dat gray coloration

GRAY IS GUD

hello im a lil late because i wqs watchin youtube
and now ive realized: I FORGOT TO DRAW ANYTHING FOR FATHERS DAY FOR MY DAD AND I FEEL LIKE SH.IT NOW SO IM GOING TO GO DO THAT AND RUSH OUT A CR.APPY PIECE OF SH.IT FOR HIM KWJRJSKHDJS IM SO DUMB FOR FORGETTING

i might talk later i dont know

im back
i had a bit of a breakdown into tears right in front of my dad when showing him the drawing because of how terrible i felt about it and a stupid thing i did minjutes bfore hand and im honestly still feeling down combihednwith what imas feeing down about earluer
id prefer to ralk babout it on discord rather thannhere wher anyine could see but at the same time i int give two sh.its buy at the same time i do so im jut sittinghere being miserable zgxhzgx
please stiol be here

did you leave

i did keep you waiting for an hour so thats understandable

he was happy but im nit super happy with the drawing except the shading snd its very rough and messy and i suste felt like i kept him waiting all day only to tive hime something that was garbage compared to what he xiuldve gottn if id actyally cared enouth to remember to draw something beforehand
my mom was the one who made me feel down about this (WITOUT MEANING TO) because she wondered why i hadnt even said "happy fathers day" to my dad and ddnt want yim to end up feeling down or smhring
then theres the fsct that around the time i went to show him i was having a lot of negative thought trains and lso nnded up like--it was ariun the time we usually brush iur teeth and get ready for bed and such so i got ryans toothbrush rwady... even though he alredy brushed yis teeth before me AND I SHOULDA KNOW THAT
and then my dad was asleep when i wanted to show him and so i hsd to wake up and thats when i finally just'
stared crying.
nohe of this was even that stressful but im an idiot [ cont.

and wimp whi can get upset at the simplest things
and tyen theres other things bugging me, namely because of tye recent colors drama and something ive noticed that mell and truth are looking into abot / @-ender- hiding child p.orn or smth? ad just
hskdhskd i didnt wanna mention thison here because fear but f.uck it
it maks me thinj abot some of the worse things in the past ive done that while cant be cmpared to.. that, stoll make me fee like im horrible
ivemchanged and im knowing btter now but i stiol feel miserable abut it especially snce i just feel like someine could just decide to come along snd say "HEY YOU'RE SH.ITTY AND I'M GONNA SICC PEOPE ON YOU BECUSE OF SOMETHING YOU DID OVER A YEAR OR S AAGO NOW"

i shouldnt be scard of ttat but i am and jskskdjsjd

also i thinj i just heard thundr outside thats nice

and i honestoy fee,like imhave no right to vent or feel bad about any of this when many other people have wors things going on in their lifes
[ cont

and compard to them, im just being an attentin seeking baby who should shut tye f.uck up and just internalixe these "problems"
most of the are just feom me being insecure about the smplest to be honest

i.ll stop rnating now

hh
honestly ijma very paranoid person in general, im often scaredmof being judged negatively by either saying or doing something stupid or by something i like/have drawn
hell even recently with king sonic x metal sonic or somthing like infidget, whenever i check notifications on anything im bracing myself for what i feel is the inevitable "what the f.uck" or "cringe", especally since ive een it hsppen to a rwally sweet persin on here, more on tyeir on da @SHADOWBOOM on here, @mephiles101 on da
and its iist
i feel like i sjouldnt vent because if i do, people who i care about/who care abiut me will worry
i dont want people to worry abour me, especially since im just
brought down or briught back up by the littlest things
something stupid like even a typo could make me feel better while even just something likethis datgers day mess brings me down
and whenever i do receivewords meat to comfort, i rarely fee l anythin in respknse musuaplly
[cont

i dont want people to bother if it diesnt ven cheer me up, its no t their fault it doesnt its just me bding a piec of cr.ap
and just
are my bad moodsev en worth rhe efforr
thats all they are, bad moods
compared to actual problsm s peopl hav, im nlthing but a teen whos oribably jusg having some edgy hormonal moodswngs and needs a smack in the hesd snd a chikl pillp
or maybe fifty of them
heck, even you having problems with your mom--thts worse than ehat im goinf throuh
i donr deserve anttninf i have. im a bit spoiled and obliius irl and i hate irt
i need a firm slap in the gskull or a shov down the neares flight of stairs

i shlud sto rating and ,ove on already but thisbri g me to the next thing i eant to ,ention
i linger on the bad thngs way too long evem when i shoildnt and i shoild jusg stop
bjt i just needlessly worry about ,inor things

i sould shut up im sorry

sorry for the uninteligible stuff wjdhsjs

hhh you're right in that aspect but i still feel like i could be placed in the upper half of the "that's weird" spectrum
maybe it's not bad or weird to you, but i know and have seen a lotta people that say otherwise

