i followed cheese like u said to :3

ty @Moth_The_Cat

BRO I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS TO GET 3 WHOLE FRIGGIN LIKES WHAAAA D^XFYDTUFTUFY

OMG 4 TY GUYS

WT_F A SILVER STAR AAAAA

Yep-

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- DOYEL
****
I MISSED YOU SM *HUG*

*OMFĠ

IM SO HAPPY

i felt like i recognized your artstyle

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- how are you??

I've also been good <3

@-_M1LKSH4KES_-

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- yeah?

what is it?

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- omg wow
i-
wow-
*kissy*

*hug*
*kissy*

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- i-ilyt

<3

@-_M1LKSH4KES_-?

Y-yeah >///<
it's the same for me

I- um-
kinda
maybe sorta wrote a song abt you ( -///-)

@-_M1LKSH4KES_-

I wish i could ACTUALLY sing it for you

@-_M1LKSH4KES_-
I even have a guitar and everything

my sib has a apple watch

@-HABIT-, btw

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- my sib @-HABIT-

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- godďammit they said no 〒^〒

also, i wrote the song at 1 am while eating mango sorbet lol

Wait they need ur number

he might do it
he's gonna say it was someone he met at the park near where i live
it's called Sunken Gardens, but we call it Sunken

@-_M1LKSH4KES_-

aww <3

oh oki
ur gonna have to make a private post for me to give u my sibs number
they said so

@-_M1LKSH4KES_-

and it's ok

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- do u wanna know the song lyr?

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- okii
it's called "the one for me'' -////-
*sweet mellow guitar playing noises lol*
''Every time I look up at the clouds,
I see your face
and it reminds me
how you never fail,
oh, you never fail
with your warm smile and your gorgeous laugh
you always make me feel like I'm gonna collapse
It's kinda crazy
How you make me feel hazy
I fall in love with you more and more every day,
You make my heart ache in every way
I'd do anything for you
even just to make you smile

Even have my heart broken for a while,
There was something missing in my life,
and it was you
You're my light in the dark,
someone who knows how to cheer me up
how to lift me up
you're the one for me
the one I wanna spend the rest of my life with
the one who can make me smile and laugh
you never fail,
oh, you never fail
with your warm smile and your gorgeous laugh
you always make me feel like I'm gonna collapse
it's kinda crazy
how you make me feel hazy

You're the one for me
the one for me
the one for meeeeeeeeee

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- s-so um
y-yeah ( -////-)

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- >////<

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- u on?

WAIT NUUU DONT DIE ILY TOO MUCHHHHHHH

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- its ok luv uwu <3

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- ilysmt <333

yesterday i went to olive garden, and i wished u were there so we could re-enact the scene from lady and the tramp w/ my spaghetti <3333

@-_M1LKSH4KES_-

dammit i just remembered im on my period (〒υ〒)b

thats fun
YIPPEE
CRAMPS
MY FAVORITE

aw sh!t i gtg
ilysmmm
ttyt <33 sleep well my love

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- bye babee <3

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- hi my lovely <3333

hru?

@-_M1LKSH4KES_-

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- i'm good

@-_M1LKSH4KES_- <3333

dw <3

if you remember me, its Slay/Eva and im so sorry for faking my suicide

@-slay-in-a-nutshell- It's fine, but please don't do that again, ok?

@-JakeWebber- yeah, of course!

@-JakeWebber- no problem :)
take care of yourself, ok?

@-JakeWebber- Ik i sound like a mom,
but you shouldn't do that
broski, you need to
:sparkles:bE yOuRsElF:sparkles:

And Ik how sh*tty that is
i gotchu bro :)

@-JakeWebber- whatever happens, I'm here, ok?

@-JakeWebber- ofc, np :)

@-SUNSH1N3- holy shït, that's alot for you to handle
I understand the letting go part
It feels like it's impossible but you know it's not
it sucks

@-SUNSH1N3- have you talked to her abt it?

@-SUNSH1N3-Would there be a way for me to talk to her?

