deathless death by squat
i keep doing this to myself
i know everytime the result is the same, i know everytime i'll hate myself for it, i know everytime i'll end up like this
but i keep on doing it
despite what was once a crystal clear plan of the future becoming more of a misty haze, a dark dank fear; hatred.
i keep feeling the restriction of my throat, inability to eat and constant ache of hatred, fear and the worst of all: disappointment
because everytime i promise i'll change.
but i never do.
"Why?"
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Comments
28 Apr, 2015, 10:03 pm
im almost glad ive as much spine as soggy cabbage. because im scared of what id do.
i feel it everytime the light turns green. that urge. that dark...almost wish.
and over what?
something i'll forget about in a few months. something that wont matter later. but i'll still tear myself apart on the inside. i'll still hide, isolate, run away from everyone and the issue. never the solution. not ever. just regret. how could i be so stupid? i got into this mess because i wouldn't- no, won't grow up. i just want silence. everything is too loud. i just want to grow up but i can't-no, won't. too stubborn but to scared to do anything to help. wont help others, wont speak to others because id rather wallow in self pity. stop talking. i want silence. the noise hurts my ears. stop talking. i want to be alone. stop talking stop talking. silence. please. stop talking.
28 Apr, 2015, 10:11 pm
i want to sleep but im not tired. i can hear you talking. please stop. i want silence. stop talking.
28 Apr, 2015, 10:12 pm
i wish i could say i tried to change.