I know... Please, sleep... I'm going to have a mental breakdown... I might not be here... Be there for those who need you, but before all, takee care of yourself....

No, I'm not leaving you.
I-... I won't leave you like this...
Not you...

I need you to tell me...

I need you to tell me...

I won't get a wink on sleep until I know you'll be okay when I wake up...

Tell me you're not going to do what I think you're going to do...
...
I need to know...
If you want me to rest, I need to know... Or that thought will torment me all night...

Will you be okay..?
Please don't lie to me either... Will you really be okay..?

I wont lie to you... I dont know. I just dont know. My head is filled with a screa.ming pain, I cant think. Everything else is dull except for that... My girlfriend is scared, maddie is scared... I'm scared for myself...

I'm scared for my family, I'm scared for you.

Come on... J-... Just... Just... Ngh... I can't protect you...

Garson, I'm sorry. I failed you.

Please... Please be okay... Oh gods... Please be okay... ... ... Please don't take her away from me,,. Please...

No Garson, I'm not okay. I'm still alive... for now. I wont leave you without saying goodbye.

...
I don't know what to do...
I can't lose you... I can't...
I... I Just can't...
Please... Keep trying... I know I sound selfish, but please... Keep trying... For me...
...
I can't do this without you...
...
Please... ... ...

Garson, this is the hardest its ever been. I'm numb, I literally cant feel my body, I cant understand my thoughts. Everything hurts...

...
Then I don't know what to do...
I'm sorry I failed you...
...
I'm so sorry...
I can't do it...
...
I'm... Just going to go hide... for a while... I... Need to think...

M-... Miranda... S-something's not right... I'm... not feeling too hot right now... I-it feels bad...
Legitamatly bad...

...
I-I'm not joking... T-this is bad... This is really bad.
Something is seriously wrong with

...
I think I have a problem...

Garson... Please be okay... I'm sorry! This is my fault... Its all my fault!

Garson! Please... Please be okay... No... This cant be happening... You swore... You promised on my life.... I'm scared Garson... I'm so scared...

I'm fine!
It's okay!
*hugs and holds*
I'm okay... I'm still here...
Nothing is your fault... Don't say that... Don't ever say that...

I had... Well I don't know what it was... It was da.mn near close to a heart attack...
I'm fine... Don't blame yourself... ... ...
It was a problem I knew I had already. It just... Bit me in the bu.tt a little.
I'm okay... I promised I wouldn't leave you... I'm keeping that promise Miranda...
I wouldn't leave you... Not like that... And especially not now...

Garson, I'm scared... I cant be strong anymore... I dont have will anymore... You need to be okay... You need to be strong...

I'm okay... I swear I'm okay Miranda... I'm being as honest as I can be right now... Not a scratch on my body...
I just... had a little episode. That's all...
No knives. No razors. Nothing sharp. No pain.
Just a small headache...
I'm okay...
You didn't do anything... Okay..?
...
I'm sorry if I scared you like that...
I... Was awknowlaging that I think I have an actual problem... I know I'm not the most... Stable.
But compared to before, I'm better...
...
I promised you... And I wouldn't break that promise... I couldn't break that promise... If I did... Then the effect it would have on you would be unbarable...
I am not leaving you... I gave you my word...

I tried to make everything better, but I broke down... Garson, it /is/ my fault, all of it. I'm not strong enough... I dont have will anymore...

...
I hate putting this on you... But if you want me to live... I need you here to do that...
Try to calm down...
Take a few deep breathes... Just close your eyes and focus on me...
We're both still here right...
We've been through so much together...
And we both have so much to look forward to... And you know that...

You don't want to throw it all away... Do you..?
...
I was strong for you... I didn't have a lick of will to live... But you showed me... You proved to me that there is always a reason to go on...
...
And I only hope... I'm reason enough...

Miranda... Hhh.
You know...
There is... Something...
Hhhhhh... Rrrgh...
...
There's... Something I really... Shouldn't... Tell you.
But...
It's my only option.
And I'm willing to use it.
Only... If you want to hear it.

Oh gods, what is it?

It's a long story... A very... Long story...
My family doesn't exactly have a good luck streak...
And I want to tell you... Because I just want you to understand... That even if it's one little thing.., Or one person... There's still a reason to keep going.

Now I want you to listen... Because I'm only telling this to you... To you alone... And only once...

And you cannot. And I repeat, Can-not... Tell another living... breathing soul about this...

