(vent continued) Him watching the second one change, getting ready for her first day of 5th grade. more fights, more screaming. abandoning us with him then coming back later because you didn't have enough change for the bus. us staying up all night, holding your head up as you threw up from alchohol poisoning. more fights, runing from the cops more. hungry nights where you weren't home while we hid in our rooms. the hospital called our aunt, telling us that you were in the hospital and that HE put you in there. we told you to leave, but you said you loved him.
you said that all of the 12 times we moved out and back in. forcing us to move with him. away from our family. you telling us that we were going to go live with dad and that when the sun touched our face, you were kissing us. you wanted to die. the move was another lie.

(vent still) lie after lie, you made us stay with hhim in a new state. no family there. those moments where we got to see dad were strange. he was so nice. fed us well. cared about us. his 'i love you' was real.
then we came back. more fights, more cursing. I'd had enough. called dad and moved. life was much better but my sister wanted to stay there. to protect you on the word of our grandmother telling her to. you tormented her and i didn't know.
then he said that he wished he'd married her instead of her mom. she was fifteen at the time. She told me when she was crying on the floor. " you need to tell mom." i said. she looked at me. "i did, she didn't believe me." the rage that came from that. she was hurting herself because of you.
And it was my fault because i wasn't there. i convinced her to leave. HE was sad for his own selfish reasons. then i saw him look at me in the way he would look at mom. i was Fourteen. my dad cared for us.

(vent) my dad actualy loved us. but soon after moving and seeing what life was suppost to be like, i found problems with myself. scared of everything. scared of people. thinking everyone was looking at me, out to get me. i was extremely awkward. you did something to my hair, i cant really remember what but i hate when people touch my hair. i cried when my sister cut it. my thoughts are deranged. i make ip lies in my head and believe then.
i dont even remember making the lie. I cant trust my own head because of you. i freak out on the inside when i ride the bus because of you. i have nightmares because of you. anxiety attacks, fear, terror, trauma, pain, rage, anger, sadnes and betrayal.
because of YOU.
I cant even go to the Da mn store without freaking out.
It's funny how all this happened.
in court when you and dad were fighting for custody of us. dad said everything that you were doing wrong.
the court said that, children should be with there mother.
what a big mistake on there part

(vent) now that i'm 17. i'm still screwed up. nightmears about him are staring to come back and i dont know why. you say you are sorry about what you put us through. ut you still dont get it. i have to struggle through life, suffer because of EVERY memory you gave us.
sorry is not going to cut it.
I'm probably going to get a eighteen on my ACT because of you. what college wants an eighteen?
you have literally rewened my life. SORRY WON'T CUT IT! I MIGHT NOT EVEN BECOME A PILOT BECAUSE OF YOU!
Thanks mom, I "LOVE" you too.

Sorry, i just needed to get that off my chest. i'm not really sad, or mad. i'm just this weired kind of calm. it's a snow day so i cant really be upset. <:)

omg im soooo sorry :(

ive had a... not good like too