Cool!

Of course I do! I'm so sorry! It's difficult for me to really chat on here, though. I get really impatient and antsy. I'm really glad to hear from you <3 And I do think of you often. I got a new tablet to chat on, but my hubby put the bag it was in on the floor and later stepped on it, so now I gotta get a new one again... I'm babysitting my sister's 2-month-old a lot lately and life in general has just been really stressful, so I sorta delve myself into art and Xenoblade to drown everything else out... I'm not trying to forget about you or anything like that. In fact, when my mind gets the chance I even get mad at myself for not reaching out to you. Ugh, I feel like a horrible person... But you've definitely been in my prayers. I just have been spending too much of my time trying super hard not to think

about anything at all.

Has your situation changed any at all? Have you been able to reach out to anyone near you? Was the hospital helpful at all? I wonder so many things because I really do care! I'm so sorry for being so distant...

<3 <3 I'm sorry you're boing through so much, too! I should be getting a phone soon, so I'll get snapchat again and add you, okay? Hang tough, darling! I know you can do it! You're not alone, okay? <3

*going

You are worth it! You are! Right now, more than anything, you are your own worst enemy! I know that situation so well! I really admire you for having pulled through this far. Strength isn't when people get by without caring about problems or worries. It's really more like when someone scrapes by on the tiniest bit of power they have left and keep going. I know it's exhausting and nothing seems worth it. I know that oh so well! But with each passing day, you are becoming stronger! There is a strong "you" in your heart that will surface completely at some point, and it's totally worth holding out until then! And on the other side of those tears, there will be something better. And I also want to let you know that with each day you hold on, as much of a struggle as it may be, you give strength to people like me who also struggle. To see you making it makes me want to hold on also. I want to be there for you. I want us to meet on the other side of the tears and smile and say, "We made it!"

Sweetie, there's not a person in the world who deserves to deal with the feelings you're facing, and you most certainly don't deserve it <3 There are more good people out there than you know. If you're one to believd it, this whole world is "lying in the power of the wicked one" and not a single human being ever in existence can face that alone. We are kept so busy or preocupied or whatever else that it's really difficult for god people to get connected. And depression is a legitimate disease. Regardless of the reasons or triggers behind it, depression cannot really be dealt with alone, at least not very successfully. That is something you really need a doctor's help with. They don't need to know the reason you're depressed, but they cand and will help you manage your depression.

Recently, I called the National Suicide help line thing. I had no idea what to say, but I kept thinking, "i want to die," and "i'm tired of being alive," over and over. So I typed that in google and that hotline was the first thing that popped up. I didn't know what I would even say, I just called. I said that I was tired of being alive because everything is too hard. They actually helped me come to terms with my feelings and even surprised me by saying that my level of depression constitutes being approved for disability benefits. If you have any financial problems, that's an option and they will walk you through it and get you taken care of because they fully understand that when you're that depressed, you aren't going to and don't even take care of yourself. So please, please don't give up!

Sweetie, I'm in a lot of physical pain right now, and as much as I want to stay up and make sure you're alright, I'm going to have to take some medicine that will put me to sleep so I'm not awake in miserable pain all night. <3 I will check back as soon as I wake up in the morning, okay? Well as soon as I wake up after the medicine wears off, anyway. <3 Please try to get some rest. I know it sounds awful, but if you really can't sleep, cry as hard as you can until you cry yourself to sleep. Being asleep is much, much better than staying awake and dealing with those painful thoughts <3

<3 Hey sweetheart, I probably won't be on for very long today because I have a lot of stuff to do, but I will check back as frequently as I can, okay?

Oh my gosh! I thought I posted another comment! I'm hoping you read it and deleted it or something! Colors has not been loadiing very well for me today! You haven't bothered me at all. I can't remember exactly all that I said, but I know I mentioned that you can reach out to me on here at anytime and I will respond as soon as I see it! I don't want anything bad to happen to you and I don't want you to hurt. I so much wish that I could make it all better, but I can only offer you words and advice. I feel like I need to tell you now that ultimately you will need to seek professional help, be it a doctor a therapist a pharmacist or even just the national suicide prevention help line, in order to combat your severe and long-term depression successfully. Give me a minute and I will try to remember what all I was trying to say earlier and thought I posted...

I was asking if you were afraid that your loved ones would not respond well to knowing about your depression... I know what it's like to hide your feelings from everyone. I know it gets exhausting and I know that just knowing you have to pretend to be happy sometimes just makes it hurt even more. It is a real struggle. I remember saying that much. Geez, I wish I had a more reliable way to contact you... Do you have Animal Crossing or any games you can chat in besides colors? Colors can be a real pain when it's not loading properly and I really don't want you to think I'm ignoring you...

Okay, I have a few more comments to make and then I.m going to put in Animal Crossing and open my gate. Once you're in my town, I will close the gate again so we are not disturbed, okay? <3

Oh sweetheart *hugs* I'm almost ready for ACNL, just a few more minutes, okay?

Hey, our ACNL connection was pretty bad and I have to go to work soon... But I haven't given up! I get off at 9 and if you're able, I would like to try again, okay? <3

No problem sweetheart. Don't wrry about a thing regarding me. Try to get some rest and please get your cut looked at :(