Will things ever get better?

My advisors have told me that I'll get used to it eventually, but I cannot see that day forthcoming. Every single night the creatures in my mind come howling at me like a hurricane, stripping away my sanity piece by piece. I'm terrified that one day I'll wake up and I simply won't be... me anymore. My dreams - nightmares to put it more accurately - will rip apart my mind and turn me into nothing more than a monster myself. I'm clinging frantically to my own identity, forcing myself to hang on to the numerous goals and ambitions I possessed before I became King... those dreams are far, far away now.

I'll go insane if l let go. The pressure of protecting my people is eating me from the inside. I cannot deny it even to myself a moment longer. I fear that the expectations laid upon me and my inability to fulfil them will destroy who I am sooner or later.

(continued...)

Every morning I awaken clutching at the torn flesh that will become a new scar. Blood streaming between my claws and dripping onto the bedsheets that are already stained with the dull crimson of life-liquid. My advisors hear my howling and run inside, kicking the door down and hurrying to my side, the oldest one - a dragon named Arctic who is older than me - bending low towards my face, low enough that the others can't hear what he whispers in my ear. It's a quick hiss, almost too quiet for my sleep-fogged mind to make sense of. He says, 'Remember who you are.'

And I have, every single day. I try to remember that I'm the King and the King should never display weakness when his people may see him and think less of him. I try to be stoic and strong, even though my throat is constricted with the effort of not crying. All I want is to run into my mother's arms and sob all the pain and terror out of my system.

I'm so unbelievably lonely. Both of my parents died when I was only a hatchling - likely killed in secret by the former King's assassins to ensure that they would not resist in giving me up. I have vague memories of my mother, a blue dragon, but nothing substantial. But right now, all I want is to be with her and hug her and be comforted. I long for the guidance of someone older than me. More than anything, I long to give up my hated throne, tear the symbolic collar off my neck and let somebody else assume my responsibilities.

But that would be wrong. I have never considered myself a particularly selfless person - though I care for my people, I also long to be free. But the nightmare curse is something I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. As much as it hurts me, as much as I feel like I'm going insane every time I suffer a new night terror, I have to 'tough it out'. I cannot bear the thought of forcing another unwilling dragon to take my place as King solely to alleviate my pain.

I have let go of everything that once made me life complete, and now I feel as if ragged holes have been torn in me. My lover, Bane, left me after I was crowned to avoid the risk of a scandal once the public discovered our relationship. Kings are not meant to have mates, I learned.

Perhaps if Bane stayed with me, I would have remained intact. She gave me the strength and courage to survive my horrible nightmares. Many times, when I awoke late at night convinced something was lurking in my quarters, waiting to kill me, I would run through the empty corridors of the Stone City until I found her. We would sit together in the eerie darkness and fill the silence by talking. We talked for hours, sometimes. About everything and anything that came to mind. She made me feel secure after my nightmares jarred me. She made me alive again, when in my worst moments I thought I'd become a living corpse, lack of sleep and my poor health dissolving my mind and body.

(continued)

Now I don't have Bane. Without her, life has become a hundred times more difficult. She gave me life; she gave me a reason to love and hate and cry and laugh, Without her, I have forced myself to abandon emotion. To detach my soul from the world so to cause it less pain. I am dead inside and only my loyalty to the Tribe gives me the fragile strength to live through sleepless night after sleepless night. Maybe someday, I can finally pass on my crown to another fated young dragon, and then I will be free to spend my remaining years in peace. But will that day ever come?

Will the terrors ever end?

--Finished--

*has a moment of silent wonder*
THIS WAS AMAZINGGG!!!!! Ahhh, I love your writing so much; it always sounds so incredible and well-worded! I've been inspired to pursue writing more! *u*
Awesome job Radiant!

*silent for a second.... Starts clapping* BRAVO! That was awesome! I can see that you've used certain words to create a tone to make the reader understand the characters longing just to have peace in their life! That was marvelous, & thanks you, I have the inspiration I need to continue a boom I'm writing! ^w^ This is awesome!

Bravo! Bravo! *clapping* That was a great story! ^-^ Poor, poor Draorty though ;-; You're an excellent writer, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

re: the legs are short because i made the body too close to the bottom of the screen. 'o'