i should?
its just idk if itll make it worse. . .

@-Ames-
if you need it you should take some,
since it's the weekend, maybe we could play tonight, or maybe tomorrow evening,
i can work with both

ill try to be here tomorrow night
but itll be between 6pm to 9:30pm cuz i go to bed at 9:45pm

@-Ames- okaii,
I'm gonna be helpig a friend with a build, lmk when you're ready to play :)

k i will
ima go eat dinner, do the dishes, clean up my art mess, n after i shower i will play minecraft

n most importantly not tell vero ;v;)q

@-Ames- okaii

Why can't Vero know (* ≧∀≦)

its not da they cant know its just idk if i can tell em..
ill log into genshin, do my commisions n tell em
see u in a few minutes

@-Ames-

okay
sorry i'm a little late, still wanna play?

@-ames-
Okay so I was getting back to the comic, but then I realized, maybe this isn't the best way to start the story?
Maybe I should start earlier n the timeline....
I could make it the prologue...

meybe?

So when r u getting genshin? *eggcited*

@-Ames-
downloaded it earlier, haven't gotten the chance to play yet
btw me and kitty are playing mc if you feel like joining

*more excited ame noises*
ooh i cant wait!!
i still have to wait a few days tho
in order for us to play co-op ull have to be ar16
ooh i still cant wait tho, we can still chat tho!!

@-Ames-

:)
I need to finish setting up the acct, bc i need parents permission, i'll get to that tho
i just hope she lets me

i hope she does
ik they want to keep u safe n all
but sometimes over protectiveness n untrustworthyness can hold u back
*is being held back

i hope r doin good these days
im feeling...alright ig?
i made a Diluc doll today
he's currently naked
hes still cute tho

@-Ames-

yeah...
btw merry Christmas!!
<3 hope it's been a good one

@-Ames-
i finally set my accnt up on genshin,
sorry it took so long to do .-. the terms and conditions were a little sketchy, so i had to do research and make sure it was safe (it is, thankfully, tho i do strongly advise we don't you the messenging feature too much)
anyhow, it's all sorted out now :3

woohoo
cant wait to start playing w uu

i am in pain
ahhhhh

@-Ames-
Are you okay?!?
--sorry for the late

yes yes im fine
the pain was coloring in the freaking background

@-Ames-
I hate. I hate. I hate.I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate.
8ukhgkh8ir86t

?
u okay?

@-Ames-
okay-- no,
but this is about genshin
everytime i try to load it it just crashesss
I'm gonna try again today, if it doesn't work i wil try some tech things
I'm sure I'll get it to work eventually...
I'm dissapopinterd we didn't get to play together on break

oh
it is a big game w lots of stuff, so if ur electronic is not strong enough, or doesnt have enough space for the game, it will crash
but hey!
ik u can do it!
it will work i promise u!!-
im too used to the genshin emojis n idk how to express my words w the emojis here
mostly cuz of the lack of knowing what things r called.....
im so ignorant TuT'

@-Ames-

:/
didn't work last night, but i just tried again, we'll see how this goes

how are you btw?

eh
disappointed
i got my computer back
but my parents wont allow me to have internet, so the only thing i can do is draw in it
only god thing about drawing init is, its just a lil bit more advanced dan colors
dat y THEY gave it to me
but dats not y I wanted it
i wanted it to start a yt channel, n be able to talk w vero in a comfortable place n draw together aswell
but not
its almost useless....
so im still crying about dat...
cant animate or do music or do anything w a device dats MINE

i drew Razor to test the drawing program
but i had to use my dads computer for the reference
can u imagine how silly n odd dat looks
i hav my own computer, dats faster n better dan his
but i can only draw on it n have to use his for a reference
y dont they trust me?
its been 4 yrs
idc if my phone has Internet, dats for music

@-Ames-
so sorry for taking so long to reply, i thought i did but ig not
that's a shame,
but ykw? it's progress,
maybe in a little bit they'll start inching into other stuff, like internet and stuff
who knows,
I hope you feel better soon--- or already feel better
:)
Also, i think i figured out what's going on with genshin,
still dissapointed i didn't get to play in on break, but perhaps one of these days i'll stop drowning in school work
I'm glad i've made it this far, but i also kinda wish i didn't lol
it's so much....

but yk, we should play minecraft together sometime,
maybe while i try to reload genshin bc that'll render my computer useless for a while

i got internet
i can atleast have reference, write my stories, n email my cousin
r u sure ur computer is capable of running games??
genshin is a big BIG game n needs alot of space
u need a good strong computer for it
i cant play it on mine, its not capable enough for games
better?
heh....heheh...heeeh....
i rly want therapy...i want help, but i cant get it
they wont understand..
im sure itll be of great use but..i cant get it...
meybe...next yr...yeah...yeah ill be around next yr.
for vero..