/you/ deserve to vent because just
im hsving unimportant moodswings
you're actually going through verbal abuse and such irl. that deserves to be heard

honestly know what im roo tired ti try andmt7ype up anythung lobg again
maybd we xan talk about slmething else
idk hhhh

i dont want to letjt them drag me down but im stiol paranoid and honestly i probably take things too hard

you're rifhr about ryan, but things have been (mostly..) fine irl lately in terms of what he does
well i mean-- nothing noteworthy anyway

i dont recmmendmit, i could still understand ya but
> wheeze
an i dont jnow how long i'll be up for
i'm definiteky very tiredmright now though hh

hhhh oof
i dont go many plsces in genral but whenever i do go smewhere im just nervous
ive been doing a bit better in thay aspect of rhings i guess but itsnhard for me to say for certain

idk about 3O minutes, i do havd more on my ,ind ut in too tired to put it inti worda rifht now to be honest
plus its a big kless compared to my wslls of text beforew

> huggo x2, snuggle
honestly id love to snuggle up with you riht now ffhdhdjshd
long distsnce snuggles work at least qmq

im feeling a bit better but im stull gonna be really blegh fir awhile i bet
i remembered abou t a weirdndream i had last night though

> rests head in your fluff
aaaaaaa thatd be really nice
also ty ;w; you should try and tet good sleeping habits normally tho gud sir

ye i can explain the dream
i distinctly remember it started with this pride related musical thing seemingly made for kiddos with visuals made w/ crayons and such and i just distinctly remember some kids being colored in with these crayons
it was a bit trippy if anything but also kinda adorable lol
it then cut to me watcjin this on my switch, puttung my switch away in its dock, and then im suddenly whooshed to this heckin weird aquarium/fish related place with my dad
i remember accidentally leaving my glasses behind at the entrance and having a mild panic cuz we couldnt go back right away to get them due to some tour thing
also when i say weird aquarium plsce
i mean w e i r d
we saw all sortsa fantasy lookin water creatures and were even able to see tWO OF EM MATING I THINK LOL
[cont.

they were these weird purply violet pot lookin things with fuzzy peachy orange,,,, tendrils(?) around their rims
i distinctly remember they moved with these tendrils and this heckin weird blue tube thING extending from one of them into the other's pot thing

yeah it was weird but not gross or anythin lmfao
we kept walkin through the aquarium until there was some alert about smth breakin out
we were gonna go back untIL THE HALL IN FRONT OF US FLOODED VIOLENTLY
we got shoved back to a previous exhibit, and the water flood broke some glass and let these monsterous alligator things out
i distinctly remember my dad fendingnone off from me with a club thing he tore off a display
and thEN ANOTHER ONE CHOMPED MY LEG AND TRIED T DRAG ME UNDERWATER
,,,, and then from where the flood was, this spooky, shadowy water creature with bright yellow eyes made the place shake, and seemingly commanded the alligator's to stop?? nEEDLESS TO SAY ME AND MY DAD GOT THE HECK OUTTA THERE [cont

i distinctly remember having stared at th thing for what felt like a lil while before we fled
we then met up with this doctor guy who, when we mentioned th water thing, immeditaley and panickedly wanted to examine us for smth
we had no idea what but he was saying it was very urgent and so we went for it
a blank ensued and then i just found myself lookin for my glasses at the entry place, luckily findin them
,, and then noticing my vision was oddly much better than usual without them
i woke up shortly after that
GOOD LORD WALL OF TEXT IM SORRY QWQ

also i have no idea tbh lmao

its kinda hard to remember what it looked like, i wanna say it was a kraken since that makes sense but it also made me think of suicune from its silhouette, so idk lol

aaaaa ty ;w; its fun to rant about these things but i dont like flooding oof

-w-
yeeee, i am
> waves tail a lil

actuALLY IT REMINDS ME OF THIS SEA KELP DRAGON THING I DREW ONCE A WHILE BACK
its down in my earlier alt posts but i cba to look for and tag it with smth, so i'll probably leave a tag here tomorrow in the mornin to it (assuming i remember)

gud point

> tilts head to the side a bit, soft purring
o-- tyy
ur tail's cute too fren,,,, i dun think mine can floof up too much lol
plus, my tail may look very simple bUT ITS ODDLY HARDER TO DRAW THAN IT LOOKS

gl!! its a black swirly thingie with three eyes visible, i actually found it but too lazy to log out of main, log into alt, add tag, log out of alt, log back into main, and comment a tag here lmaooo

_w_
> purrr
rip quasar, his fur Too Poofy
and ono indeed

im rlly feelin tired now my eyes aint stayin open omo

np!!