* @-SUNSH1N3-
and yeah

you could say something like,
"Hey, I'm going through a lot rn,
and I feel like you're not bothering to put aside time for me when I need you the most.
I love you so much, but it feels like you're always too busy for me.
I'd love it if we could work out a way for us to talk more"

@-SUNSH1N3- ah, ok

@-SUNSH1N3- Is the gf @/-OneAddition-, or someone else?

@-SUNSH1N3- ok, just checking

@-SUNSH1N3- I'm talking to her abt it rn

@-SUNSH1N3- go onto the "0 - 0" post and look in the comments
i gtg soon

It's one of her posts btw

@-SUNSH1N3- good idea

@-SUNSH1N3- I gtg
take care <3/p

@_SweetSunshine_ BRO IMA DEADAŚS SEND A PILE OF STINKY CHEESE TO HER OMG

@_SweetSunshine_ GRRR
OK
YK WHAT -
*grabs you and kisses you/p*

@_SweetSunshine_ MUAHAHAHAHHAHA :smiling_imp:

@_SweetSunshine_ YESSS
*starts cheerleading*
GIMME AN F
GIMME AN L
GIMME AN I
*falls over but gets up and continues*
GIMME AN R
GIMME AN T
GIMME AN I
GIMME AN N
GIMME AN G

FLIRTINGGGG

@_SweetSunshine_ hey, are you a gun? Bc I wanna put you in my mouth
my friend told me that :sob:

@_SweetSunshine_ I have a few more
"Are you a toaster?
Bc I wanna take a bath w/ you"
"Are you russian?
bc I wanna 'russian' your bed" (bc russian and rush in sound super similar)

@_SweetSunshine_ MY JAW LITERALLY DROPPED D
READING THAT

oh yeah, I commented on a bible verse post saying

I have a confession to make...

I ate a bible

BRO THE POSTER RESPONDED "?!?!"
IM GONNA SAY
"It was very tasty :yum:"

OK
look at the comments on @/redpanda's most recent post

*@/redpanda491

@_SweetSunshine_ IK
MUAHAHAHAHAAAAAA :smiling_imp:

@_SweetSunshine_ ****
MY JAW DEADAŠS HIT THE FLOOR :sob: :sob:
is it ok if I tag one of my friends so they can read this?
I wanted to ask first lol

*OMFĞ

@_SweetSunshine_ @monster_energy_drink
GUYS HELP A BIT OF A FROZEN MCDONALDS SMOOTHIE FELL DOWN MY BRA :sob:

@monster_energy_drink Also read the chat

@_SweetSunshine_ at least it wasn't an actual ice cube :sob:

@_SweetSunshine_ BRO YES
YOU'D PULL SO MANY BĮTCHESS OML

HELP WHAT DID I WALK IN ON

@_SweetSunshine_ i just thought of one
are you dough? bc I knead you
ITS SO DUMBB :sob:

@_SweetSunshine_ teehee ty

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ lmao
wanna talk abt it?

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ Ah, I see

quite silly indeed
( - 3 - )
\:pray:/

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ eh, it's not too bad lmao

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ OOOH
OMG OMG
SPILL THE TEAAAA /nf

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ for the billionth time lmao

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ have fun lol

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ I'd literally go to y'alls wedding

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ wait I gotta tag u in smth lmaoo

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ and I trust your opinion btw

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ I saw a thing w/ a pickup line yesterday lol
"I'm trash lol"
"As someone who cares deeply about the environment, I'm obligated to pick you up"
"Is 7:00 ok?"
"YOU SMOOTH MOTHER FCKER-"

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ alr lol

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ wait, what do you want me to read??
I'm so dumb istg bro- :sob:

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ (・~・)?