I wont tell

Alright...
Now I don't know a lot about my family... I barely know about my mom... I only know this much because I have a good tallent of eavsedroping...
Now you know I b!tch about my mom a lot... And for good reason... But I can't blame her because I know why she has a temper and can have a few mood swing moments... And it's why I do still look up to her a bit...
... And I admit... I feel very sorry for her...

She had it worse than me... Than Daisy... And than you... Combined...

First off, she didn't even have a home. Her dad was a trucker and her mom... Wasn't the best at doing her job. And her family was not the best... Some members, she loved to death but others... You'd rather be in hell. First off, she was mistreated by her three, very older brothers.

And I mean, beat and shoved and teased and yelled at and other bull sh!t I can't even remember. And her mom, didn't give a da.mn... Her bother accidentaly. And me being who I am, will but "" over, "Accidentaly" because it sounded pretty dang on purpose to me, busted her head open, and she had to get stiches. One of her brothers nearly lit her on fire with a fire work. ON PURPOSE! And again, her mom didn't give a da.mn. Oh, and of course, her dad was never around for any of it. She still loved her brothers. ( naive little girls, I tell ya )
Well, her mom, was no help at all and almost seemed like she hated her. And she kinda did to be honest.
Fast forward a few years. Two or three of her friends die in a drunken car crash. She has to deal with one of her brothers being deaf now, and that wasn't fun for her. Fast forward a few more years, she gets pregnant too young, and gets compleatly disowned by her family, kicked out, lived on the streat for a while, and of course had to -

give my now older sister away. ( she visits us, we visit her but rarely all the same )
Oh yeah, forgot. Then ended up in the hosputal... What? Five... Seven times, multiple suic!de attempts. Her most popular try, overdose. Hooray for drugs! Right!?
Well that's not all. Oooho no. That'd be too easy. Next she finds out, her most loved brother who was not only deaf, is now on drugs. Crystal Meth to be exact. And was in a gang. Got the sh!t beat out of him and now homeless and god knows where to this day. Next brother, litarally vanishes off the face of the earth. Not a person on this planet knows where he is. And the other, moves to Florida, and forgets she exists.

Fast forward. She has endured sh!t like no one else. Well, she said, fu.ck it and no joke, joines the Marines. Best of the best in military. Compleates the training, only to find out, she can't be put into service because of a weird back problem. ( still drives her nu.ts to this day )
She's now pregnant with me, and... Wait for it... Get's hit, by a fu.cking semi truck... No/sh!t. SURVIVES! ( obviously ) By god knows how. ( Running joke. My head saved her from the crash, ha ha. shut up )

And then I come along. She was no joke, about to give up. Find the best way to co.mmit suic!de as if the truck wasn't enough until I came alone.
Then she meets my dad, and it's all fine and dandy from there... Not really.
Then my sister. You've seen her gallary. Y'know who she is.
When she was... Five? Six? No sh!t! The girl bashes her head on the corner of our lovly brick fireplace. Rushed to the hospital, and now has a little dent in her skull. I was next in line for child abuse.
My mom, was a bit mental with me, when I was younger. Oh! This was every day by the way! So points for scarring me for life!
She would yell at me for the smallest, and I mean SMALLEST mistake. She would threaten to k!ll me. She threw stuff at me. She hit me. She took a belt to me. She pushed me.
One day, I push back... She was p!ssed. Don't get me wrong, but I think a bit proud cuz we've been faily cool since then.
Fast forward to more recently.

Oh, I forgot. I stepped on a rusty nail, almost went through my foot, and stabbed myself with a pencil, and almost died because of lead poisoning. Guess what! I'm superhuman cuz I still got a bit of lead in my neck today! Cool right? ( Alright... Enough sarcasm smart a.ss )

Well, my sister bashed her face in for, wonder of all wonders, not listening to me and breaks her entire tooth. So dentist visits on a todo these days.
I'm not very mentaly stable as we well know. And the cutting n' bla bla bla. You were there for that. My dads side of the family is just bonkers, coocoo crazy. And god knows how my moms parents were treated because I heard it wadn't pretty.

So! To sum it up. My family's got some ba.lls if we're all still here because we all still find a reason to live.

I have to go...
I love you Miranda...
I'll be back later. *hugs*

Thats tough. Thats really all I can say. Lifes unfair. I dont even want to get into my families sh!t. I love you too. *Hugs*

I don't believe it's that unfair anymore...
Because I found you...

