(continued from description) "But it is the worst feeling at church when we are on the subject of how horrible being gay and all that is sitting there knowing I am disobeying god it just makes me want to die sometimes (im a christian) I need advice"

Well to put this little tidbit at ease first, christian, what's right and wrong. Bottom line is this, doesn't it also say god cannot hate, is he honestly a hateful being to simply cast you out because you love a certain way? Wasn't there someone who died, who took pity on those, everyone out there so that you can live without the fear of a single mistake. The thing is I went through god issues myself, in fact my parents fully know I'm gay, and i'm also told he isn't a being of hate, you shouldn't feel ashamed, just as everyone else is accepted with open arms and love, despite what those with wicked tounges to say he is of hate, then don't believe them. Besides if he is a being that judges and has a very narrow selection of who's in and out then they aren't really worth following if hate is what he/she advocates.

But that's my religious standpoint, many people will have their own standpoints, however I was taught that he's a being of good, and no one is perfect.

And my reasons for being gay are pretty simple, I was "touched" for a full year in second grade by an older student after abuse through bullying got to me too much I couldn't tell anyone, secondly I had an abusive boyfriend who'd just a.buse me to no end, so may those who judge, go ahead and judge, I still won't let a man touch me, I scream and have panic attacks even if it's a tap on the shoulder it's that bad, :/ you can't fix me. And i've grown to be ok the way i am i used to just be bi for the reason i will love whomever i come to love, no matter who it is, my love is my love.

So now onto the other thing, ppl aren't accepting of sth so different, they react and reject it for who knows why, the only advice I can give is to find friends who can accept you for you and to not associate with friends who deem you disgusting, :/ I was fortunate to of found an anti-bully group in high school, consisting of people who were just people and had 0 tolerance for it, the group spread to (cont.

eventually normal people, just eventually everyone there or at least a large body of people are now against it. And it starts out small, if anything i just hope those things spread to other places, :/ being different isn't easy because of how people choose to deal with differences, but you'll find those who accept it. Cherish them and don't give up, they're out there, and that goes for anyone who feels different.

There are people out there, even at your school, who understand at least part of what you're going through. Human se.xuality is a spectrum, just like gender. But, like gender, we pretend variations don't exist. Take birth se.x for example (this is separate from gender, despite popular misconceptions). More children are born having both or neither male and female parts than are born with downsyndrome and parkinsons combined, but our society is so obsessed with this perfect idea that there are only males and females and they never mix in either parts, mind or attractions. Obviously, all variations exist and we should not deny them just because they are inconvienient. You're attracted to both genders. That's it. There's not some extra componant to it any more than anyone attracted to only their opposite gender requires some extra work. It's how your brain and hormones are wired. If God wanted you to have been born with exclusively straight attractions, He would have made you that way.

That being said, it's possible your attractions may change. Estrogen allows more cross hemisphere con.nection between the two lobes of the brain, whereas testosterone severs those con.nections, separating out a certain attraction preset, so depending on your hormones, your attractions could shift so one is stronger than the other. Remember, though, that there is a great deal that can be learned through challenges. Having these attractions has tested your faith in a way that most people's faith will never be tested and that can make your faith stronger. You also have a unique perspective in seeing attractions, whereas most straight people never stop and think about them (which is why they say things like "just don't be gay", because they don't understand what straight even means by only seeing it from inside), so you have the opportunity to really look into what the truth is.

Now that you've seen that many people don't understand what you're going through because they can't relate and so they say and do things out of ignorance, you should be able to see that your church is not teaching you true Christianity, but a type of false Christianity that is popular here in the US. They are teaching you opinions based on things they've heard repeated. Some churches even use Bibles where the word "hom.ose.xuals" has been added in and others take verses about gang ra.pe of non humans and say it's anti hom.ose.xual while ignoring gang ra.pe verses involving women. These are the hypocrites that Jesus kept criticizing. No where in the Bible (even in the modified versions) does it say that your attractions are wrong or a sin. People may not like to hear this because it contradicts the bigotry they've been tought, but it's the truth. And, even if it did, salvation covers all sins. No one is better than another or less or more of a sinner according to scripture, so don't

Thank you all for the advice! It means so much to me that you all care. For the ones that say just give up being gay that hurt me. I wish I could but its not that easy. If your going to say something rude dont say anything at all. Thanks to the people that actually helped me.

obsess over the hypocrites who tell you otherwise. If you hate yourself and want to die, THAT is a bad thing, not finding someone attractive. Accept yourself the way Christ would accept you. God is love and when Christ dwells within you, you feel so much love that you just want to share it with everyone. You'll even love those who have been cruel to you. Forgive them, because they really don't know what they do. They've been raised on lies they honestly think are true. They may in fact be conflicted and want to be nice but feel afraid or even disgusted because of their upbringing. Once you cast off your self hatred, you will have a light about you that will make it easier to find new, TRUE friends. Btw, do your parents know?

In response to your comment about people telling you to just "stop being bise.xual", based on their words and other comments, I don't think they're trying to be hurtful at all but are honestly trying to help. If they either have no attractions or only "normal" attractions, then they might have never thought about what gay or straight really mean. They may think that being bise.xual is like going to the mall. If you're told malls are evil, don't go. Simple, right? Since society avoids teaching about human se.xuality as it is and instead covers it in taboos and outright abuse, many people are misguided. Imagine you have dark skin and you meet someone with light skin who has been taught that people choose to have dark skin and everyone was made pale like them, that they are good and others bad, so they tell you to be light skinned like them to fit in with all the other light skinned people. It's not said out of meanness. They were taught you chose to have dark skin.

Im am so very sorry to those that i said hurt me its just I didnt understand I thought you were trying to be mean. Also no my parent does not and never (i only have one that is there for me and that i know) will I cuz im scared she would kick me out.

Well, if you don't feel safe, then I guess it's best to keep it from your parent. I've heard many stories of people kicked out, so I know it can happen. Though, for any parent who finds out their child is gay/bi and thinks it's against their religion, I'd highly recommend they see the very moving speach by the parents who made the website "Just Because He Breathes". Also, on Colors, there's a new group that I discovered recently called @TheClosetClub that may help with more advice. I'd recommend looking them up just to see. :3