im so tired

im tired of not knowing what im doing, not having any ideas, not being able to pick my a.ss up off the ground, tired of myself, of how weak i am, how different i am, im tired of the fear, fear that i'll die, fear someone's dead, fear someone doesn't care for me anymore, im tired of seeing how jealous and selfish i am, tired of lying, of acting different to different people, i dont know who i really am, im so tired im just done i want to cry and talk but i cant i cant im tired