And if I can't talk to them, how in the world am I supposed to comfort them? That's right, I can't. I am mentally unable to help my friends without sounding like a tape recording stuck on repeat spouting out the same nonsense to different people. Let me tell you some stories here. About two or so years ago when I was just starting on dA, I met someone named Zio. We hit it off really well, but I started noticing that she was having some family issues. I tried to help. Keyword: tried. I couldn't do anything. Now, we barely even speak to each other. We've just fallen out of our old friendship. But I guess we've both matured. I also met someone named Loren. We're friends still, I guess. Gradually I noticed her becoming more depressed and hopeless. Again, I tried but I failed. I guess after trying multiple times on the same two people I ran out of words and I started to stop trying. So, as Loren fell back into her old habits after a while I stood by and I watched. (cont.)

After a while I met Roxy and she is just amazing. We're still great friends. Although, I don't believe I hold the right to say best friends. I can't unless I get assurance from the other party that I'm their best friend too. Anyways, she started posting about she was getting headaches and stuff and I was really worried but gosh heck I should have seen the signs. I saw her fall ever deeper into hopelessness, but she never really showed it. And I thought, "She'll be fine. She seems well today." I was so very wrong. I could have tried to do something before but I didn't. And now today I see her slipping like sand through my hands and I just can't catch all the grains because I know if I try I'll fail. I'm worried to the point of tears about her wellbeing and I would give my life to magically take her depression and anxiety away and make her a social butterfly but I can't. I know that my worry doesn't help anything but it's in my nature to worry about things. (cont.)

I don't want to ever give up hope and after a while it does seem pointless, but I still remember that these people need everything they can get but I'm not giving it to them my all. It feels very selfish. So I want to avoid being selfish and I don't talk about my problems and I try to watch my tongue so I don't say anything to make it worse. But in the end I do and it all goes downhill. Continuing with storytime, I met someone named Alex, too. They're very good at hiding their emotions and the only way I could an update on them was by asking but it felt... intrusive. I worried a lot after she hit rock bottom and felt like sh.it every day. I don't even know the cause of her depression, but I know for a fact that I made it a lot worse. I didn't hold my tongue once and I said some things I shouldn't have. In the end because of my thoughtlessness she had a panic attack and hit rock bottom. I heavily blame myself for it, and she hasn't shown any sign of recovery at all. (cont.)

There was a kid at school named Chris. I didn't know him well,but I sat near him in S.S. and from my view I could see his arms perfectly well. I never noticed until a few days before he disappeared. I noticed he looked sick and pale, but I didn't ask him. The next day I saw something on his arm, but I didn't know what. The day after I finally saw and I was worried. Parrallel cuts were on both his arms. They were long, and they looked deep. They were in plain view, but I didn't say anything. He was exhausted all the time and fell asleep in class. My teacher let it go and I knew something was deffinitely wrong. My teacher never lets sleeping in class go. I never got to ask him about the cuts, the next day he was gone. I heard one other person ask, though. All he did was shake his head and turn away. All I did was watch. Another friend of mine named Kamren is diagnosed with depression but she never showed it. She takes meds for it and she seems fine. (cont.)

However, one day at lunch I heard her talking with one of my other friends. She said she seems very happy on the outside but inside she's very lonely. I've still done nothing and the clock is counting down. It all seems very hopeless but I find that I'm not sad for myself at all. Only sad for my friends and frustrated at my unwillingness to help those I care about. All of my problems are petty compared to what they've have or are going through. Although I know I'm experiencing half the pain they've lived through it still hurts a lot to see them this way. I actually really look up to them. It takes a lot to keep going, even if it's only by a thread.
lol sorry about bothering you with this selfish vent.