Like you said, it's good to stay positive and look on the bright side of things. Though, sometimes you just need to feel emotions. Don't try to push aside anything you may be feeling. It's important to recognize the emotions inside you and to fully experience them before moving on. If you are feeling something negative, it is sometimes best to just feel it and get it out of your system instead of denying it. However, there is definitely good in staying positive and finding happiness in every situation, so don't get me wrong. You might want to visit a counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist or call a help hotline which can be found online. You also might want to get a doctor to check out those white-outs. I hope everything gets better for you soon! I'll always be here for you, so if you ever need anything, just ask.