A lot of the things you've posted lately suggests to me you've become so comfortable with who you choose to be, that you refuse to see yourself for who you truly are...

what do you mean by that?

What I mean is: Can you really say you're happy with who you are now? If not, then something needs to be fixed. I don't know what it is that's got you feeling insecure, but family is the most crucial element you have to help you right now, especially if you're uncomfortable with talking to someone in particular like your dad. I got lucky, my friend William (weirdest dude ever) is and expert in this stuff. There was a point where I didn't know who I wanted to be, but he showed me some things about me I never would have discovered on my own. Long story short, we talked some things over, and that night I broke down in tears for an hour, and that's not something you see from 20 year old guys. Not because I was hurt or anything, but because I felt like I finally knew who I am, and it changed me for the better. I do not for one second regret going through that. I think that's something you need to go through with the family members who hurt you the most. It's the best way to mend a broken heart.

okay i admit i don't know who i am or who i want to be, but i'm going through SO much right now. some days i just want it to be over, for all this to end. it's so hard to connect with my family. they all twist my words and never actually listen to what i'm trying to say. i don't really trust them right now either.

and, no i can't say that i am happy