the rough sketch of this in my sketch book has nips.

S U E M E .

another fun fact: If you want to find mistakes in your drawings so you can fix them, flip them horizontally. I use the reflection in my phone's screen when using a sketch book...it's convenient.

Awesome shading! :o

But I'ma be honest the 3ds is kinda a pain to draw on. Like it's SUPER small and colors 3D doesn't support alot of tools that most other art apps support. Like more layars (instead of five lol) a copy tool, ect,. Also Colors is at it's ending point I want to grow more in digatal art so I'm thinking of upgrading to a tablet. But I highly dought I'll get one becuase they're so pricey!

Plus there's alot of tablets, not sure which to buy. :'D

And there's paper. I'm 'ok' on paper but digal art is what I like most.

It's more of a pain to use a tablet imo. I abuse the undo button a lot more and I can't draw directly on the screen so my coordination is bad (unless it's one of those fancy ones that you can draw on, but I can't afford it).

Colors is stupid though since the screen and the file size when exporting it comes out too damn small.
(I draw with an office pen in my sketchbook too btw lol. Pencils never lasted that long on the paper and pens always felt more natural which is why I prefer those)

ayy! you died but now you revived. how've you been doin, bud?

colors is almost all ive drawn with (ive done a few things on paper with a pencil but dont enjoy that like i do digital) that's probably one reason why im so active here/arent bothered by anything of colors' besides the annoyingly tiny canvases (god they drive me insane sometimes)

also huh, that's cool. i think my older brother used to use a pen back when he drew? i forgot/am not sure, but i think so.

aww man im sorry your month's been rough :^( i hoped you'd had a nice one...

anyway i draw on paper sometimes, not often though. last thing i drew and finished on paper was a venomoth in late february last year.

i started two rose drawings for mother's day (in secret) that year but i hadnt practiced flowers at all, wasnt ready to tackle doing that and so i didnt get them done... which felt bad lol.

a few reasons why i like digital more than traditional is i can post my digital stuff on here, no one irl is likely to stumble upon something ive drawn digitally, and in digital pieces i can just erase whatever with no resource (other than time and some battery life) lost, irl you cant /really/ undo what youve done if youve colored it in and your pencils and whatnot get worn down for nothing if you decide "EGGH I DONT LIKE DIS!"

i probably should try drawing on paper again, dunno what i wanna try doing though... maybe a portrait of one of my equine chars or somethin..

i think im fairly versatile when it comes to art, i can draw in pretty much any style if i want to. (i opt for my own realistic oriented style most of the time though)

/but/ that's not much cause a career in art's very unlikely for me, i love art and all that but im not interested in the pressure and whatnot a career would bring. knowing how i am, i might would be able to adapt and do stuff (you know how competitive i am, and when im around "high level" peers it inspires me and makes me step up my work lol) but ehh. my motivation for stuff's super screwy and id be too moody for it.

i really dont even have any goals for what i want to do with myself, im pretty much an aimless drifter in that regard, im headed nowhere. it's my own fault for being an idiot years ago (dont wanna post details about that online) but yeah.

also dont worry about accidentally coming off as an a.sshole or anything, i didnt get that vibe from you in the slightest! and even if i were to--

--there are different types of "a.sshole" (oh that sounds terrible)

some are good, like a "tough love" sort, and some are bad, like a "f**k you i hope i hurt you" sort. id toss anything with "im trying to help" tones into the former category.

so basically

dont worry 'bout it-

oh? it's not a troll thing or anything remotely of that sort, it's actually someone-- a silly stick version of said someone that he puts alongside his name on stuff that he signs. (not IOO*/,, of the time)

and gordon ramsay lol

*insert image of you with his face photoshopped over yours*
(im sorry lol that's the first thing that came to my mind)

some people out there charge 5O plus for simple cartoony stuff that doesnt even have accurate anatomy?... ehhh. well, if someone's willing to pay for it when they could probably find someone with better prices if they peeked around... lol

i tend to overthink so yeahh i probably am lol.
that's really cool about you having that library, ive got a fair few animal books (stuff like bird encyclopedia, horse encyclopdia *which has helped me a ton*, and so on) that ive used for reference a lot. but for the past few months ive just been googling, going on google images and glancing at pics on there for ref. the downside to that is it's less reliable than something physical, if your power or even internet goes out, you can say adios to those refs.

and ugh rainbow cupcakes. that was some annoying s**t, i dont see how so many people fell for it. im a gullible trusting fool (always have been lol im a little better than i used to be though) but even i knew back then that it was /a very clear/ troll thing.