okieeee uwu
> blep
> waving tail still

yeee floofy boi
oooo? :eyes:
i am now c u r i o u s,, guess i'll hafta wait and see .o.

ye imma snooze after i see your reply, so gn!! i hope you have sweet dreams, and i love you!
> smooch
and ty for talkin to me ;w;

oo epic :0

ye u can do it tomorrow uwu

aight well time to snooze, night, an byyyyeeee
(short comment cuz sleepy hehe)

#lookitthisherefren
theres the post xp

im so tired i dont even know what time it is exactly but i think its almost 9, commnting this will answer

also this post is startin to lag whenever i tap to it, might start crashing soon for me idk

idk how long im gonna wait tbh im sleepy omo'

i was about to leave jzcsdkshdjsd
hELLOOOOOO

its aight, minecraft's epic xp

wOAH THATS EPIC MDOOD!!
i havent even tried fishing much in minecraft lmao,, i really should

im half asleep thats how i feel > wheeze
my eyes just wanns clooooose

rip
im way too chicken to explore nether fortresses and such even if im all geared up lmao

> relaxes and leans again
-w-

but yeah im rlly tired and probably wont stick around too long lol
i was in a slightly bad mood earlier but rn im acually feeling rlly good, namely cuz im feeling more motivated to do irl stuff and also cuz im laughing at funny things me and max talked about earlier/the rps lol

also im still rlly proud of my latest drawing of king sonic,, i didnt say much about it but hKJDHDJHD IM REALLY PROUD OF IT AND HAPOY ABOUT IT

same for the end too tbh

.o.
_w_
> soft purring

lmao when he first heard my voice he was just
him: "i want to say something but it's probably going to sound offensive, should i say it"
me: '??? yeah sure say it'
him: "... you sound like a gremlin"
me: > bURSTS OUT LAUGHING

like i entered vc w/o my mic set up initially and was just listening to his guitar and such until we started properly talkin again so i hooked up my mic and tht was one of the first few things he said
lmao he meant no harm tho

were u thinkin here on my alt in terms of chibi or my main
cuz i was talkin about my latest post on my main > wheeze

o o f
that reminds me of when i essentially lost everything valuable i had in one of my better off files on minecraft cuz uh
i'd set my house super high up on a mountain and had even managed to dig out a tunnel to let me to the bottom easily, and uh
there was a ravine pretty close by with a mineshaft in it and i'd made some plank staircases and platforms to bridge it, ye?
i was super confident running to the ravine all decked out with my best stuff, was headin to the mine's to get smth i dont remember what, more iron maybe? and i
jumped into the ravine semi blindly, mISSED THE PLATFORM I MADE BY A HAIR AND FELL DOWN INTO THIS ONE PATCH OF LAVA AT THE BOTTOM OF THE RAVINE
and the thing is me panicking is why i died
cuz i hit the home menu out of being startled, and apparently my character had sunk to the very bottom of the lava as a result of this when i booted back in

so yeah uh
there went my stack of diamonds i had at the time
[ cont, good lord i ranted]

i was so devastated that i havent even touched that save file since grjrkdfkd

nah my voice aint that great
ive listened to myself and i just hate how i sound idk what i hate exactly about my voice but i hate it
or well
hate how it sounds when recorded anyway
i sound aight to myself but when listening to how its recorded i just
aaAAAAAGH

sorry for ranting about all that lmao > wheezes

aa its aight,, and ty ;w;

i have a habit of at least carrying some of my more valuable crafting materials on me when going places i deem safe (the mine was very lit up and such from previous explorations)
so i essentially had a "nothing can go wrong" mindset
and then everything went wrong
i was even on hard mode too > wheeze

true i guess but still
if im right your voice always sounds a little different to yourself than to others, my voice sounds a bit medium to slightlyyyy low pitched to myself unless i purposefully raise my voice
but when ive heard myself recorded im jUST
WHY?? AM I SO??? HIGH PITCHED?????
do i sound higher pitched to you or am i nuts

also im still pretty tired right now i wanna sleep really soon

i hinesoy (gud typing, *honestly) wanna revisit the file but it was a very crushing defeat to lose my stuff like that
,,, at least i had two cats and a dog on that file from what i remember
and my house was rlly epic--tbh its something i wanna show ya since even if it was still an extreme wip it was nice as it was at the time
built /into/ the near top of a snowy mountain's side
.. oh yeah i also had this one random room i stored sheep and cows due to not having a proper farm set up quite yet lmfao

hmmmm,,,, i c
yeah my voice sounds either weirdly high pitched or just weird/bad to me in recordings

aaa aight imma go snooze then, ily and hope u have sweet dreams!!
> puts paws on ur cheeks
> smooch on the lips
uwu <3
i'll stick around a lil longer for ur reply but wont comment a response, just know i'll have seen it (unless u take ten minutes to reply or smth) xp
gnight