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ ah, sorry

ok, ok
I want you to watch the youtube short "hollywood whenever they're filming a foreign country"
the thumbnail should be a guy holding the neck of a guitar to the camera
TRUST ME ITS GOOD

@_Your-Emo-Angel_

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ alr
I got the name wrong anyway :sob:

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ it's so fcking funny
for future reference, it's "every hollywood movie when they arrive in the middle east" by VISHV+
it's accurate too

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ it has a guy playing music, then a guy singing into a mic, and then someone eating fries, then someone wearing fabric on their face (IM NOT ****** I SWEAR), then someone w/ a wobbly filter, then another guy

*RAC1ST

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ the wobbly air makes me laugh every time I think abt it
or the random shot of a camel eating
or the black character who's there to give one-liners
definitely the wobbly air one tho

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ GRR HOW DARE YOU DIE ON MEE
*grabs your ghost and throws it into a copy of harry styles' body*

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ LMAO

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ REALLY OMG:sob:

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ GRRAHHHH
I WANNA CRAWL THROUGH THE SCREEN SO BADLY GUUHHH

@_Your-Emo-Angel_
DONT
CRY
I
AM
JUST
A
FISH

@_Your-Emo-Angel_ lmao
it's 6:53 pm for me rn

bro

weathermans talking and venting about me being an ex-proshipper (forced)

im kind of panicking about i

@rondelite WHAT?!?

@rondelite hey, hey
it's ok
we both know you wouldn't do that

they said they were cutting becas eof it

(ont confont them plea se

dont

@rondelite ok, I won't

thank you for coming and talking to me about it
I'm always here if you need anything, alr? <3/p

@Cosmic_k1lljoy
go to new drawing s i think its there you cant miss their artstyle

@rondelite ok, I will

new scribble d sorry theyreprobably talking behinf my bac i hate this

@rondelite it's gonna be ok
remember cuba

@Cosmic_k1lljoy

ggrhurh rolling aroun i cant even post bc they folow m

@rondelite you can post on my alt if you wanna
obviously, only if you're comfortable with it

@Cosmic_k1lljoy

ill b okay i think

@rondelite alr ^^
I can also make you another alt
Temporary emails are the best

ita ok i got it i thi l

@rondelite okie dokie ^^

do you talk to weatherman anymor

@5mewmet very rarely

bro i have beef with them idk hy im actually like holding grudges

@zimzim I just removed them from my bio

we used to talk like everyday guys actually

@zimzimmydoomday damnn

2014 was ten years ago

@zimzimmydoomday time is so weird istg

klaus said hi

@zimzimmydoomday aww, tell him I said hi back ^^

okie :3

@zimzimmydoomday tyyy ^^

@violetSeadweller is it alr if I tag @/-HABIT- in this?

ye :D

@-HABIT-
HEY
STINKY

@violetSeadweller I replied to burnt8bit with just
":foot:"
NOTHING ELSE

@Cosmic_k1lljoy
HELP

@violetSeadweller BRO WAS SO CONFUSEDDD

OHHHHH HII HELLO

@violetSeadweller HIHIII
my stinky poopyface mom made me do yardwork

me when im im im going crazy!!!! the homestuck altr s are askin g begging to be silly rn

@violetSeadweller ur so real for that :fire: :fire:

idk if you'll get mad or not, but hey its me vio.. i kinda need to rant abt something, i have nobody else to rant to. I would tell my gf but I feel like shes just too busy to notice im hurting, even tho i vent too much :')

I hate life,
i hate myself, i hate my parents, and i hate faking every emotion ever.
I have no motivation to do absolutely anything, My girlfriend is online 1% of the time, and we speak like 5 minutes a week which is even more draining cause i havent gotten affection since like 2 months ago.
Im constantly crying, when i should be excited about upcoming things i dont even care abt it
like i have a choir concert coming up, not even excited.
Theres christmas, I have no christmas spirit, I just wanna lay in bed and cry over everything.
And now my friends have noticed when theyre not around i turn emo instantly..

what the h3ll is wrong with me

@BringMeTheHorizon *hugs you*
hey man, it's been a bit
I'll never, ever hate you or be mad at you
you mean too much to me, and I love you <3/p

and guess what?
being emo is sick AS FÜCK
look at Johnnie, Jake, and their friends
they're fücking AWESOME
so if people make fun of you, they're making fun of our community, our FAMILY
and we can't take that shït

you can always, ALWAYS vent to me, or talk to me
I'm always here for you, man
I love you <3/p

