i have concluded that i am neither asexual nor demisexual like i also thought. instead, i am clodsexual. i experience sexual attraction until i think of myself actively having sexual relations.

which is fine! it just means that i grossly misunderstood the meaning of asexual like the disgusting inadverdent aphobe that i am. which is not fine.

time to kill myself or at the very least block all online communication and hide in a dark, cramped hole for the rest of my hopefully short life :'DDD