yup

definetly gon draw something now

re

ur welcome x3

re: IT'S TOTALLY FINE!! I ACCIDENTALLY UNFOLLOWED A FRIEND OF MINE ONCE TOO X'/// AHA IT'S SUPER OKAY!!

wellll the reason I think I made the wrong choice is bc of the rest of the dream..

basically, the person I was casually talking to was a police officer. He asked me my name, I told him, and he said something along the lines of, "Oh. You look a bit like a girl," but it didn't even faze me at all. (which... doesnt really make much since because I would've been a few inches over 6', but whatever.) We kept talking and more-or-less befriended each other.
I looked out the glass front hospital door and saw a whole load of police. Now, in waking hours I may have panicked a little, but would have known to stay put or walk out calmly. They were looking for a "runaway teenager", and the officer I had chatted up was with them, but didn't suspect it was me at all.
Anyway, I freaked out and sprinted out the door and just ran. I thought, I can't outrun them, I'm not that fit and they're /police/v

^^ so I looked behind me and saw police running, but they weren't as fast as me. But I still freaked out and knew running would make it worse, so I held up my hands and slowed down. The officer I'd befriended was one of the people running after me, and I turned myself in to him.
Then, he took me back to my parents. They were calling me my birthname and "she", but the officer didn't say anything about it.
Later, I saw a big group of kids (ages like 7-10) who were runaways. and I considered going with them, but.. the spark was gone. I just couldn't do it, I knew it'd be pointless. My time had passed.

Anyway. I think running away and being free was a metaphor for boarding school, police were a metaphor for sticking to same old same old and societal expectation (and homesickness/general fear/fear of change), and being back with my parents was staying here at my house and public school. And the gender thing was quite literal. At boarding school, I would've been entered as Harris, vvvvv

^^ I talked to teachers about it and it was worked out and everything. Staying here means being misgendered, unless I transition at public high school, which... no offense but are you kidding me. like.
well I know one other ftm trans guy who came out over the summer and is staying at my school, so I'll pay attention to how people treat him.

anyway but I think my dream was telling me I had this opportunity to be happier, confident, and not to mention male full-time, but out of fear I turned it down, and that was wrong? Because when I was back with my parents, I felt terrible.
It was a hard decision, most certainly, but I figured since my public school has a reputation and the boarding school doesn't, like.. I could get into college and... ugh. It really isn't like me to do (or not do) something out of fear or wanting to be more "normal", either. So I think my subconscious is disappointed I'm... conforming with this decision?? jesus I kind of feel really horrible,,
sorry for the length

re: #SegiWitchAcademy is this thing made by Caramelloko (spelling?) where you make a with oc or sona and enter the academy, then there are like fun things planned for a little later. It got huGELY POPULAR though.

I would say to see the first post in the tag for more info, but... there's too much in the tag and you can't see it all anymore :'/

re: nooo that's really great advice thank you so much!! that really helps a lot :)

Thanks a bunch to everyone for the gold star!! It means a heck-ton!!! >,w<