(continued from description) "I wish I had more self esteme... because i hate myself so much... I was thinking of commiting su.icide, but im going to doctors for that... please help everything is over whelming..."

I know the feeling. Sometimes everything in life can feel overwhelming because it's just one thing on top of another. But the key to making it less overwhelming is tackling things one at a time.

So, first, I know what it's like to have a crush on your straight best friend, but you're going to have to accept that your friendship is enough. She can still care about you and you about her. In time, you will find someone who can love you and is not dating someone else. To protect your heart, though, always start by building a strong friendship. Society tends to pressure people into relationships that don't last, so build one from scratch.

Next, I think not having many friends is tied into your self esteme. Not only does a lack of friends bring you down, but if you feel bad about yourself, you are projecting out these negative feelings and others pick up on them. Would you want to be friends with someone who's down and hates themself?

Or, would you like to be friends with someone who is positive? You'll need to take the first step, by learning to accept yourself as you are. If you can't accept yourself, how can anyone else accept you? The first step may be hard, but as you gain a little confidence, it will become easier and more people will want to be your friend and that will make you even more positive, drawing more people in and so on. Just as you feeling bad makes people avoid you and people avoiding you makes you feel bad, you feeling good makes others accept you and people accepting you makes you feel good. Soo, the circle can work either way.

Last but certainly not least, I feel that your thoughts of sui.cide will go away as you gain self esteme, so really learning to accept yourself is critical to your life. Make a list of things you'd like to accomplish in your life as well as things about yourself that would be good at accomplishing those things. What are your strengths?

We all have certain things we're better or worse at. Knowing them helps us build skills we have and learn ones we don't. Sure, right now, your life may seem out of your control, but realize those controls have less power than you think. Even if someone tells you a thousand times that gravity pulls things into the sky, it doesn't make it true, so why believe people saying things to you that are equally crazy. Just laugh them off. Words and even actions can't get to who you are. You are your own person and no one else truly controls you. Be awesome. Be yourself. :3

Thank you for the help. <:)