...
I'm not going to lie...
I'm terrified of leaving you alone for a second... ... ...
Especially tonight...
I'm terrified... I'll be alone again when I wake up...
...
Terrified... That one person... Who tought me to fight again... To never give up... I shared so many great moments with...
I'm scared she'll be gone... ... ...

I won't force you to talk about what you don't want too... I won't even ask...

At this point... I don't even care...

...

All I want... ... ...

Is...

I just don't want you to leave... ... ...

When did you get to be such a brave, strong, independant person? I'm still here, I'm a little better now, I'm not leaving, not now.

When you grow up in a family like mine, raised how I was, and in the world we live in... Not to sound like a snob, but streat smart wise and... Idk. Life wise? Ya get stronger and smarter. Definatly not skill.
I pin it on experiance and nothing less.
...
And... Thank you... Oh my gods... Thank you... ... ...
... I'll never leave you Miranda... Ever...
I gave you my word. And I'm not going back on it...

Awww, fu.cking mc. fudgerton... Soory if I type weird. I'm hutin' pretty bad and Im too lazy to fix it.
Agh... Can't get get a break? Yeesh...
Anywho. I was here to tell you, I'm probably gonna knock out early tonight... Last night was an all nighter and it didn't have a good effect for me today so if I don't want to get yelled at any more, I need sleep... Crap.
Unless you need me to stay awake with you. ( even though you should get some sleep too )

I'm so tired after the 5 hour interview today... Sleep well.

Ooooooh, my, FU.CKING, GODS!!!

Hhhhh... I can't wait to talk to you some time... Even if it's just on here because... I swear, I'm going to stra.ngle someone. And I will enjoy it very much if I do.

Because with Daisy, being dramatic, and too gods da.mn fu.cking stubborn to listen to a word I say, I honestly can't help her anymore, and I am litarally at the point where if something happenes to her, I 'aint gonna cry because guess who didn't listen. I did my gods da.mn best but nope.

Tiff, is driving me fu.cking bonkers. She b!tches about me never being on. AND THEN LEAVES FOR ALMOST TWO F'ING WEEKS! And she has the ordacity to come up with a half a.ssed copout.
I have helped everyone I can as much as I can. So ya know what... It's their fu.cking fault.
The strong survive and if you won't listen to what I have to say. DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YA ON THE FU.CKIN' WAY OUT! BECAUSE IIII'M SICK OF TALKING TO BRICK WALLS THROWING PITY PARTIES!

I have my own problems to worry about.

I have Miranda to worry about.
I have this... AGH! Gods da.mm skin condition driving me fu.cking crazy!
My mental health is getting worse again. I still pass out. My sister is being dramatic. Big shocker. When is she not.
I need to be there for Miranda, because she is the only person who will LISTEN to me! Because she isn't swallowed up in selfishness! She has real problems! And I'm tired of hearing poor sap stories when everyone has the good life! I swear! It's like everyone is a gods da.mn attention seeker! Y'know!
Why you people think I put my faith, trust and life in Miranda's hands people.
Because she knows what it's like. She's not being a prissy b!tch about everything... Holy sh!t... Grow the hell up people...
I'm not magic. I tell you what you need to hear but you won't listen... Miranda is smart enough to listen... Oh my gods...

Hh... hh... hh...
Okay...
I got that out of my system...
Oh man... I'm not joking... I feel a little lught headed right now because I was about to bash someone's skull in... Or my own because I had no controll of myself...
Okay... I'm gonna... Lay down for a moment...
Sorry for the mental breakdown/ temper tantrum... People on Colors have been pushing my buttons lately and I needed to let it out without starting a little chat war...
Hooo... I need some water...
I'll uhm... I'll be here later... If... Gah, sh!t I need to calm down. I'm gonna give myself a heart attack...
I'll be on later if ya wanna talk...
And I'm going crosseyed... Yep. Gtg.

Its okay, you can always let it out here. Remember, this is our little safe place. What skin condition Garson? o-o" I'm worried about you. Please stay safe.

Gaah. It's genetics n' sh!t... Ugly breakouts from my chest, shoulders and down my back a little bit. Hurts like hell. Stupid breakouts or cancer? How the hell should I know.
And yeaaah. Eh heh. "xD Sorry about that. Some people just know how to drive me compleatly bonkers, crazy.

