(continued from description) "It makes me sad she's wasting her life at such a young age, and I want to know how I can help her. I don't exactly know where she lives, but, I want to help her anyways."

INSTRUCTIONS: Comment below with advice for @Shimmeringlights.

Hey. I'm the guy who did the sans drawing 3 or 4 paitings below this one. Nice to meet ya.
There's always a source for one's pain. The firststep is to identify what that is, before any advice can be given.

Sometimes friendship means saying something someone doesn't want to hear, but true friendship requires open honesty.

She probably wants to avoid the topic because it makes her uncomfortable and defensive and she doesn't want to ruin your friendsip or possibly to think about it too much. However, you can make her more comfortable by leading in with asking her advice on something in your own life or in the life of someone else who you care about. This will make her more open and activate her empathy, making her less closed off or defensive. Then tie this into your concern for her, so that empathy and compassion are your obvious goals. This means letting go of "she's wasting her life." That will only make her defensive, as it deals with the value of her life and decisions. Instead, focus on how you care about her as a friend and don't want to worry. If your first topic relates well to hers, you can compare the two situations, like if you've done things that hurt yourself before.

You're going to have to be patient with her, because if you're just pestering her all the time, it will annoy her. You must always make sure she knows it comes from a place of concern and love, not judgement. Most people can't stand feeling judged, but they can stand feeling loved. So talk to her about emotional issues that matter and she'll get used to deeper topics instead of just the superficial ones after a while, but also don't be serious all the time or she'll associate talking to you as being serious or emotionally draining. Diversify your topics and keep it light, but also mix in emotional ones and ask for advice.

She may be young, but it's her life and if you show you respect that, your concern will be more welcome. Love means patience, being slow to judge or anger, but it also endures and never gives up. You can respect her right to live her life while also wanting her to change. Love is the key to identifying the difference and in showing it, so make your love genuine.

It won't be instantaneous without a tramatic event, but she will come around in time if you don't give up. :)

re: Thanks, aha. I've known her for a long time now, so I really do care for her, and (knowing she's probably going through puberty) i know she may feel this way now, but I don't want "future" her to have to deal with what she did when she were younger, if that makes any sense. I've never really done anything she has, but I have 'felt' like i wanted to hurt myself (don't worry, I never have, and kinda grew out of it) so maybe if I slowly kinda bring that up it might be able to help? And yes, she's very uncomfortable talking about that stuff, and I can understand why... I'm trying NOT to sound judgy and more caring, but we did recently get in a fight that would make it seem as though I was judging her.. So maybe I should wait until I get her trust back :) Then I'll start off slow, and try to let her know I just want her to be okay now //and// in the future. I guess all I have to do is be patient, and approach her (when the time comes) as kindly and caring as I can. She's never been one to talk, but eventually everything will be fine :) And your right... I have to stop thinking of it negatively, and more caring-like. Thank you so much for the help!! I'll try to be patient, caring, and respectful, and hopefully, in time, we'll be able to talk, and she'll end up being okay. :)

Thanks again!!

I understand you want the best for her now and later in life, when what she does now may become regrets, but we humans can be terrible at seeing the future. So many of us live only for the present. And, when you're 13, it feels like you'll never escape what can feel like a prison of school and lack of respect. It's part of why so many people try to find emotional escapes, even if it means some risky behavior.

Yes, I definitely agree that talking about what you felt may help, though keep in mind she may feel her issues are different. What can also help is if you have a problem in your own life and seek advice from her. It would help keep her empathy and problem solving skills active and, if used often enough, they stay active longer and so she may start to do something risky and second guess why she's doing it. It also makes her more open to accepting advice from you if you listen patiently and take her advice. Don't argue or dismiss it, even if it's not the best, just say you'll try

and report back to her the results.

Remember that how someone hears you and how you think you'll be heard aren't always the same, so she may have heard you as being judgemental even though that wasn't how you wanted to sound and may even have been trying hard not to sound. It helps to imagine someone older than you telling you what you say. Would you feel judged or defensive? Then you have your answer. Trying to put yourself in someone else's shoes and see yourself how others see you isn't always easy, but it's incredibly useful.

If you did have a fight, don't be afraid to show a lot of humility in your appology. Pride can sometimes make us hold back because we think we aren't the ones who have to appologize or that we only have to appologize in part, but let her forgive you and make sure she knows you forgive her. Neither of you are better than the other. Friends are equals and friends sacrifice their pride a lot.

You're very welcome! And, yes, definitely try that and things will work out. :)

Rogue Ranger hit the nail on the head there

Reach out to support groups if possible.she's 13 and should still be in school report to a trusted and reccomended counselor(if there is more than one) and have her treated and evaluated from there, because, let's face it happy 13 year olds don't just drink. And I'll also add that you are an amazing friend for trying to help her.

Angelbear1, Angelica1, here
on a different account.
I'm here to help
"Angel Hugs"