@-Ames-
i hope it'll work...
same boat here but also different----
ppl keep telling me to get counseling
but idk, that's kinda a messed up thing to tell someone

i understand why i am the way i am, however, my problem comes from other people not willing to listen
it doesn't help i don't know how to put what i feel like
idk...
you should,
they'll ask you questions that'll help you understand yourself better
then they simply say it as it is, and validate your feelings

my parents wont understand
they dont get it
but i found a way to gwt help
its not professional, but its help
both my cousin n Vero r helping me
they both know how communication between me n my parents r
its rooouuugghh
Vero hears it sometimes too

@-Ames-
... yeah
i'm glad help-is-helping--- ??? idk how to word that better .-.
it's quite funny, really, how parents will say 'you think you know everything--' To ya, while still not understanding what's going on with you, yk?
like, they don't know everything, but they'll act like they do---
my parents are fairly understanding, i just wish i could explain...
yk?

yuh
they say i can go talk to em
but i just dont
i dont trust em enough
n vero can hear my trust issue too
i have trust issues w everyone rly
to a point, i still dont completely trust vero
ig dat'll change when we meet

@-Ames-
I hope you're doing a little better
Ik I'm not lol
But that’s fine
Trust is hard to give, and when it's broken, it can be hard to ever want to try again
But....
What I've grown to learn is, that it's important to trust those around us, especially those who want us too... life with no relationship with our parents is a hard and lonely one, and one day, we may just regret not placing our trust in them...

That's something I've learned recently....

ive been up n down
i had a pretty depressing week last week
i made vero cried cuz i was struggling w sui thoughts

i try to trust them, but its hard
i want to, but theyve hurt me too
im not sure whqt to do about it
whn im honest n vulnerable, they hurt me
its like the real me isnt okay
it could be anything, a reaction, an opinion, a way of thinking, an action
any of that
its like what the real me does is not gud

@-Ames-
you're not alone, if that makes any difference,
though, I'm not sure if that's comforting, ik when I'm struggling, I hate hearing that bc i'd rather be the onl one struggling over hundreds of people relating,
but maybe it helps you

how bad are the thoughts? do you know how you'd do it if you did?
if you think you will, I've found it helps when you write down those thoughts,
especially if you have no one to talk to, or if you can't talk to yourself about it,
ik i have a few notes i've written to myself reflecting those feelings, and it honestly helps,
try asking yourself questions, one's you might be asked in thearapy,
if you need help, lmk, I'm the thearapist friend to all my aquanntises,
since you can't imediatly go to thearapy, and you don't feel you can trust anyone close to you, then it's time to do your own self reflections,
it also helps if you write down the exact thoughts you're having and burn- tair- or really anything to destroy them, and then tell yourself "they are just thoughts, and i have control over them"
the things you contiously think effect the thoughts you can't help
I'd also recommend trying to be nicer to yourself- it helps too!!
and ofc,
I can try very-very hard to help,
while i can't get on everyday, when i can get on, i will do everything in my power to help you through this, it's the least i can do

also, I might have gone a little over-kill with the comments on yt, lol sorry in advance if i seem obsessive~~ I'm so happy you finally got that channel you've always wanted!! It's legit made my whole day

ig i kinda know how
ig i can just take an overflow of pills
or find a way to hang myself...
eh..

ive been up n down w it
main reasons r school, communication problem, not feeliing free, n im just getting rly tired of fighting

yey
i finally have comments

@-Ames-
hmm...
well, you're almost out of school, but, i do agree, school is a nightmare, I can't imagine how hard it is you you...
there are books you can read to get better at communication, tho, you don't like to read,
audio books and yt videos also exist, you can try one of those, see if it helps,
freedom... is a choise... It's all about your veiw,
try to think of the things you do have freedom to do, over the things you can't (E.g. play video games, cp, draw)
maybe make a in depth list of things you'd like to do (A bucket list) before you are out of school
this is simply one bad period of your life, and one day, it'll be over,
so it's a waste to give up, if you give up, you're also giving up on your chance to be happy, and persue your dreams

"one day itll be over"
i think dat day is today
*treats the wounds i have caused myself*
i broke, so now its time to be build back up
dis time ill....ill do it right
ill work hard to finish school, fast.
ill take care of myself
ill get dang job so i can buy myself socks!!

