Oh and i just noticed I've missed Schindlers list in the tv yesterday. Great. I hate my life and my life hates me. Sounds fair.

Gosh I am so sorry. I guess maybe I'm not so great at giving advice on this topic, but I'll try because I love you and want to help. Maybe you should try not to think about it for a while, give yourself a break and just enjoy being yourself without trying to label yourself. It might be a decision you have to make eventually, but you should take your time. Take as much as you need. And as for insulting words like autistic, just do your best to ignore it and know you are amazing for many reasons. I hope you feel better soon.