oh my dear whats wrong? :O

oh my-

Savi i'm here !
i-i'm listening please just
tell me anything < : O
i'm so worried !!

re:
ahhh auntie i'm really scared < : ( don't do anything to harm yourself...okay? pleeease...? whatever you do, just try to hold yourself back from doing anything that'll hurt you physically
//rubs your back
please feel better soon...
i'm here for you if you need someone to talk to alright ?

When people try to help it gets worse.
But when Carolyn ( my teacher ) saw through that fake face of mine... And kept me behind after school in form... I know that she could see through it and she helped me so fuckin much.
She's THE only person that's ever actually noticed that I wasn't ok. And that I wasn't happy
Like she dismissed all of us then said "Oh Savannah come here a minute can you show me what to do with this" then held up her phone at me, (I phone, she lied that she had just got it but that was an excuse to keep me behind and not let everyone in my form know that I wasn't ok.
Then after everyone had left I asked her "what did you want to know?" And she sighed and turned back to me and said "Are you okay?" And at that fucking moment I knew that she knew.
Even though. I nodded and said "I'm fine, why?" And she got up and sat on the table with me (I was sitting on the table with my legs crossed, she did the same)Then she said "I know you're not okay. Ok? You're actually really upset about something aren't you?" And literally just broke down into tears.
I told her everything that had happened (with my last two remaining grandparents dying within a year and all of the shit that had happened, like, depression for the first time and me cutting) she asked to see my arms and thighs (that's not weird btw, cutting thighs instead of arms is a better way of hiding it.) so I showed her and she literally sat there and hugged me for like 5 minutes while I cried. She actually cried too out of sympathy. Like, then I told her about trying to overdose and that I ended up in hospital all three times. She was so shocked and gave me a massive lecture about not trying to commit suicide and I understood every word, like since that day, she kept me behind as we just talked and talked for almost an hour everyday after school, (I was on detentions anyway)
Then the day she told me she was leaving (the first time) I cried so much that day.
Then she came back this year to visit and ended up being a supply teacher for my school for a while. So I saw her a bit more often, she even substituted a few of my lessons
Then she told me two months ago that she had gotten another Job in Wigan, and that she was leaving for good at the end of the school year... I could see her eyes welling up with tears and I was already crying. That day I stayed behind again and we sat outside and talked again. I told her that she was the one that had helped me with my anxiety, panic attacks, depression and Anger issues. Then she started cryin and seeing her cry made me cry too (we cried a lot together it was kinda cute but really sad too)
Then she was so shocked at how much she had helped me then she was apologising so much about getting a job in Wigan and said that she wished she could take me with her and honestly I would happily go there with her. My school is going SO SHIT this year. Everything is changing
So we cried again yesterday as we all said goodbye to her, and since she was my Dance teacher, and the person who had changed my life by introducing dance into it, me and my friends made up a dance Collab with a mashup of songs that we had been taught dances by her and we danced to it, it was like a 6min dance, that's why I've been a bit busy lately because we was learning it secretly. Yesterday when we performed it for her, she cried and she recorded us dancing so she could remember it and stuff for memories since it was the 'nicest thing any of her students have ever done for her'

re:
//hug
scribble on a piece of paper or something...it might help < : )

Wish I could help... but I don't know how to help.

It was a really cool idea.. but if you need someone to talk to I'm here. >.> even though you have no idea who I am.. o.o i don't know who you are either... ewe/ but anyway, i'm here for you ^u^

Im sorry savi,, i need you to message m on gmail, if you have it or not.. my gmail is devbutt4@gmail.com 9of course..) please make one, i have no way of communicating with you on my phone anymore..

Hey Savi. Whats goin on? Its been a while since we talked... Im concerned for u and if u need somebody to talk to Im all ears.

Wow. That was really nice of u to show how much u appreciated ur dance teacher. She is proud of u. Heck! I sure would be. Sounds like you've come a long way. Guess thats way God puts good teachers on this earth. So that we ccan teach. Trials make us better learners when we have people to walk us through them. Thank God for that. :-] Now u can carry that legecy your teacher left u with and use it to help others. Ur gonna do great thing Savi. God's not done writing your store. I hope u believe that. I know i have troble believing it sometimes. Especially when it seems like every thing is going wrong. But thats jus because we cant see the big picture being painted on our life canvas (i know that sounds cheesy but jus think about it) Sorry if im rambling but i dont like it whe the ones i care about get sad and have no one to talk to. :-) I say this with all honesty. U are worth so much more than u think. And dont let anyone tell you that u r anything less. :-) Sorry for the long message.

And jus look at the people here on color who care about u.

Southpaw: We iz yo friendz! *smiles in a goofy way to cheer u up*

I'm going to be honest. I am concerned. Not only have i heard alot, but I've seen alot. Ever since i fought with you I've kept myself away, but I'm getting tired. I may not know what hurt you, but things will get better. People will forgive you if you prove to be forgiven. If people have hurt you, then you need to establish what can be done to fix it. I once looked up to you as an enormous inspiration... Then you took a turn that crushed me. You turned into what i feared the worst of. Not only have I found out the hurtful things you've told my friend, but i feel like you took advantage of some of them. You and I both know that's wrong. I've heard people say awful things, and i just want it to stop. So I spoke up about this so it could be solved. Block me and scream at me all you want, but it won't make anything better.

@-X-_M1KU_-X- it took me 5 minutes to figure it out :sob:

it took me 4 sceconds, anyways if you to vent im always here <3