I didn't realize that I'd find something I felt like- was almost- family in the time I was active here... I didn't expect to be here so long... The more I got to know everyone, the less I cared about eventually ditching the account... Before I really started recieving notice in this community, I was going through a HUGE identity crisis. I had just gotten in trouble for looking at inappropriate things.

I tried to convince myself and my Mom that whatever I had been searching for/doing was not in my heart. "Of course that's what's in your heart." my Mother said. "Just like you get yourself a snack whenever you want to, you choose to 'investigate', or look at, or do whatever you want. You CANNOT say that that's not in your heart". No more then an hour after she had said that, that was the moment that I knew: "Oh my God, I'm Pans-xual.."

I struggled with my orentation so greatly. Internal H-m-p-obia was almost LITERALLY striking me. I was so scared and confused because I didn't know who I was. My feelings changed so often, making my self-disdain worse.. Even though I tried to convince myself that I was ok with who I was, it was all a lie.. I said to take my mind off of everything, I was going to start drawing how I felt. So Mom let me get this: Colors Live.

When I began to draw on here, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was able to express myself freely without screwing anything up or worrying about what people thought about my art or worrying about myself... One day I found something very intriguing: the "My Profile" button. It was interesting to me, but for a second I didn't want to push it, knowing somehow that it would open me to the social aspect of this game...

Sadly though, I let, not only curiousity, but the urge to self-sabbotage get the best of me, knowing that making this account without Mom's knowledge would get me in trouble for many months (even years- due to other stupid actions..) It was all so mysterious and interesting to me, this social side of the game. But little did I know that I'd have so many experiences here...

I honestly didn't care about how this would affect my freedoms, I just wanted to see what the heck this was. When I found out that you could draw on here, I said: "No one will care if I post this but- what the hey!" I got into the habit of doing this from time to time until one day I had my first follower. I was very surprised to see that someone had been liking my content!

Everything only escalated from there. The next thing I knew, I had been making friends with really popular artists and ended up getting 10 followers! I started to feel like I had a home. Fast forward to early 2022, I gained even more friends and some extra. I never stopped to think about that all of this was temporary, and I never cared. I enjoyed how I was feeling.

When early summer came, I started to get this sinking feeling: a feeling that something big was destined to come crashing to a fiery end... It became even stronger when some other artists left. This feeling was so strong, that I told my friends: "If there is ever a time where I don't come around anymore, know that I've not simply ghosted you all." This feeling remained in my subconscious, but I mostly ignored it... How foolish of me...

Then came the day: October 26th. My computer was acting up, but I had been procrastinating and talking to Ink through gmail. So when Mom asked to see what was up with my computer, I panicked, and tried to close out my tabs as quickly as possible. Thank goodness I did in time.. Sadly, the first place Mom was DIVINELY compelled to look was in my common use gmail. This account is still connected to it. The devs had just sent me a warning messages about something I had said 2-3 days prior...

(Foxy was going through something with another artist..) What I said was vulgar... even worse? I meant it. When she saw it, Mom asked me what it was. I denied knowing at first, but I later denied actually knowing anyone on this game. When she looked at my personal paintings (some were vulgar vents) she demanded that I delete this game and never download it again. That I did.

Mom later calmed down and asked me: "why did you feel the need to hide it from me if it wasn't ACTUALLY going to social media? Had you asked me if you could make an account or post your pictures, I would have said yes a LONG TIME AGO!" I felt a part of me die when she said that.. I knew she meant it. I was just stupid enough to hide it from her, just like I hid how I identified myself from her...

The point? In a short period of time, I realized that this "Sky" persona was officialy done and tired. "Sky": the abro Nb person who liked to draw and be silly and act like they/he fit in with the lgbtqia+ community. After I stopped identifying as "Sky", I was lost tbh... I was unsure of who I was... But it was only recently that I started to come into the new me who I'll be for a while.

I said to myself: " Idek my orentation anymore... let alone who I want to be.. " I told Mom how I felt about losing this "Sky" identity. "Just be yourself. There's nothing better that you can be!" she said. I pondered how I'd come into a new identity, pulling on the strings of my hoodie... "That's IT!! 'Strings'! I could work with that!!" I said. When asked why I chose that name, I replied: "Yk, like the strings on my hoodie!"

(The name "Strings" actually is a reference to 'pinocchio' singing: "I've got no strings to hold me back!" It also implies that I used to have alt motives when I did certain things. This new identity freed me of the mental torment I suffered. NoStringsAttached, NTStrings[Not Tangled], and FreeStrings are extensions to the identity.) What else is new about this? Good question.

I recently found out I'm Unlabled (My orentation and my romantic attraction are not specific and neither is my gender). I prefer he/him pronouns but can accept they/them as well. I like all genders but don't care to make a fuss about it. This is a really big deal for me because how I Identified was a huge burden. I don't feel as stressed out now as I did on colors surprisingly. So I'm not miserable anymore, I'm slowly coming out of my old personality and growing into this new one!

oh no

I want anyone reading this to learn from this. You don't always have to live a life of secrecy to find out who you are! You don't have to lose everyone and everything you care about to realize that you be ok eventually! Sometimes, you don't have to risk your freedom for your peace or you peace for your freedom. Coming to terms with your circumstances may be forced at times, but coming to terms about who you are, will take time. It CANNOT be forced.

There may come a time where nothing feels wrong and nothing feels right. Embrace those moments! They may take a turn for the better! If you still feel lost, try to avoid under-handed ways of finding out who you are. Try and wait for it to come for you! Opportunities may come when you least expect it, so don't get your hopes up if nothing comes to you instantly and don't give up looking for those little blessings.

It's a good possibility that I may never return to the Colors Live community again. But I will never forget the kindness that was shown to me, and I will never forget the people who changed my little life forever. You may forget me, and that's ok! Just stay as awesome as you are now! Just know that you are loved, you matter, you are special, you are beautiful/handsome if not physically then as a whole person, and you have a purpose in this life even if you don't know what it is! JUST BE YOU!

Don't be afraid to let your colors show!♡♥☆★○●□■◇◆△▲▽▽ This is @StringsATM_Galaxy / @GlassSky_Galaxy/ @Glass_Galaxy / @Cucumber_Galaxy / @Sky_Galaxy / @AM_Galaxy Signing off...!

Love, Strings◇

Nice knowing ya Strings!

Good luck in your life @StringsATM_Galaxy :) :)

I'm still sorry all that happened Sky...

I hope you stay safe and happy. And I hope you're alright with us being besties again, and definately that you find somebody that makes you as happy/happier than I did..

Take care.. - Inky

Cya :d

@StringsATM_Galaxy idk u well, but i know Ink..Lemme just say I cried. I cried reading your story because when everything happened back in April and May...this was exactly what was going on with me. To me too, this place felt like family. But it soon became toxic and bad for mental health to be on here after what I had done. So honestly, if u feel alone. Just know your not. Because "Osana" went through the exact same things "Sky" did...We love you @StringsATM_Galaxy , Have a good life. <:)

I love this story... It's so inspirational... Thank you for being on colors live!!

@Bread_ are they gone forever?

love you and hope your next journey of your life mainly consists of ups and not downs :) nice knowing you while it lasted. be safe and take care <3

@peachy_bxbes Most likely, unfortunately..

@InkDrawz :(

@echoswag Not my lyin' a-s tryna make a whole dam anime script LMFAOOOO- but srsly tho- this should give you an idea of the sh-- I was going through

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