you'll probably never see this but i am really really really really sorry. it's been over a year and i've reflected on how horrible i am and i just want you to know that i have grown and would never act like that again to anyone. i don't remember my message from february but it was probably terrible and i apologise for that too, i was having a breakdown and needed to get my feelings out somehow. i'm not asking you to be our friend again obviously but i do hope you're ok and make new and better friends. i really miss you and wish you the best. bye :)

sidenote: i find it funny that you left this account on my birthday and left your other account exactly a year after. just a thought that was bugging me

((iknowisaidbyebuticant))
i really miss you. everyone seems to have seen you except me and i just want to see you or at least hear your voice. what are you into now? do you like the same stuff? do you hate me? will you ever forgive me? it's driving me insane. i actually kina hope you never read these messages and i don't know how to explain why. hattie is completely over you somehow and even said she saw you yesterday. i would've been there too (it was her birthday party) but my mental health was on the decline but who cares about that lmao. caitlin has autism you know (idk if you do honestly) and maybe yours truely. yep. kina ironic i guess but yeah i went to get tested or whatever you call it on friday but have to go again in january because i'm "complex" haha. you're lucky you got out of school too, the boys suck as,s

i feel a lot like how i imagine you did when you left. hattie was bad to you and now that you're gone she's targeting me i guess. i want to get away from her but i don't know how. i feel trapped. i guess that's why i'm doing this, because i feel like you'd understand but maybe i'm just being stupid haha. i just really want to escape from everything and just start over and i just feel so much guilt anytime you're even briefly mentioned and it kills me that i was so stupid. i. am. so. sorry.

update time!1!11!1!!
so i go to theapy now ayy lmao and i've only had one session so far but uh the lady said i have hfa (high functioning autism) so woohoo. i've been self harming again lol but because of christmas i stopped but i'll probably start again when i go back to school because it is a fu,cking h e l l h o l e. my mum saw you in a shop a couple of months ago and i hear you're rocking a new look. neat. don't growl at my mum though please. this is a weird type of therapy for me?? idk but i feel better getting my emotionsTM out so uh yeah haha. bye

your birthday is in less than two days. i remember that. help.

caitlin noe self harms and was close to killing herself haha. i haven't been to school for a few weeks because depressionTM. i really wish i could just quit school like you did. hattie doesn't talk to me?? probably finally got sick of me like you did and caitlin is beginning to (i told her mum about her wanting to kill herself). i'm writinb this while cutting myself lmaoooo i have issues. i have to go to the hospital to get medication because i'm a depressed and anxious b,itch. anyway happy early birthday and byee <33

f,uck i meant now not noe dhchkkvfdhj k i l l m e

whatever. it doesn't matter. no one is reading this except me... hopefully

caitlin ignored me all weekend and apparently her nan wants her to stop talking to me so hahahahahahaghfa i have no one left. i'm cutting on my fat ugly thighs now and surprisingly between my b,oobs is an easy way to draw blood. caitlin says i told school about her being suicidal and stuff but i didn't and i'm really confused. maybe my mum did? if she did i'll kill her. anyway it's your birthday in a few hours so let me go and have a breakdown because guilt is my best friend

i want to die.

i got diagnosed with autism two days go so uh yeah. caitlin blocked me on ins,tagram and i don't know why. i'm scared. it's like you all over again (not to be rude but y'know). i really hate myself.

its been a while oh wow. I'm not going to explain anything because you don't care. I'm sorry. I'm going to try to kill myself soon. bye I guess haha

im sorry haha. ignore all of this. I just needed to rant and using this it was the closest thing to someone listening

i haven't been to school since my last rant btw. Caitlin left me sometime in march. ive attempted suicide so many times but no one knows. i have barely left my room. my mum says shes been talking to your mum and you don't hate me? crazy. i hope i see you for Halloween. if i don't ill kill myself as planned. either is fine. im so lonely