it feels like you never existed now. i keep all of these things that you gave me and or made me feeling sick to my stomach at my own ******* self. what have i done what have i done. its just awful. why do i ******* keep it. it ******* hurts cause i cant go a second without thinking about you and i cant understand why. i refuse on every level to throw any of it away though, because of some hope deep down that in the future you'll be there. but i cant ******* get it throyh my head that you are gone. you are gone. why do i remain in the same frame of mind that i am still with you somehow when you want nothing to do wirh me.
i cant ******* believe how much i took advantage of being with someone EXACTLY like me. when i have to live with somebody who fudking hates everything that i am, like, and do, just imagining the things you and i bonded on, is a ******* dream.
and i threw it all away so god damn easily. how could i do that.

look at me, ao sad and pitiful. ******* lower than pity, thats what i am. you were never the issue, and my love for you was never a lie. im more ****** up than you can understand and i hate that you have to put it all on a simple answer that is: I NEVER LOVED YOU. THAT IS ********. YOU WERE CLOSER TO LIVING THAN I EVER GOT.
you can understand now,that i hate myself, and i find myself putting me in these ****** situations cause i want to hurt myself.

and hurting myself is all that i have been doing.

i taste death on my teeth every day i wake up, and it excites me. i realised the only reason i do this is because i KNOW i deserve nothing. I KNOW HELL IS ALL THAT I DESERVE. I CRAVE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING.

so before you have another thought. another god damn thought, that i never loved you, just know that was the most human i have ever felt. because the rest of me, the part that wasnt my love for you, just wanted to end up dead. im sorry. for never having the courage to tell you. but its over for me.

ive written my suicide note, and i await just the right moment. i never thought id die alone i laughed the loudest whod of known? hehehehehe.
now im just talking to myself, as ive been doing this whole time. i plan that the day is soon. and im not sorry because i know this is the best thing for me. its so soon. i can almost taste it.

tell my friends that i love them, but i really am not sorry.
goodbye
goodbye
goodbye.

please get help, there's still hope for recovery. You are more than your flaws and what you've lost

plz go to a hospital and get some help. plz dont kill yourself i know you can get through your depression. plz try to do something that makes you happy and keep doing it.

You dont know me, but please dont. Think of the people you will affect. My girlfriend killed herself last year, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. There are people here who love and follow you.