i guess a hivemind/bandwagon type mentality got started with people and bam, half the place was screeching about it in some fashion. or it felt like it anyways. im glad that any more cr.ap like that hasnt swept through in a bit.

also-- the stick figure dude

i probably shouldnt post this cause it hasnt been 24 hours since i posted the thing yet and someone could come here and get the answer for it but im sleepy and figure "ay why not" so: (LOTSA "AND" ABUSE. english i ruin you)

the stick figure is rick allen (def leppard's drummer) or "stick rick" to be more exact lol

(shhh dont say a word about this on the stick rick pic lol)

holy sh.it....

god i hope it's not, but if it is, josh, it's not automatic death... there's always a shot... medicine's always advancing in one way or another, i feel like even if there might not be something really effective today, there could be soon.

in the cancer center waiting area at the hospital my dad goes to, there are a lot of donated magazines dotted around the place, several are focused on different cancer types and ive glanced at them once back when he was doing the "normal" chemo and would be there for hours (and so my mom and i would be in the waiting area for hours), they mention treatments that are still in the clinical phase but show promising results so far. there are a couple stories of people with stage 4 of [type i forgot] coming back from the brink /and ending up cancer free/ after going on some clinical trials, so-- there's always hope to hold on to i think..

*hugs* (i wish i could do it in person) please let me know as soon as you find out anything--

--and if it does turn out to be cancer, just know ive got your back every step of the way, just not physically lol...

also i dunno how well you eat and all/ how good your nutrition is (if youre like me, it's terribly) BUT regardless if it's good or bad, you know those nutrition drinks? boost, ensure (and maybe more im unfamiliar with)? start drinking those, my dad's doctors told him (and i mean they stressed it a lot) to drink 3 a day (of the plus variety, boost plus or ensure plus/whatever) to help keep him going. those things help a lot, though ive heard they dont taste great... my dad doesnt like them (he gets chocolate ones) but if they help keep you alive, good tasting or not theyve gotta be downed.

this is if it's worst case scenario though...

also hey there's nothing to be sorry for! id want you to come to me about stuff so i can try to support you however i can. im not exactly good support in terms of talking and all, but i try.

it's got a perfect ring around it? it might be some kind of bug bite, iirc tick bites sometimes have a ring around them. and the place from them can linger for a while in some cases. im not sure though cause i dont know a lot about tick bites and cant remember much off the top of my head.

if its edges and whatnot are all smooth and stuff that does make me think less "cancer" and more "maybe something else" like a bite, but still it's worrisome. and if it is a tick bite, i hope it didnt have lyme :s

also you might just be a naturally thin person whether you eat a lot or not lol. my older brother's really thin, he could eat a buffet's worth and it'd be like the food just poofed away. (im the same but id feel sick if i ate a ton)

and hey now lol you need to eat better on weekends, maybe some cereal or /something/ if you dont like cereal?

uhhh i actually cant remember when exactly my dad started treatment, that time was a whirlwind (or maybe tornado is more accurate) of all kinds of emotions, anxiety, and terror for a while after we found out about the cancer. i /think/ it was in ... mid december? but he got delayed cause of snow, we couldnt make it up to the place he was supposed to be treated at. (if this were private messaging id tell you the place, if you live near or in NC i think you'd recognize the name)

we found out about his cancer mass on november 7th, it wasnt confirmed to be cancer until november I5th.

...hmmmm im trying to think and remember if he started treatment before mid december, i cant remember though... iirc it took the doctors a little bit to figure what would be best to give him since his cancer's a rare type.

either way, waits are BS cause yes time is of the essence when dealing with cancer.

& you say it looks like a blood blister? hm... could it be possible you got pinched by something--

--somehow maybe? blood blisters can linger a while, back in... i have no clue... may? june? i managed to pinch the pi.ss out of one of my fingers while trying to grab a gallon of milk (w.tf, right?) and the blood blister from that was there for like a month or so, maybe a little more. ive forgot how long but i remember it was a while and i was like "finally" when it finally worked its way up and fell off.