... Uhm... There's something that's been eating at me that I... Kept from you... And it's part of the reason why I'm hell bent on keeping my promise. ( hey! Two months clean! )
... It's... Grim... And honestly... You probably don't want to hear it.
...
If you do though, let me remind you. This was three months ago... I'm keeping my promise now... I know it'll be hard but I'm not doing that again, Imcan asure you.
...
I've kept this from you too long... I wouldn't tell you period but... It's the fact I lied to you at the time is what's bothering me.

W-what is it...? O-O"

Hhh... Man, I wasn't looking forward to this...

Okay...

Three months ago, (yes I remember some of the crazy sh!t three months ago) I remember our little routine. We'd always check on eachother at least once a day. I'd ask if you were okay, you'd ask if I was doing fine. And we were both fairly content with how things were...
...
I lied...
That month was a free trip to hell and back... I was nowhere near okay... And to be honest, it's still a mystery to me how I survived because... I did a few thing I still regret.

And... Yes, that includes the cutting at the time... My arms were a litaral bloody mess...
The suic!de attempts, the cutting, the hiding...
I felt like I was practicly paralized for a while because it was a challange to even get out of bed in the morning...

I'm not proud of lying to you. Believe me...
But I only did it to protect you.
And again. This is all in the past... And I'm not going back to the place that made me like that...

Worthless information, I know.
But it was just one of those things you need to get off your chest.
Sorry for rambling. Probably just a waste of time.
My bad -.-"

B-but... Why... Y'know I tried so hard to be there for you... I told you everything... Alex, why.....

I was trying to protect you... And again, it's all practicly anchient (sp?) history. You know I'm a tough guy, I'm fine now. Hell, pretty soon, I could pass for a real as.sassin. xD Been trying to toughen up a bit. No point in being lazy all day.
*cough* still kinda am *cough*
And... Idk how to say this and not offend you... Well... You're a pretty tough girl yourself... Hmm...
Idk. I can take a hit and some bloodshed. And tbh, yes, it hurt like hell at the time, but it was childs-play compared to the beatings I take almost every day. x'D I uh... I'm a little... Er...
Clumsy. I guess.
You don't want to know the stuff I've managed to do just by walking... And getting out of bed...
I'm not very coordinated in case you couldn't tell. x'D That's why I'm trying to work on a few things... Derp.

Anyway! Let's move past that shall we. No point in dwelling on things we can't do anything about. You did your job. You suceeded. I'm still here and unharmed. Sounds like a victory to me.

Now, I will check back soon. I'm trying to write a song... Unsucessfully at that...
Oh well! See you later.

But honestly... I was only trying to protect you Miranda...
The things I do, and the things I don't tell you are for a reason... I can take a the pain. It's all in the past now. Okay..? Try not to think about.
It's not healthy.
If you want to protect me, keep yourself safe. And if something happens to me I'll tell you.
Okay..?

Stay safe... I'll be back later... *hugs* I love you.

...

Omg... Also... No! x///D Nope. Sorry! Not telling! You would so laugh at me. Yeah, bbl!

The last chapter of Shadow Child is up if you want to see it...
...
I wish you were on...
I-... I'm not feeling too good...
I'm trying to stay calm...
I think I'm just tired... I'm going to get some sleep before I do something stupid... Don't worry. I'm still in one peice. Nowhere near sharp objects...
I think I just need to lie down... It's jusy been an interesting day...
I hope we can talk some time sonn.
Goodnight... *hugs*

Okay... I'm good... Feeling better.
I just needed some sleep.

Miranda... I don't like this... A-are you okay..?
D-did I say sonething..?
...
I knew I shouldn't have said anything... I always sc.rew up... I need to just... go away...
...
I'll leave you alone... I'm sorry...
Just... Please be okay... Don't care about me... Please, look after yourself... Just... Leave me. Things would be better for you without me... I'm sorry I failed you... I did my best to help... It's just never enough... ... ...
...
...
...
I guess... If you ever need me... You know where to find me...
Not like I got anywhere to go...

...
I'm sorry... I don't know if I did something...
...
Please just be okay... I'm sorry for bugging you...
...
I just hate being alone...
...
I need some sleep...
Whenever you're back on... Well... I guess I'll know... ... ...
...
...
...
Is it sad I check this almost every single day..?

...
*curls into a ball shaking*
... Please come back...

...
Please be okay...
...
That's all I want... Just please be okay...