@-Ames-
slay lol
also, I just saw your new video and--- GURL.
your voice is so pretty!!
you said your voice sounded like a boy-- but mine sounds more like one then yours doess (The acent doesn't help me out me none either.)
I can't get over the fact you have a yt now!!! I'm so happy for youuu

how are you doing, anyway?

im alright
looking for a job
its just... i gatta tellmy parents ehe
i was confident, but now im scared

im currently anxious to continue my rp w Vero
im sorry, i just love being a depressed Kaeya n have a loving awkward Diluc w me

im struggling w video ideas rly
my art doesnt get much attention on yt

i wanna do lil skits like Easter's ,Kharia, n Kaveh
but those dont get much attention
except for Easter....idk y dat blew up
almost 1k views

@-Ames-
hmm... that one short with your characters was rlly good, and i think a lot of ppl liked it,
you could do another

oooo a job--- I'ma get one of those next-next summer when i have my license

what kinda jobs are you looking at rn?

well all of the ones available for me
i chose the barista at starrbucks
i dont know any other of the jobs n i dont want to be a waitress or host
i need to do things w my hands
dats working for me

i havent rly done much...i think i may have to wait till summer...
ofc the job wont be listed on by then...but ill look for something similar
were so tight on money rn
n i dont have alot of time after school
im also scared...idk if im..ready yet

@-ames-
that's a good job! you might be able to get a job at a local cafe too,
and, ofc, it's kinda a really cozy job, maybe stressful at times due to costumers, but at least its aesthetic

it is right around the corner, ofc, if you wanted to get it right a way, you could try switching between school and work every other day ---perks of being homeschooled
------------
I'm sure you'll do great! plus, if it gets to had, you can try a different one, it's not like you're trapped at one place
and, ofc, think about the bright sides, that'll make it easier,
try to ignore all the possible negitves, most likely, the things you worry about most wouldn't happen, and if they do, you're brain would've probably way over shooted it,
for example, if you're biggest fear is getting fired, then work super hard, and if you get fired anyway, you then have the oppertunity to find a place that'll actually appreaciate your dedication
(^^^^ Advice taken from my older sister) <3

my fear is not getting fired
is mostly not getting hired n having anxiety attacks due to costumers

ill have to work around my mom schedule rly
sometimes shes at work, sometimes shes at home
n i do wanna work alot, but not too much
i dont wana work on week ends cuz . . . its my weekend man, i dont want a job to take it from me
yk is my time to,sleep in n stay up playing games w Vero
not another day to feel like the spotlight is on me cuz i barely go out in public

like i told Vero
i got shoved into a box of comfort
im lonely n ik im lacking many social skills
i want to leave dis box but im too scared to

another thing im scared of is how much i will be able to work w out feeling fatigue n tired, n w legs about to give up cuz im standing for too long...!

im malnourish
i cant run w out my heart trying to break out
if i skip ONE meal ill tremble, get dizzy, get rly tired, n my heart will race n make me feel like im dying..!

i try to eat alot
i try to exercise
but i always forget to, n i always lose my appetite

when it comes to food n eating, im struggling so much w it
i either dont like it, dont wanna eat it, im trembly n tired cuz im not eating, but im not hungry!!!!
i ate just now, n im already feeling tired n trembly
it sucks
im so skinny n weak
i cant gain weight at all
idk how to fix dis