Thank you so much :sob: your actually the best i swear-
life is just going downhill by the second...
and what i mean by emo is just i turn into a different person and im just not happy anymore. I have no motivation to do anything

i wanna k!ll myself bro...

my gf literally started yelling at me when I told her how i felt abt her only talking to me 5 minutes a day and she told me "STOP FU_CKING COMPLAINING ISTFG."
cause I was telling her abt how she never takes out enough time for me. And im like wow, that literally shows she doesnt give a sh!t, so i made a whole rant thing of how she should be fu-cking grateful i do so much for her. And i have extreme depression so this is why i always want to be with her, shes the only cure.
and she always makes an excuse of why she has to go when im venting. Everytime i vent to her she doesnt try to comfort me anymore, so yeah im gonna stop venting.
Even though im literally there for every bad moment she has.
But dude.. who is in the wrong here me or her?
I know i can be clingy, and always wanting to talk.. but it seems like she just doesnt care about me anymore, and it physically hurts.
ig ill just tell her something that'll make her alarmed that she fu-cked up by yelling at me.

But i feel toxic now..
But all i wanted was to just.. talk to her..
I just wanted to spend time with her
but no, she got mad cause i told her the truth about herself that all she does is get mad everytime i try to spend time with her because she "cant be motivational." and i told her "girl, all i do is fu-cking cry, you think im motivational? all im doing is falling apart."
no comfort to me what so ever. im so fu-cking done.

do you know how we can get over this?

i suggested trying to find a way not to think abt her.. by focusing on my future career .. but idk if that'll work
if she just spended more time with me i would be happy..
i just hope when she reads the messages i sent her she wont say "were breaking up then." if she does im gonna k!ll myself..

ughhh im crying so much :sob: the only thing that has stopped the tears in taylor swift :sob:

i havent ate anything in 24 hours.. i feel like im gonna d!e
my girlfriend doesnt fu-cking care about me
all i keep doing is looking at her message saying "stop fu-cking complaining." it makes me hate her.. i love her, but i feel such hatred at what she said its clear that she doesnt care abt the fact i miss her. SHE DOESNT GIVE A SH!T IVE BEEN CRYING FOR # HOURS ATRIGHT IM SO HURT

@BringMeTheHorizon holy shït, that's a lot/p0s
thank you for venting and not keeping it bottled up
and I know how it feels to not eat for a whole day, it's the absolute worst

yeah..

we broke up

seems like she already got over it a long time ago, she told me she didn't like me anymore, and she couldnt date a trans person and she felt she was straight.
Basically we broke up because shes letting her parents get in between us. She cares abt theyre opinion too much.
But she told me she has treated me horribly.. and that I need to find someone better who will actually love me..
we're still best friends, im still deeply in love with her,
she... she just strang me along, and didn't tell me because she knew I would k!ll myself.
So all the ignoring the flirting, all the not caring enough, all the times she left me. I already knew, its because she didnt like me
and she had the nerve to yell bc i was complaining

im just heartbroken and watching her... get over me like It was nothing

@BringMeTheHorizon oh my god...
that's horrible <:(
*hugs you* I'm always, ALWAYS here for you if you heed anything, ok?

thanks.. :sob: i forgot to reply..

pff- shes already over me, shes already head over heels for this guy, she claims shes upset
but i think im the only one who has been cutting and crying everyday this week.
Shes gotten over me in a second

and ik ik.. ive stopped cutting for awhile
but i probably wont stop for long

its been a week
i dont understand how she could get over me that fast.. she seems so happy

@BringMeTheHorizon
hey
I'm so, so proud of you
you've been through a lot, and you've gotten this far
and that?
that is absolutely incredible
it just proves how strong as hell you are, how much of an ABSOLUTE FÜCKING WARRIOR you are

I'm so, so lucky to have you as a friend
you're sweet, kind, funny, handsome/p, a total goofball, and one of my closest friends

I love you dude <3/p

dude u just made me cry..