...I'm sorry...

MIRANDA! *hugs*
Agh... Don't be... I'm just glad you're okay...
...
Needless to say... I... get scared when you leave for a long time without notice... I... Just feel a bit abandoned...
But I know you wouldn't do that. Sorry... I know I worry way too much.

There's..... There's a lot going on...

Oi... Tell me about it... I'm trying not to bash my wall in atm... I'm a little p!ssed off, so sorry if I snap at you.
It has nothing to do with you... I'm just angry.

AGH! God da.mn it! Can I just get a knife and... RGH! I swear, I want to just freaking... Choke somebody.

Fu.ckin' hell!

Blah, Tyler this! Tyler that! Omg Tyler! Hey Garson, me n' Tyler! Bla bla bla!
I DON'T GIVE A SH!T! SHUT THE FU.CK UP!
OH MY GOD I DON'T CARE! I STILL EXIST Y'KNOW!
Y'know! The guy who oh, idk. PRACTICLY HELD YOUR HAND THROUGH THE MOST FU.CKED UP TIMES!
The one you use to always hang out with!
And then SHE came along! Fu.cking little b!tch...
...
...
...
Ngh... I'll be quiet... Sorry...
...
Er... So, what's going on with you?

Garson, calm down. I really need you right now, I'm laying on my aunts couch with a fever... I'm moving in with my dad, maddie and I where both kicked out by her mom. I'm really sick... And tired...

Hhh... I'm sorry. I'm just... Not in a brilliant mood...
...
But I'm always here for you... *hugs*

*hugs* I'm scared... Of another new start... I'm scared... Another new school... Another new life... Another new home... Another new family...

Ssshh... It's okay...
...
I'll always be here... That'll never change...
... Read the last chapter of Shadow Child... Maybe that will give you some encouragement...
Don't worry about the ending... I don't die for once...
...
Take a deep breathe and try to relax... You'll be alright... I'll never leave your side...

I'v already read it. I have to go now, it wont stop bleeding... No no, dont be scared. Bye.

... I don't know how not to be scared...
...
...
...
When all I do is worry about losing you...
...
I won't be on tonight... I need to sleep... ... ... Stay safe... Please...

I will... And be brave, my warrior.

I will...

I... Am trying... So hard.. Not to kick someone's teeth in... *shaking rage*

Calm yourself...

Hhh... I'm... I'm sorry...
...
I...
...
I'm just feeling... betrayed and abandoned...
...
I'll... Be just fine...
Hm hm hm... Hmm hmm hmm... Hah... Hah ha... ... ... Okay I need to lay down because I'm scareing myself...

Sorry about the Garson thing... He's not going anywhere... I was... Just tired and angry... My emotions were controlling me... I'm fine now... Me and-... Y'know what... It's not important...
I'm fine and Garson's not going anywhere...

Garson: *flattens ears* You say that now... You've tried getting rid of me before... You don't ewant to hurt Shadow do you..?

Ngh... I hate it when my characters somehow manage to get the moral of what's happening across to me...

Uhm... In other news... I was wondering if I could add Shadow to my As.sassin's Creed thiny when it comes back... But as a permenent character of the series..?

If it's fine with you.

That sounds great. Shadows always up to being in your stories. And whats wrong, Garson? I only listen to "all of me" when I'm really troubled. Y'know you can tell me anything.

... I don't want to bring it up only because I don't want to start something...
...
It's between me and Tiff...
...
Just... Easily replacable I guess...
Idk...
Don't tell her I said anything.
I don't want you getting involved because it's a downhill battle for everyone...

And thanks for letting me adding you into my story.
Should start making new episodes around fall.

...
I'm just gonna keep practicing my singing for now...

If you dont want to tell me... Its fine I guess...

W-we can still talk like we used to.... I'm sorry...

I just don't want you to get sucked into our little ugly arguement... I just feel like... She kinda replaced me.

Can you GC..?

With this 'Tyler' girl? I can GC tomorrow.

( P.S. I'm gonna upload something and it might not look pretty ( I hope it litarally doas detail wise ) ... But I'm fine. It's sorta... Idk... It's a thing. But it has nothing to do with me... And... What's happening in the picture, so don't worry )

Yeah... Her new "girlfriend" ...
I'm not a fan... But... I'm sure that's jelousy talking...
Just a... stupid arguement among friends... That's all.