@-Ames-
sounds like you should start a jurnal,
maybe look into getting anxiety conseling

also, what really helps to remember to eat is to keep a list of what you eat, it'll help you be more mindful,
and also, perhaps when you do eat, eat something full of nutrition

the things you want, are closer then you think, but you'll have to chase them.
<3

hey, I think you should try the 3 3 3 rule
"See: Look around and name three things you can see, paying attention to details like color, shape, and texture.
Hear: Listen for three distinct sounds, focusing on the pitch, cadence, and rhythm of each sound.
Move: Choose three parts of your body to move or focus on, like wiggling your fingers, tapping your foot, or gently stretching your arms."
I use it, it really helps :3

my plan is to stuff my face w food mpre frequently
n exercise
ill try to research healthy foobs to eat
n wait till i got my own house n kitchen to buy whole foods
cuz my parents buy low fat foods, which isnt helping me or my brother

u see my parents r trying to lose weight
they r pretty chubby n heavy
but me n my lil brother tho
were almost skeletons (my brother mostly)
n we dont eat alot
i dont have an appetite anymore
n my brother is just picky as heck

n its not like we can buy food for us n food for them
cuz everything is expensive, n we r rly tight on money
n a lil on debt
so dats fun.

@-Ames-
ah, i see,
good plan, that'll help you gain energy too
that makes sense,
I'm a little in the same boat, everyone in my fam is on some sort of diet,
I'd recommend eating more smaller meals, over eating a lot whenever you get the chance, bc otherwise you're blood sugar will rise and fall like the sun,
smaller meals also tend to be easier to make too--- I have some recipes that could work for that if you need ideas (Also, you could try smoothies and such too!!)

whoops--- I must be tired cause i missed a huge segment of txt:
*Eating more smaller meals throughout the day, instead of eating a lot whenever you get the chance
oh-- also, rice is really great for bulking up!

nvm, i didn't miss a segment, i just said 'over' instead of instead

ill be working on dat
rn im going thru dat midnight motivtion to work on myself
but wht i need,to do rn is sleep
n calm myself
met someone new today
nice but anxiety
need to learn how to not tremble n feel like dying when socializng...
im dehydrated!
dats what anxiety does to meee

hm
i thnk ill eat small, but often
snack here n there

@-Ames-

ooo that's great!
yes, sleep, get those hours, you're doing great!

they be so nice
we have lot on common
heck, turns out we even joined genshin on the exact same day!!
i was enjoying meeting dis person but then i remembered
i should be careful
theyve been so nice, but ill need to know em for a few months to actually have their trust
just got me thinking, what if they a creep?
they didnt give me dat vibe tho.....
that other persn did...
they said "hey baby girl lets fix dat social anxiety" n then left
but new person
Shine
has cured me

@-Ames-
i guess online?
that's cool
speaking of genshin. . . might hafta buy a new computer--- but it's okay! it's gonna be fine, might take a while, but it's okay

hmmm, are you gonna join a gym btw?

im a 17 yr old
w bad social anxiety
no money
feels like i dont belong in public
n have no idea hpw the outside world works
no
i cant do anything w out my parents
i can just do small exercises at home
oh thinking how sick i am makes me wanna die
i wasnt like dis...
i used to be able to do push ups, run a mile everyday, lift weights w no trouble
no i struggle breathing when talking to someone :cry:

@-Ames-
that's the worst. . .
but i believe you can rise again!! I BELIEVE INNN YOU
also, great news,
my older brother is letting me use his computer to play genshin!! played the first time last night
IT'S SO GOOD!! i'm obsessed and i've only gotten to the knight meeting (i love knights)

give me ur uid rn.
GIVE ME

so nice how they introduce kaeya w his flat butt

@-Ames- lol
Maggie, i believe, maybe @MaggieSue327, but i dunno

heheh flat butt

no, the numbers on the bottom right
i need dat to fren u

actually

676146759
das me

kk!! i'll get them for you as soon as possible
I'm so excited!!

@-Ames- help, I'm getting my learners permit soon, i have no idea what i'm doingngngng
I said I'd passed the test by WINGING it, and my parents think that means it's safe to put me behind a wheel X{
I've still gotta take it, currently trying to put it off as long s posssible while I actually study for it

behind the wheel?
u driving?

idk man
i dont think i have the brains to help u rn
i spent the whole day fighting w my computer n i still havent recovered from it
im so upset rn

@-Ames-

yeah. . .
welp, lets just hope for the best
what's wrong with the computer?

space issues
my drive is so full
idky
i spent the da fighting w it
ended up resetting it
now i dont have a drawing program
n wow
my mom gave me a usb drive for help AFTER 3 MONTHS OF DIS BEING AN ISSUE!!!
she gave it to me WHILE it was resseting
dat honestly made me a lil angry.