PUTTING ON A ((ADORABLE)) FACE FOR THE ((AUDIENCE) by AnArtistNamedStar

I'm starting to regret getting back into fandoms, since it's just been breaking my psyche and making me hate myself and be stuck creative-wise.
I am not a secure person.
I want to have pride in my work, I want to have a sense of not wasting my life, but I can't if I just feel sick whenever I interact with my fandom, since they love hating themselves.

Yes, my entire life revolves around my art, and I want to accept it and actually make something of myself.

#Shroomie #Spamton #Deltarune

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painted on a Nintendo 3DS
08 Apr, 2022, 1:27 pm

01:37

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AnArtistNamedStar

08 Apr, 2022, 1:40 pm

Maybe I should just go be a fan of something that all of the depressed self-destructive teenagers can't comprehend like EATEOT or Zdzislaw Beksinski because I'm starting to realize everything with a wide apeal and a cartoony artstyle attracts the cultural 21st century consumerist American capitalistic rot that Spamton was supposed to be a warning of.

It's like I wrote, he was supposed to help you untie your strings, but instead, you used him to tie yourself up in this cultural rot further.

We can't have nice things, f*cking Spamton isn't the problem, it's turning him into a f*cking idol, and then doing nothing but staring at him like he's the next Messiah, he's a F*cking. Broken. Puppet. That. Lives. In. The. Trash.
Why is he your f*cking cutesy asthetic????????????
Do you want to be like Spamton????
Do you want to live in the trash and rot away???
Do you???????

I WANTED TO MAKE SOMETHING SPECIL, SOMETHING ARTSY, BUT NO.
I WAS TO SCARED OF TRIGGERING PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO F*CKING LIFE.

AnArtistNamedStar

08 Apr, 2022, 1:47 pm

WhY AM I SO SCARED????
YOU ARE NOTHING.
NOTHING BUT WASTED STRINGS MADE TO CARRY NOTHING BUT YOUR OWN CONTEMPT FOR LIFE, AND I LET YOU KILL ME.
KILL ME.

I AM NOT LETTING YOU KILL ME ANYMORE. I AM A GREAT PERSON.
I AM BRILLIANT, I AM AMAZING I AM AMAZING.
I HAVE A BRAIN, I HAVE A UNIQUE THOUGHT.

This. This. This.
I was so scared I lost my artistic vision. My brain saying if you make too much fanart you'll end up like Chris Chan.
Lies. Lies. Lies.

F*CKING LIES.

I like Among Us, I like Deltarune, I like Popee The Performer, I like Rolli Und Rita, I like Sonic, I like The Walten Files, I like Hotline Miami I like ART.

I take care of myself, I have a life.
It's TOO BAD, that college is a pile of cr*p that makes me feel like less of a human, and that all my ideas are sh1t.

I DON'T EVEN CARE IF I SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT, I'm LIVID.

I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE. THE. WAY. I. WANT. TO.

BUT NOOOOOOOOO.
Stupid idiots on the internet telling me I have no life and I should change and be a normal

AnArtistNamedStar

08 Apr, 2022, 1:53 pm

Why do you guys hate AxxL so much, he hasn't done anything wrong besides maybe promote his videos in other peoples comment sections, and guess what?
We all need to advertize.
Because he makes you UNCOMFORTABLE for pratting around and having a laugh in his videos???
God.
I think it's amAzing what he's done.
Maybe I am just different.
But. Guess. What.

I'M GLAD.
GLAD THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE A SOUL AND MY ENTIRE LIFE ISN'T JUST HATING AND MAKING FUN OF EVERYTHING AND EVRYONE THAT ISN'T LOBOTOMIZED INTO THEIR IMAGE OF REALITY.

Gah.
I don't care anymore. Caring has been killing me, fearing has been killing me.
From this day forth, I say. what. I. want.
No shame. No fear. No bad feelings.
No feeling like anyone hates me.
because it's only narcissists who have no life that hate me.
And they're all going to heII anyway.
Not me.
No sirie, not me at all.