I love you so much- <33333 im literally gonna think of what you said EVERYDAY
because yk what its the damn truth. I havent k!lled myself
yeterday was the first day in awhile I didn't cry.
And although i cant eat, cant sleep, and im constantly battling depression
I have made it through everything, so easily despite falling down every second

And I still do my hobbies even though im suffering all the time. I still have my love for singing, I still care for myself everyday to make myself feel better
some people cant even do that..
but i've done it.
Even with my heart completely shattered
and wtching someone get over me in a blink of an eye, and notice they only cared about me as a friend than a lover.
Im still going..

you literally just made all my confidence come back-
see, this is why you are the best person ever.. your the bestest friend I could EVER have, and NOBODY could replace you

cause a week ago I didnt say this i said
"im gonna k!ll myself.. i hate myself, im never gonna be good enough, why am I like this."

@BringMeTheHorizon I will do literally whatever I can to make you feel better
I would DEADÀSS SHOW UP TO YOUR DOOR WITH GREEN DAY, LINKIN PARK, BRING ME THE HORIZON MERCH CDS AND CONCERT TICKETS IF I COULD/gen

GOSH I WISH I COULD HAVE THAT IT WOULD CURE EVERYTHING :SOB:

;___; yeahh im still heartbroken still crying as always.. pff i love reading her posts about how cute this boy is
and im like
did we not just break up a week and 3 days ago?.. guess not
she is hiding this sh!t but it hurts to see her better off without me thats for sure..

i need to scream text some lyrics rn :skull:

I'm really gonna miss you picking fights
And me falling for it, screaming that I'm right
And you would hide away and find your peace of mind
With some indie record that's much cooler than mine
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
You called me up again tonight but
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
This time, I'm telling you, I'm telling you
We (we) are never, ever, ever getting back together
We are never, ever, ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me)
But we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh (yeah!)
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh (yeah!)
Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh (yeah!)
Oh-oh-oh!
I used to think that we were forever, ever
And I used to say, never say never
Ugh, so he calls me up, and he's like, "I still love you"
And I'm like, I'm just, I mean, this is exhausting
You know, like we are never getting back together

hell yeah, SCREAM THAT SHÏT!!!!

@BringMeTheHorizon

FOR REAL

yk what she still does the same old SH!T
and it still hurts THE SAME OLD WAY
I take out my time, dedication, to text her and she dont do the fu-cking same
shes one of those that leave you on read for an hour and have a lame a$$ excuse of why they had to leave so suddenly
like u couldnt just say "brb!" instead of make me wait 2 whole hours

but i hate the fact were friends and im still clingy.. its cause im still in love with her
and she knows I am too

cause why would i wait all day just to text her :skull: like how damn petty is that? its true obsession i hate it
she'll probably get mad at me because i still always wanna talk to her, and i flirt with her, and everything
well you caused this for your fu-cking self.
and I can tell she dont really like talking to me.. cause we still have the same issues we had as a couple, now as friends

@BringMeTheHorizon I wish there was some kind of ability to destroy feelings that aren't reciprocated so you wouldn't have to deal w/ that smh
FEELINGS SUCK

DUDE I WISH I COULD DELETE IT ALL TOO-

she got upset at me because i always talk abt how heartbroken i am.. like how could u be upset at me for being upset!? IM HEARTBROKEN GODDAMIT
I CANT JUST THROW EVERYTHING AWAY LIKE SHE CAN-
and i told her that too.. that im jealous of her
im so jealous
she can lift everything off her shoulders so easily,
trying to find a relationship because she feels lonely, and that she needs one.
And I dont even want a relationship anymore
that was it.. she was it..

i dont want anyone anymore.. its not like i'll find one anyways
but her talking about how she wants someone all the time makes me wanna say
"well, you had the perfect gentlemen right here. The man that would treat you like your an angel, because you are an angel but you threw it all away and while it wasnt your faults because feelings change you still could've had me."

she still couldve had me..
all the dates i planned.. getting married.. living our best lives.. all the days i daydreamed about her.. and the laughter.. the days we could just slow dance and listen to 1D because I know how much they mean to her
and all that is thrown in the trash all because im genderfluid, and im not a real man, and her parents wont accept her, and long-distance relationships are hard
and my commitment was much stronger..I wanted to battle through this together
she didnt

and she just threw me to the curb like it didnt fu-cking hurt me. It hurt me to the core.
telling me "go find a pretty girl.. someone who will love you and actually spend time with you"
"you'll find someone so much better"
and i dont care if she had imperfections, and she barely spent time with me
I was glad to have her love, but the love lowkey didnt feel there anymore
it was one-sided it was just me.
But she was that pretty girl... but now her love is gone
and my love for her is still growing