And yeah. I'd love to GC tomorrow... I miss ya.
( I swear if something comes up and I can't, someone gets a mouth full of fist )

I miss you too. And you know I'd never replace you. I'm so sorry we cant talk like we used to. Its my fault, I have so much stuff to do... Moving... New school... Ashly... My girlfriend... Maddie... My mom, aunt, dad, stepmom, little brother and sister. Its a lot, and I try to talk whenever I can.

Thank you...
And I can't blame you for not being able to talk to much. I know you got a lot to take care o- ...
*grins*
Mirandaaaaa... I think you forgot to tell me somethiiiing.

W-what? I dont think so...

Come on. I'm a writer. I stare at words. You didn't think you could throw "girlfriend" in there and expect me to skim right over it.
...
so...
...
Who is she?

Because I'm preeety sure you don't meen,
"Heeey girlfriiiend, omg, like, let's go and get some new shoes" type of girlfriend. xp

F*ck... I met her online. She's a writer too. Check out a book called "Winged" by Shelby Rayn.

And shes the one I was talking about here: #PSorry

Aww, does my little Mirandy have a girlfriend.
...
Did I seriously just call you "Mirandy"..? *shakes head*
Not the point!
Point is:
Er mer gerd, I'm so happy for you!
I hope things will continue to work out.

( da.mn Colors keeps glitching... )
And, I gtg shoping with da parents so... I am not going to get some mlp cards while I am out... Nope... <_< >_>
YOU HAVE NO PROOF! X//D
I'll be back soon. Take care. *hugs*

*Hugs* Bai! Have fun, and get a homestuck shirt at hot topic!

( delayed: I'll definatly be out after this x'D )

I don't like Homestuck! XDDDD
I didn't even know they had Homestuck shirts at Hot Topic.
...
Be back! Sorry! X'D

You must like homestuck, for it is life! XD

...
I don't know who to trust anymore... ... ...
...
Tiff keeps giving me that, "I fell in love, geez sorry" Bull sh!t...
Falling in love does not mean and /or give you the right to make excuses for compleatly ignoreing, forgetting, or abandoning your friends!
The "Sorry, I fell in love" sh!t is getting old! The ammount of times I've been told that by people I thought were "friends" is stupid!
AND I AM SICK! AND TIRED! OF BEING FU.CKING LEFT ALONE BECAUSE YOU SUDDENLY FIND SOMEONE YOU BARELY KNOW AND FORGET ABOUT THE PERSON WHO PRACTICLY SAVED YOUR LIFE, PUT UP WITH YOUR BULL CRAP AND LOVED YOU LIKE A SISTER ALMOST UNCONDITIONALY!
*snaps stylus*
Fu.cking lovely...
...
This is why I keep spares. Be prepared...
Like you should be prepared for when you're closest friends stab you in the back! *punches pillow*
...
I don't need her...
She's a traitor! A love struck fool!
I'll show her... I'll show her I never needed her!
Oh I aughta just fu.cking hex that woman right now...
*snarls*

Ahem...
Yes... Well...
It's not my taste.
But I admit does sound pretty funny. XD
...
Pardon t-the outburst... *clears throat*
Everything is perfectly okay...
I... Needn't dwell on that any longer...
So... *eye twitches*
How is... Everypony... You and Maddie... Eh heh...
...
Bloody hell... I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! ... I need a few youtube videos to calm me down.

Eh heh... Hah hah! Hah ha ha!
Oh great! Just fu.cking great! Yeeaaaaah! I'm just a sack of happy fun joy and all that fu.cking bull sh!t! BECAUSE WHY NOT!
I don't need ANYBODY!
I trust people?! WELL WHAT KIND OF MOR.ON AM I!?!
I'm fine all on my own... Yeah... Hah ha... Who's gonna leave me and stab me in the back next... Hmm..? Hah ha ha! ...
They can burn... THEY CAN ALL BURN FOR WHAT I CARE! Wait! I know! I'll make them regret it... It'll just be a little blood. Mmm ha ha ha! Yeah. Just... A lot. Oh, I like that better... NO! I got it!
I'll drive them absolutly crazy! LIKE ME! Ha ha ha!
No, no, no...
I'LL SHOW THEM THAT THEIR REPLACABLE! TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME! YES!
*twisted laughter*
...
Ugh... Maybe I need to sit down... I'm hurting my head...
...
Ngh... What am I becoming...

