I know these kinds of sarcastic parodies are greatly overdone, but I was feeling spiteful.

...you can totally have a naive or inertly "good" character, by the way; I just think there should be more to them than that.
Actually, my advice is irredeemable by default, because I always like the tortured, miserable freak characters more no matter what. Please for the love of god take any bit of criticism from me with several metric tons of salt.