I loved her for everything..
Her personality, her imperfections, how pretty she was although she says shes never pretty..
ive never convinced her as long as ive known her that shes beautiful i dont think she'll ever see it for herself.
But honestly, it was an honor to have my heart broken by her
Such an honor..
all the pain i feel, was her.
But as people say, if you love someone you'll let them go
so I have to let her go
even if its the worst thing I could ever do

@BringMeTheHorizon ...wow
*hugs you*
ngl
it's her fault for leaving someone so amazing, awesome, funny, and one of the greatest people in the world
bro all gender-fluid people should look up to you

its not even easy being genderfluid.. its hard finding a partner that'll accept your different qualities.
She did accept them.. at first she thought that was like the hottest thing abt me that I had different sides to me. But when she lost feelings she made me feel like being genderfluid was just sh!t..

its not her fault though.. she wasnt attracted to me anymore she gave up.
its hard to believe though.. we both said we were soulmates for the longest time and made a promise to be together forever, and somehow overtime she just decided "i dont love u anymore"
and then she decides to hide all her emotions so it makes me feel like she doesnt give a sh!t she shattered me

and thank you so much.. your always so sweet and comforting, if anything you'd be the best partner to someone :sob:

yesterday we had an argument... i told her how i hate how she always leaves without telling me and she said i ruin everything bc i always complain about something about her.. and she said "were not even dating, why do u care? your being too clingy again.."
and i really hate myself now.
like i can fucking change that its in my personality, if she dont like it she can leave im not making her stay

im deciding to just... barely talk to her, cause ykw i have more important things
things coming up that i should be excited for, like christmas and the concert. but she has made my mental health worse
now i need to fix it all again

uhm hiii TmT

dude shes lying

"im not over you, what makes u think im fine?"

shes been having crushes on people and we broke up like what, 3 weeks ago? damn talk about heartbreak, i still love her and shes trying so damn hard to find someone else

i dont get it. i dont GET IT. How t-f can she just break up with me and a week later have a crush on this guy, just proves hes been on her mind when we were together. which is downright wrong. Plus, she never even cried the day we broke up, i was nearly gonna k!ll myself from the pain and she never cried, she just told me "dont cry" why wouldnt i fu-cking cry

@BringMeTheHorizon OML I GOTTA SMACK SOME SENSE INTO THIS GIRL ISTG

and saying "don't cry" is literally one of the WORST things to say to your ex
like
GIRL
WTAF

*(her, not you btw)
you are literally someone I'm so grateful to have in my life/p
I just honestly don't get how utterly uncompassionate (idk if that's even a word) and uncaring she is
it's horrible

i know... i dont get it at all, shes been talking abt these damn boys and honestly, i think she was faking it she probably just played me and didnt even love me in the first place.
But ykw, im thinking of telling her I got with this girl so she can realize how much it fu-cking hurts that someone got over u in 2 seconds. I dont even believe her when she said shes not over me, it sounded so sarcastic
like girl really? if u werent over me you wouldnt be crushing on guys every other week
and then she was talking abt how she suddenly loses feelings for them
well no duh girl.. we just broke up, your heart is telling you your tryna move on too fast its like breaking up with someone and instanly getting with someone else
and then shes like "i need a mans..."
girl, you had a mans but u broke my heart so now u have no one

I also feel like she doesnt care about me either.. as my friend. I told her I was in the hospital last night and she didnt even tell me she hoped i got better.. im not getting better im getting worse.. and she'll make excuses "i cant comfort well" and everytime i vent to her she just switches it to how she feels the same, and starts yapping abt her life story

@BringMeTheHorizon I HATE WHEN PPL DO THAT UGH
and she's kind of a ***** ngl

actually its ok- idk why she didnt care, but she does actually care i swear maybe she doesn't see my comments?
like recently ive been having extremely bad chest pain, and i told her abt it and she was actually like feeling bad for me yk?