A love struck fool? Everyone whos in love will forget you, eh? Rethink sending that to me please.

Yeaaaah. About that. "x'D *gulp*
Correction.
TIFF: Is a love struck fool... Okay tbh everyone but you because this has happened too many times before to me and you're the only person who hasn't said: "OPE! I'M IN LOVE NOW! CYA FU.CKER!"
...
Change of subject.
I GTG! I'll be back later.
*hugs* Omg, it was great to talk to you again... I missed that.
Hope we can do it again soon.
See you in a while.
OH! And I wanna hear your cosplay plans some time! I'm a pushover for cosplay.

I'm going to be cosplaying as kankri from homestuck, look it up.

Cool.
...
Y'know...
...
If you want me to shut up or leave... Or replace me or whatever...
Just tell me to get the hell out and don't come back...
...
Because I can't take it anymore...
I've been lied to... and backstabbed... and fed false hope and just left in the dark all of a sudden without answers... Way too many times now...
...
I'm tired of the excuses...
...
I put way to much trust in her...
Because I thought... She would keep her promises and we'd never turn our back on eachother...
Guess I was wrong...
...
I'm sorry... But I'm hurt... I really am... ...
...
If there's ever a time you get sick of me, just tell me to my face... And give me a reason...

I'm sorry... I'm just tired of being cast away like this...
...
I need to at least try to sleep... You try and sleel good too.
Goodnight...

Now Garson, I'm dissapointed in you. If you think for one second I'd do that, you dont know me at all.

S-sorry...
*flattens ears*
I...
I'm just haveing... a few trust issues at t-the moment...
...
I-I'll shut up... S-sorry...

Fuuuu-... No. I still want you to talk to me. I always have trust issues, and we need to work through it.

Okay...

*sighs*...

I-... I'm sorry...
I just... ... ...
I'm just a wreck...
I have no excuse.
...
I tried... Nvm... You were afk. I'm just going crazy now... I honestly need to sleep tonight...
I... Haven't slept properly at all this week...
Ngh...
...
Why do I always sc.rew up..?

Hey! You're back! So... How are things n' stuff?

I'm f-fine.... J-just fine...

Aaaand ya blew ur cover...
Hhh...
*lays next to you*
Come on... You know can tell me anything...
You know I'm always here...

Please tell me...
I only want to help...

Ngh... Come on... Tell me what's wrong... Please...
Nothing's hurt but my pride today... At least let me help ya out...

Uhhh. I think my thing is glitching... I'm getting comments from June... Wtf Colors..?

I'm just fine okay... Livin at my dads aint so bad... Going to another new school doesnt bother me... Having my sister back is great when I catch her smoking again. ^u^

I'm glad you're alright.
I was getting worried. Heh. Yeah yeah, "Oh you don't have to worry about me." Well, that's my job and I can't help it.
Wait... Ur sister smokes..? *eye twitches*

Yes, and before she went to the hospital, she did drugs and drank.

Hhh... Ooooh, lovely... I'd have a few stern words if I cought someone in my family doing that...
Ngh... Get some sleep. I'm sure you need it...

I got some sleep... But it was filled with nightmares...

Mmm... You know... If you want to talk about what it is your having nightmares of with me, you can... It helped me.
Unless it's something you really don't want to talk about then I understand.

Y'know... Nightmares or not... I'm so proud of you... You've grown so strong since I first met you...
Hm hm...
You're my little warrior... *hugs*

*Hugs* Just... Y'know the nightmares doesnt matter, because, they cant change me. They cant bother me here, with you.

Hm hm hm... That's my girl...
...
You have no idea how greatful I am to even know you Miranda...
I'm glad you're having a good day. It's comforting to hear...

I'll always be your girl. Its comforting when you say that... It makes me feel secure. I dont know why, but it does.

Mmm...
...
This may seem off topic... But I can't get it out of my head...
...
You tell me not to worry about you sometimes... I can't help it... I still can't help that every time I wake up you... might have said your last goodbye...
Or that you'r going down the road that I went down...
The stupid amount of suic!de attempts. The cutting. The... Ngh...
I'm scared... That's an understatement. I'm terrified out of my mind that I'm going to lose you...
I don't want you hurt... Or worse...
Or to end up like I did...
I'm not leaving you... Nothing anyone says to me will change that... Because I came too close to leaving the one person I knew I could trust no matter what...
...
I'm very lucky to even be having this conversation right now as it is... Very lucky... Because I almost wasn't here last week...
...
I'm sorry if I drive you a little nu.ts with the worrying but... Honestly...
I only do it because I want you to protect you.