(im just throwing out hopeful possibilities here... hoping it's anything but melanoma..)

have you felt more tired lately? like, get tired more easily? feeling more fatigued and getting fatigued more easily's a pretty universal thing with advanced/advancing cancer, energy level is something doctors pay want to know about (from what ive seen with my dad & his docs).

i think if your energy levels are pretty alright /and if this turns out to be melanoma/, it's not terribly advanced.

ugh though...this is gonna be a long two weeks to sit out...

hm again, depending on how the place youve went to is and if youre in NC (you are or in a neighboring state arent you?), maybe you should go to the place my dad goes to, it's the best hospital in the state or one of the best? (well, saying this i might as well namedrop... wait maybe i could on the friendlist? i should add you)

its cancer treatment center is really good, lots of people from other states go there for treatment. it's a busy, busy place.. and it's a total clusterf**k to be in on particularly busy days lol. god it can be such a clusterf**k to sit in for hours but it's worth it.

^ and depending on what doctors have scheduled for you on your visit, you could be up at the place for nearly half the day, which isnt fun.. but-- it's worth it if it helps.

it's where a small mole was? oh s**t, yeah that's not good...

but if your energy's about the same as normal, i think that's a good sign.

keep your eyes open for any new pains that are persistent or anything, i dont know exactly how cancer pain feels but if i recall right my dad's said it's a constant dull pain. i think it varies depending on what the cancer's gotten in though. basically, any new unusual pain or consistent pains from, say, breathing in deeply. (like, not the random sharp pain you get fron breathing sometimes but rather it hurts /every/ time you breathe in deeply and it's the same or seems to be getting worse)

(i hope i never find out how cancer pain feels but odds are starting to stack against me, my late aunt (mom's side) who i resemble in many ways died of ...liver? cancer a few years before i was born, my dad... well you know about that, and we recently found out that my uncle (dad's side) who passed away in june had cancer in his kidney that he didnt know about)

and yeah i heard that, it sucks :'^(
hopefully he'll be a lucky one. vivian campbell (leps' guitarist) has had cancer (non hodgekin's lymphoma) iirc he's clean now, i dont know the details of what stage it was when it was found on him though.

(hodgkin? hodgekin? i cant remember how it's spelt, man my ability to remember how to spell the most random things is bad.

i also am not sure if i even spelt viv's last name right, the name "campbell" messes with me... lol)

also that's good, im glad to hear it! it's f**ked up your dad had to beg... i guess people at places see so much stuff they get desensitized to it and dont try pushing stuff along like they should. that doesnt excuse it though...

also also i wouldnt mention it to my parents who are religious, but at this point i think if (christianity's) god is real, he doesnt interfere in things the way people think. i feel like if he's there, he just kicked off the big bang and all that then sat back and watched things unfold, and things that happen are by chance..

over the years ive grown apart from religion, i used to be religious but the older ive gotten the more some things bug me, some religions being like "the god mentioned here is the only true god, the others are false and you shouldnt follow them" seems disrespectful to other religions.

why cant all of them be a thing? all the gods in various religions existing in some fashion seems like the more likely thing to me if any really exist.

and then there's the deal with evolution, "it's not real" is something i strongly disagree with, it's the big thing that makes me hold the belief that if there are gods, they kicked off the big bang and watched how things unfolded.

a few days ago i read a bit about melanoma on a few sites and im pretty sure they all said "people with suppressed immune systems are more at risk of developing it" so id guess yeah your body can fight it off, i dunno if it can do it after a noticable spot has appeared though... i dont recall if that was mentioned, im not retaining info incredibly well right now lol.

this picture's starting to make my 3ds lag a little when i load it, if i stop commenting here & move to another pic it means this one started making me crash.

anyway (im really tired so this might be -probably will be- stupid lol)

one way someone could look at things is a bit of a what if we're creations of something or one in the same way robots are our creations and that that creator has a creator?

my mind always wanders to something like that when i think of the subject of gods now, kinda goes to a cycle of if we were made by someone, were they made by someone? the usual response to that would probably be "we're not supposed to understand or question" or something like that but i cant help but question how...

maybe someday within our lifetimes /if we live long enoigh and are lucky/ (...probably not), science will be able to shed some light on things. i think it would be really cool for solid proof of things to be found in some way.

ah this is rambly, i should try to sleep--

--i want to but dont want to at the same time.

fffFfh i dont wanna do anything

f**king damnit now i probably shouldnt sleep for a bit because i hit my head on something.

and i /want/ to sleep now.
all of this cause it's really hot and i was trying to turn my ceiling fan back on to not roast so bad. (f**k you, chain/pull/i dont know that's only a few inches out of my reach)

also i see what youre saying, humans trying to imitate a/the creator.

it's neat to talk about this without being afraid of getting put down or told "NO that's wrong" at all, i wish everyone could be so nice and chill about it.