I'm stuck between polarities. I want to believe that there is always new possibilities, but I'm constantly pulled back by the past. I want to move forward, but I'm always reminded of the possibilities that could have been, that never got to be. I wanted them to be so badly. I still do. But I ruined it. Leave it in the past, positive me says. Start over a new, but this time, try harder. But even the thickest of towers will fall when built high enough. Would you walk through a new doorway after leaving the last door open? I thought I was waiting to close it, but now it's too late. I look back in horror at the chances I got. If I had them now, I would jump on it. But I was too foolish to see what exactly it was. Pride really is deadly, isn't it? Unfortunately, it's pride that keeps me going. Yet causes me pain. I don't know how to brake this cycle. He did. And it was I who helped him. Oh, how I'd love just one more chance... but I used them all. I'm on my own.

I remember he used to message me at three in the morning. I acted annoyed, but it made me smile, even though I truly found it random. I was too proud too admit it though. After some time, and a few of my complaints, he stopped doing so. But recently, I found his posts on social media from around that same time. He said he woke up thinking of "her" again. Pride really is deadly.

Judging by his neutral attitude toward me, I'd say he assumed I closed that door. No. I'd be grateful for a neutral attitude.There's just nothing.
I still wonder if he still thinks of "her" even though It's unlikely. But I still think of him.

I can find temporary comfort. In nature, in music and video games. Through drawing, or writing. It makes me feel better.. but then, solitude reminds me where I stand soon enough.

Times heals all wounds. That's a laugh. I like to think I've moved on. But it's simply like grass in the wind, I end up right back where I started. The one thing that doesn't change with time, is a memory of younger days..

I end up laughing when I want to cry. When I try to cry, I have no tears. When I decide to take control, the dam cracks further, and the wind pulls my umbrella from my hand again. Like a bird I once saw fly away.

There was a time I took for granted. I was surrounded by friends. It was nice, but I didn't know what I had. Sure, none of those relationships I had were perfect, but they were infinitely better than what I have now. They left me, but they don't mourne our ties. They never lost each other, so to them, there's no difference. He was the only one who didn't leave, but I forced him out without realizing it.
When I was a child, I used to fill my palms with sand, and watch it drain between my fingers. Some things never change. I just let it slip, then I stand there with my pride, and tell myself I'll be fine as long as I stand my ground until I realize I'm all alone. I deserved to be left behind.

I wish I had something for you... but I experience a similar lonliness whenever I leave my home... I hope you find peace in your life, even if mine continues down it's path of hopelessness. Fare thee well, Forge... Fare thee well...

Thanks for giving a hoot.. it actually means something, considering no one ever does. I'm not looking for pity, or anything. I've been trying my hardest to keep my feet planted. It's very difficult, but I know I'm not the only one, so. I'll try harder.. I'm good at endurance <:)