(cont)
i also uhm know i drift away and start ranting abt like random things and ik like oh having adhd is a like a trend now uwu quirky no? its not? like ive suffered so many years not knowing like whats wrong with my brain and wy i cant imagine things shile reading or tryna draw sth and i always thought it was normal cuz everyobe assumed im jst dumb and need practice which i do but it rlly doesnt help all that much it just stresses me out

(another rant sorry i just dont wanna forgt)
so like anytime i see anyones vent or whateve i just feel like its talking abt me and its all abt me being a bad person cuz ahaha trauma is my best feiend who has bee there since 4 yr old traumatizing me since day one :wink:/sarc
anyways i tend to targwt myself into being the bad guy a lot and its rlly unhealthy cuz i get all these senarious in my head where the other person is lik oh i dont like u i actually hated u the moment i met u and that just-

(cont)
stresses the sht out of my lmao??? my imagination is is to strong for myself to handle it scars me and it feels like the things i makein my head are real and im like rlly terrified of like lossing ppl cuz of my stupid actions cuz i dont second guess myself like ever...so if i said sth stupid and like stated apologizing like a man tha cuz commited a war crime im sorry in advance cuz the guilty and the denial of ppl just start haunting me which is jus wonderful!

im just fcking brain dumping rn idk who to talk to abt tjis uhm its just pet peaves of mine and wow ave they been going around for so long!!! also kn advance!!! this ISNT for specific ppl!!! plz dont target urself the way i do and feel guilty!!! if i say sth like anythin anytime and u feel offended/angry whatever plz tell me so i can know!!! its better than hiding it i wanna know what i do wrong so i can fix stuff..

im honna go on my pc and hopefully not get caught crying to music at 4am

i.. you dont know how much this means to me, seriously i was getting to the point where i thought i might have to unfollow some of your alt accounts for my mental health and draining me to look at your posts, i always right a hole essay on your posts then get so scared to send it cause im scared you'll hate me or take it the wrong way or or idk do something to yourself.. i just get worried for you and get too scared to say something, like ill mess it up and make it worse somehow-

it hurts me that you're not in a safe place, and i see your posts and its all fine and good until somethng comes around thats bad but then it restarts the cycle. maybe its not my place to talk but im truely sorry that you have to go through that, i really am. i hope you can get out of the toxic invirement and get somewhere safe.

also im happy that you have a place where you can let out your emotions, cause bottling it up is never safe and shutting them down is also vary unhealthy. so im glad you have a way to let it out, yknow?

im srry and i feel for u i have some mental problems too so i understand i wish i could help :gives huge: @spaghettii -Ali