@moonsickness can i talk w u about something i genuinely need help

@AngelDust of course you can

help how did you even find this post this acc looks so old

@moonsickness i just searched a random letter and scrolled for a random post

anyways i genuinely need help w something
all of my recent vents are in relation to my ex boyfriend and i feel bad because im technically with someone right now but i got with them because they genuinely seemed to like me but im still not over my ex and i dont know what to do
dan is a good friend and id love to stay that way with him but im not into him
online dating isnt my think esp because my love language is physical touch and i feel like actually knowing eachother is important for stability

i feel really bad because i genuinely liked dan a lot but only as a friend, i never saw him as anything more than that
im also just not ready for a relationship because im genuinely trying to move on from keith and the only exception for a relationship would be him
i dont know what to do about this because if i tell dan it may end in him not wanting to be my friend anymore or causing drama which i really dont want
i genuinely dont think dan understood how much i loved keith because it doesnt -

- take much to understand that im obviously still not over him, esp because probably only a few days prior i was venting about keith
i want to tell dan because i feel guilty but i also dont want people to dislike me because i seriously cannot recover from the unhealthy reliant and codependant attachment i had with keith. i know its not my fault im not over him as i genuinely wanted everything with him but i do know this is practically cheating and ik its bad.
im not a bad person but i shouldnt

have gotten into this relationship knowing im nowhere near over my ex

and idk if i maybe should tell dan about it and maybe tell him about how much i needed keith and aybe hed understand or if i should lie about it for both of our sake or if i shouldnt say anything at all and wait for him to leave me
i dont wnt to lead hkm on because if the possibility comes where he gets attached to me i dont want him to feel how keith made me feel when he ldft me

@AngelDust i personally really dont think you should even consider getting into a relationship with keith again and i know its rough because it seems like a dream come true to be with him at first but hes so toxic and being with him again might damage your mental health alot

he clearly doesnt seem like a great person considering what youve been talking about and you have to just look at the reality sometimes and its tough right now but im sure youll realize one day

i think telling dan wouldnt necessarily cause drama but im not sure about what would happen to be perfectly honest

i know how it feels though it sucks so much to have to grieve over keith like that it does hurt but it starts hurting less and i bet you that one day youll accept your feelings without even noticing and youll feel so much better

i understand it too much and i honestly still love you after so many months of grieving so similarly to the way you are over keith right now and i was hurting alot over you and i still am but i dont want you to ever think of that as your fault im using it as a example because ive gotten so much better and i know its too much information but im still in love with you however its stopped hurting so much and im grateful and i think you should use that as a reminder that you can always get better no matter how much it feels like the end it just takes months and months but it all leads to healing

i didnt need to say that much but i hope it helps a bit

im not very good at giving advice

its fine though i tried

@moonsickness idk if i should just tell dan but to be really honest i dont know how i ever will stop loving keith, i mean its been 2 months and not a day has passed where i actually felt better remotely
everything is still so stressful and everything still hurts so bad and it doesnt really feel like itlll ever get better
and with that on my shoulders along with the guilt i feel for dan and its all just overweighing on me along with just sm other things rn and im so unavailable emotionally

so idk what to do now

@AngelDust if you dont like dan i think you should tell him and you can say its because of keith when you tell him because it might help

also two months isnt that long from experience i dont want to sound rude or unemotional when i say that but it might take a few months and youll feel yourself get better slowly

keith sounded like a really bad person anyway so i wouldnt worry about getting over him much

btw liking keith while youre in a relationship with dan isnt considered cheating at all even if you feel like it is i think keith is trying to gaslight you into liking him

i think if you tell dan or not should depend on if you like him or not and keith shouldnt really play a role in that as long as you dont end up in a relationship with keith

if you dont like dan he should know but it might take a lot of courage to tell him

@moonsickness Im probably gna give it a week or two and then il tell dan. cz i do like him js only asa friend

@AngelDust btw sorry for taking forever to respond it feels kind of empty on colors rn ive been thinking about it but always ended up just not going on colors

ive been slightly busy though my moms making me go to therapy soon and im just going to hope i dont end up on some weird antidepressant

thats off topic though

how r you

@moonsickness thats good, im glad ur gna start going to therapy

@moonsickness im doing alright,,, i broe up w dan

@AngelDust i should consider going to therapy soon a good thing but im kind of scared bc im horrible at properly expressing my emotions sometimes and it feels too personal but i always complain to myself about how lonely i am without actually doing anything abt it and make unhealthy coping mechanisms so maybe my mom is right about putting me into therapy

getting diagnosed is going to be interesting

anyway i saw what dan said on your latest post and honestly that was so immature of him like ?????????

HELP I RECHECKED ND HE CALLED YOU A PLAYER top ten best insults

@moonsickness yah ik i saw what he said n im genuinely so pıssed
he has no idea how badly keith hurt me and so him sayng shıt like 'no wonder he dumped you' is so aggravating because HE HAS NO IDEA HOW ME N KEITHS RELATIONSHIP WAS....??? keith and i were so genuinely in love and so getting broken up with by him was the most hurtful thung to me. after keith left me, within one month and a half i had attempted twice. dan is taking it too far especially because dan DIDNT LOVE ME

he has NO idea how i felt with and without keith. and you would know, you knew how much i genuinely loved keith. i gave him everything i had, and ended up getting way too attached to him. and once he was gone, i lost it all. i had nothing. i still have nothing. im still unhappy.
so dan trying to little down MY situation just because hes upset is wrong and genuinely upsets me.

@AngelDust SORRY I DISAPPEARED how are you doing now did it get better and what happened that made you have to rebrand your account ive been missing out on so many things

@moonsickness srry i was grounded again,,,

so basically the persn my ex cheated on me with showed him my colors account and all my vents about him and caused a ton of drama so i had to rebrand it

@AngelDust reading that made me so angry i legit felt my muscles tense up for a second </3 im genuinely so sorry both of them sound so rude

no clue why you keep ending up with completely disrespectful people but it needs to stop (half joking)

are you doing any better now though i hope i can help because they sound really ignorant of other peoples feelings

i know its weird to respond to someone after they already responded to them the other night before and im sure youre already aware of it but i want you to know that i love you so much

its 2 am but its pretty and raining outside right now and its keeping me awake because of the wind so i thought of telling you that i love you because i dont have many better things to do in the middle of the night when im sleepy but cant sleep so i hope you see that and feel a bit better than you felt at first

i like talking to you even if you most likely wont respond anytime soon i really hope youve been doing better lately and even a little bit more better is always an improvement even if life feels like you forget the happy moments and that the negative emotions are your entire existence but i think trying not to think about it as much helps a little its weird that some people dont ever feel that their whole life is small ups and huge downs

thats how ive been feeling a lot recently but i found a okay in between but it makes me uncomfortable sometimes usually i just cant control how my emotions are

its okay though because life is all about romanticizing everything and loving people to cope in this world of ups and downs and the soulless people who act disrespectful to the loving people who care for them can just go away because there are so many more important things and a society full a love for others

just a thought lol

ill try to go to bed now the best i can despite the wind being really loud

im not even sure how i feel about my own thoughts i just had and thats really really strange

@moonsickness i didnt see this until now
thank u so much ur actually so fųcking awesome
although its been,,,, months ago when i was supposed to see those messages, i really appreciate it and it means so much to me. i hope you can get back to me sometime since i know u said colors isnt working.

if u do see this, my tiktok account is @freakforhan
if u do find it and follow me message me on therr and tell me its u