I feel you. ignorent people who judge people and they don't know whats going should shu.t the f up! i don't know why sh.ut is a swear word!? I tell you, the people who does swear wird aquistions here are so insane!

school is sure hell, I won't lie about that, it was hard for me, judgement of others, well... you can trick people mind easily to make them do or think what you want, that's one way I use all the time, reason is if you are weird, crazy and insane, people look at you with fear, then from it, people react differently with fear, some won't approach you, some will be close(trying to fight their fear of you) and some will fight you, physically, psychologicly and mentally, from it, you can see how other live and use their judgement towards you against them, without them noticing, except for who fight you directly, find a time when no one can defend the fighter and express on how the fighter should act toward you and there, no more problem except with the teachers, but who cares, unless it's an exceptional teacher, most are too slow and have no knowledge with real life, so find your way to acquire knowledges and send hell everyone else... ok that's a bit extreme, but you got my point

still, know that at least to pass all test and exams if you want to be a "doctor" cause even if you have knowledge to save someone else life, no one will let you do, if you aren't doctor.

though even if you're doctor, can't do anything to save someone else, doctor must follow rules and never change from it, unless it has been proof as bad or good over a certain period of tests.

still for loneliness and sadness, remember what I wrote before, do what you like to do, cause it's sure the most painful feeling, but have keep living, at least as long as you can live, cause who know what might happen in your life later, have to live even if it's painful, so to help you live, do what you like, as I play games to help me live my life, you surely have something that you like and never change, I like games, I like to play games, but I play the games I want, so that's sure hard to find what you like, but once you find, no matter what happen in your life, you will still keep hope in yourself to be and have what you wish for.

wish I could cheer you more, but it's hard for someone... for me to help, cause I'm not just weird, crazy and insane, but also depress since I'm a kid, that will never change in me, I can fool people around, but what can I say, no one know me, max someone can know me is like max one percent of me, I'm complex, still been like four years now that I lost my chance to be happy with someone that I couldn't read her mind, wish I had been smarter with her cause she showed me what love mean, even if I never understood her, though I want to see her one more time, my project is for her actually, I want thanks for what she did for me, she was like my teacher, a more weirder, crazier and insane...r than me, I don't know it might just be a wish to the stars alone cause see I got two chances to be with her for ever and because I wanted to make sure that she doesn't mistake to consider me as someone important for her, I failed my two chances, do I deserve a third chance, plus she might not trust me.

Like i said before listening to music helps but, it only numbs the pain so much. Sometimes it doesn't numb the pain at all.

You have helped me out alot devinland. Its nice to be able to talk to someone about my problems and stuff. Sadly I will probadly never think live is worth living until someone like a really close friend tells me other wise. And i don't know why she won't trust you. You seem like a really nice/good/kind person.

I won't lie and say that life is easy to live, it's hard and no one can help to take off the pain, just have to live with it, and I know what you mean, but that's why I tried to suggest, if you like to listen to music, even if you don't believe to be the next pop star, just make your own song, sing it, record it if you can on your ds or any other devices to record and listen to your own musics, like I do with my games, I play games, but when the actual games aren't enough, I make my own game to play like my project, but make sure to try a bit everything, if music doesn't help you enough, perhaps it's not something you like to do, but something you like to pass time with, like I watch tv to pass time, but I don't want to make my own tv show. see, something you like to do is usually something you want to improve by yourself to satisfy your needs, but it can take time to figure what you really like to do and sometime it can be something that you never though it would be.

for my relation, see I met her playing games, though three weeks later we met, I was playing games with her and she told that she wanted me as her boyfriend, I won't hide at first I felt it was creepy, for me girls at high school weren't much interest in me, and where I was studying in a professional school there was 0 girls, oh except one teacher in the school which were happily married, and at work, no girl too, since I wasn't too much in going in bar to meet girls, my life was to be single for ever, then when I was playing games online, I met her, I was clumsy when I met her, first time since like 2 years that a girl wanted to talk to me, at least more than where's the bank, on the street when I was going to work or school, and she liked games, she wasn't good in games, but she liked to play games, but she also loved reading, I discovered that later, still when she told me that she was attract to me, she saw that I freak out, took a week before I "accept" to be her boyfriend...

I don't trust easily, so at first I didn't trust her that she was considering me as someone more than a friend, at first I tried to convince her that she was doing a mistake and shouldn't have relations with me more than friends, but she persist and got angry that I doubt about her, she didn't know me and I didn't know her at that time, plus we had a language barrier, I was a french guy and she was american english girl, bad start, well I knew how to speak english, but never revealed to anyone, because I had no will or interest to speak english and was scared to make mistakes, still see it's her mom who blocked the relation in one night where she considered me as a potential husband, but had fear cause she was older than me and didn't trust me to be just for her cause her ex-boyfriends always went for her friends or worst, we argued for a while about it and I made a mistake, well I wanted info cause I had no clue on what to do, so she passed me her mom and I freak out and...

and her mom didn't agree with me, she got angry, her mom tried to discourage her to be with me after that night, it didn't work, so they moved and her mom didn't tell her daughter where they were moving so she couldn't tell me where they went and I lost contact, I knew a trick to find her, but I was scared to use it, but people around me told me go try it, so I tried, it worked, I chat with her one last time, she told me that her mom yell at her when she received the letter I sent so she told me to not send again, she was scared of her mom and then lost contact with her since that time, so I may be good/kind and all, but I'm not used to love so I usually try to flee even if it means pain for me and those who love me. so do I deserve a third chance? honestly no, but that's why I'm working on my project cause it's for her, but not directly so that she don't get problem.

Its nice that you have a project to keep your mind off things. And music really is my life my everything. Thats how come I would like to work any where that has to do with music like a radio station/be in a band/ maybe be a singer writer/ tour manager etc. And yeah, maybe the next rockstar but, never the next pop star.

that's good who knows if my project work, you may end up working for me for my project and even have your own characters in my project.

Cool! And I'm sure your project will work because i know you probadly been working really hard on it

I hope, but the animation is really hard, with a better pc, I could buy softwares to make the animation, but until that I'm stuck with just paint on windows to make each picture that will be add in my video software to make the animation, it's hard, hardest part.

Well, good luck.

thanks