I mean idk... its been a month since we broke up now, I think about her all the time im still depressed as-f. Idk how she feels.. cause when i try to talk abt it shes like "dont remind me.. i'll never have anyone."
But I swear i cant sleep at night.. i get flashbacks of her telling me to find another girl, and to stop crying, and to just let go
and im like.. how could i just act like nothing ever happened, when my one and only st4bbed me right in the heart ... and left me when i was deeply in love with her
How can somebody who spent so much time with me, we planned out everything, and told me I was the best boyfriend ever
leave me so easily... ugh im starting to cry again

Yk if you love someone, you let them go.. i love her, i need to let her go im hanging onto someone that won't love me back ever again, someone who won't ever kiss me. Someone who doesn't miss what we had
god what the h3ll is this sh!t I want my girlfriend back, but as always its for the best she never fu-cking took out time for me anyways, she l!ed to my fu-cking face for probably weeks that she loved me and i already knew she didn't. And then told me that she doesn't feel attraction... even if i'm trans

merry Christmas!!!!

i've lost all spirit this chistmas.. :) i hope u haven't.. man i was up all last night crying my eyes out bc i couldnt stop thinking abt her and how everything is fu-cking over. I keep repeating the same words in my head "its been a month" like all she needs is a month to get over me.. im fu-cking nothing
like why am i crying the day before christmas eve

dude i really need to know whos fault this is-

so me and her got in an argument bc i was venting to her, and i realized i was venting a little too much. But she then replied after the vent comment that she was insecure and how something happened that day, and how she related to me. I then ended up comforting her but she denied my comfort, and claims she wasnt ignoring my other comments. Yet she didnt aknowledge the fact i was upset, and instead talked abt her life over mine. So I started telling her how wrong it was, and she has came up with excuses like "but i said i related to you?"
and "why are you being so sensitive about this" hinting that im the problem, so i felt I was and started apologizing and saying im toxic, and i'll stop venting.

is it my fault? or is it both of ours

i forgot to include the fact i was venting over having a panic attack, and i was crying bc i was feeling intense chest pain, which btw she said i talk abt it to fu-cking much, and i do, bc i need comfort she wont give. and she started yapping abt her life instead. So since im a nice person, I comforted her even tho I was crying my eyes out.

@bringmethehorizon honestly? I think it's not your fault OR hers

And yeah, you are a great person
I have a phone now, so you can text or call me if you want to

DUDE I GOT A NEW PHONE AND GOT IT TAKEN AWAY AGAIN :sob:

@bringmethehorizon AGAIN???
WTFH IS WRONG WITH YOUR PARENTS BRO OML

OMG IM SO SORRY I FORGOT TO EVEN REPLY

its an extremely fu-cking long story...
on christmas i got my phone back, my mom told me that i should not interact with my bsf because she never bothered to even text me while i was gone, and that all she said was "oh, i guess you got grounded ill talk to you when you get your phone back!" she also told me she was a bad influence, and impacted me badly- she blocked her, and told me if i contacted her she would take it away for life
everything was fine.. ti'll the day after christmas when my bsf reached out to me on her friends phone, she manipulated me into believeing she was a good person, and convinced me my mom was ly-ing to me. As stupid as i was.. i continued talking, despite what my mom said, then i asked my other best friend out bc i liked her..
my mom found out, about everything, she locked my phone, and told me im never getting it back, and sh!t talked me into the ground, told me im disgusting for asking my best friend out, made me know i was horrible

i now have really bad depression, cant eat sometimes.. cant sleep enough, i cry alot, my anxiety is 100x worse
they dont even bother trying to care about it either, or get me therapy
i hate myself for what i did, i rather not explain it was a misunderstanding, explaining my feelings is impossible.

my teenage life is fu-cked up :')

but- i have loyal, sweet friends who get me thru everything
and i love them all- SO much
i mostly get rid of depression by going after my dream, bc it cures it. making songs, singing, making music, and im so focused on that, i dont feel much