"How could I say that I love him?"

Just reread that one part of the VN... Still cried.

I think the reason that Meakashi is one of the most gruesome is because it's like a circle-of-pain type thing:
Grief for Satoshi's disappearance -> Anger for the great families -> Guilt for being angry -> Self-loathing because of guilt -> Grief -> Anger -> Guilt -> Self-loathing -> Grief -> Anger -> Guilt -> Self-loathing

It all sort of spirals downwards and leads to death, doesn't it?