I know it will end in heartbreak, my friend will return to her usual routine of depression... It hurts remembering how I treated her the same... Now I am a much weaker person... I make so many mistakes, I hurt my only friend... she has attempted to take the easy way out, I tell her she is only seeking attention when I know she feels true pain... I think I've lost her as my friend... We haven't spoken in a few months and everytime someone speaks of her it awakens my deep depression again, and I don't want to bother anyone so I push it to the back of my mind where it builds up, eventually causing me physical pain before I have another breakdown... I have an easy life, yes... but my life isn't easy, no... I secretly deal with my depression, deeply rooted anger that eats away my personality... I won't last much longer if I stay on this path... I won't cry though... even when I want to nothing comes out, I can't let it go and it hurts... I would seek help but I can't talk to people...

Perhaps this won't be understood, but only online can I express how I feel. As fictional as this may or may not seem this is the reality of my inner turmoil, my slow destruction... I'll be perfectly happy tomorrow as I am trapped in a loop of personalities, I won't be here again for a while, not the real me... It's a slow cycle, one I can't control... Like the fear I have when the light goes out... Seeing things that aren't there... They trouble me for many months after, and I remember, but I cannot speak, it isn't me... By the time people around me notice, my problems will be less than irrelevant, and will continue to go on, overlooked by people who don't even remember I exist. Online I take on a different persona to escape, but it never lasts long... Do not judge me for my issues, I speak because I can't do anything else... Tomorrow I will return to my usual optimism, ignored by the world... I truly do miss my friend, the only one who ever cared... I wish I could speak to her...

But she no longer needs me, she has someone to care about, who listens to her, who loves her... I am no longer of use to the only person I can call my friend... If she ever was, my friend... I've lost my purpose, any hopes of redemption have escaped my grasp as my strength fades, and I'm losing sleep, health... My mother tells me I'm dying, that I don't sleep or eat enough... I believe her... I'm always losing weight now, the undersides of my eyes grow darker every day and my intelligence decays... I almost drowned today and it's become a struggle to breath, my chest is heavy but I'm thin and my muscles are nigh non-existant... My only other friend, he hasn't spoken to me in a while either, he doesn't even draw here anymore... he says I'm dying, too... I believe him... why souldn't I? I'm surprised my heart is still beating... He has an appropriate username, he never talks anymore... no one has heard from him since the last time he was here... "I'm back!!!" he announced with glee...

He never responded when I spoke to him... but I remember the last time we spoke in person, before he disappeared... I remember when I see the moon, strong and silent... Recently the moon became red, like blood... Is this a sign? Am I alone in the world? Or... am I just lost...

You're not alone. I've been there too. I had a friend like that. We went through some stuff. I said things I regret today. We don't talk. But the world is filled with people. I love him, and I know he could never hate me. Our friendship faded away on a bad note, but despite that, I look forward, knowing the world is big. One thing isn't everything; there's still more for me, for you. Bad things may have happened, and still, I find myself spending days in a slope, feeling lost, and thinking about the past, how things went, how they could've went. But I'm still alive. YOU'RE still alive. We still have the chance to sc.rew up our courage and see what lies beyond the comfort zone. I can't make you a bolder person with a few sentences, but it would be a waste if you didn't get to see what other things are like. Other people, a new you. One of my favorite quotes is "Don't be afraid of shadows.. It just means there's a light nearby"

Ah, I need to get off my pessimistic b00ty and live, I know... but it seems that everytime I do I'm hit with more issues... Ugh, my mood sucks...