Awww, Alex. I may hurt but thats just a step of healing. I dont want you to worry so much, because I'm not leaving you. Some things are just worth living to see. : )

Hm hm... *hugs*
You make me so proud Miranda...
...
...
I'm not crying... It's liquid pride...

*Hugs* Sometimes... Sometimes its better to cry.

Yeah...
You've shown me nothing but kindness... Even in times when I didn't deserve it...
And I know you've been through a lot...
...
And you're still here for me...
I'd like to say that maybe I helped... But it was all you... And I couldn't be more happy that you're still here...
...
Before I forget to tell you, I don't want to forget and make you panic... I'll be gone next week I think for three days.
...
You'll be okay right..?

School starts next week... Y-yeah... I'll be okay. Just please dont asign anyone else to look after me. Where are you going?

Hah ha ha. Oh alright. I don't know who I'd even put up to the task if I wanted to now anyway.
We got lucky so we're heading down to DisneyLand again for three days next Tuesday.
...
Ngh... Er... so, how are things with you?

Um... I'm good, peachy. Just fine. Great. Whoop whoop. Amazing, never better.

Miranda... You're an aweful liar darling... Come on... You have no need to keep secrets from me... What's troubling you?

Nothing, nothing at all. ^w^

Miranda! ... I pray for your sake you're telling me the truth...
Very well then...
*ahem*
Do you think you'll have time to GC today?

I'm sorry, I cant X(

A-alright...
...
Well you know where to find me if you need me.

Ngh... I think I'm gonna be sick... Rgh...

Gods... da.mn it... Please b-be online soon...

Whats wrong? D:

Ngh... Nothing... Just... Feeling a bit off... I'm fine. Just needed to rest my head for a bit.
Everything's alright now... Honest... Bleh... I need something to eat before I pass out.

Please be okay... I'm fighting through something right now

I'm fine... Don't you worry...
Now...
Tell me what's hurting you... I don't want to see you in this kind of pain...
And please don't hide things from me when you know I can help... It hurts to think you might not trust me...
*hugs*
... You'll be okay... I won't let stay this hurt... Not while I still breathe...

I-its like I dont even have a family anymore... I wake up every morning dreading another day....

... I'm afraid... I-... I've run out of words...

...
I'm sorry I failed you...
...

You have NEVER failed me.

Ngh... I'm sorry I just... I don't know what to say... And I don't want to accidentaly say the wrong thing or maybe it's not enough o-or... A-agh... I just don't know what to do...
I don't want to let you down...

Ugh... Sorry you had to see that post...

Hey, dont worry bout me, kay? You have enough on your plate and it isnt fair to you.

The day I stop worrying about you is when I'm six feet in the ground... Iz wat I do.
...
I know, I worry too much but... I just want you safe...

Hhh... And I'll be fine... I've delt with worse. ... MUCH worse.

I am always here for you. Just remember that.
As long as I know you're alright I'll be fine. Promise!

Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.

...
There are a few things I want to say before I go... If I don't, it'll be tearing me up all week...
...

I kinda noticed... Looking back... I tend to write how I feel without really knowing it...
And... The reason I usually die in my stories...

In my steampunk story, it was how I'd stay loyal to my friends and I'd die for you guys...

Shadow grounds was the fear... The fear of losing someone... Being alone... Being driven to insanity or... Worse... I wasn't far... I almost did something unspeakable around the time I was writing that...

Kyle and Astra's story was the pain... The pain of loss... Being abandoned... The sting of feeling like you have no meaning to be here...
And we both know Kyle and Astra represented you and me...
My " #GNseries " is the first not writen out of pure emotion...
...
Shadow Child... Was difficult to write... For a number of reasons...
Biggest one was it was all from experiance...

I've hurt you... Wether or not I meant it... I've come close to losing-

you...
...
I thought I did... It drove me insane... I'd have delusions, strange dreams, I talk to myself all the time to sort out thoughts I can't write down but... It got different when I thought I lost you... I'd talk to myself and... I-I don't know...
...
I was crazy... Very... Very litaraly...
...
It feels like so long ago...
I'm shocked I remember...
...
When you came back... Your timing couldn't have been any more perfect...
...
I feel stupid now... But... That last message you left and then being gone for almost a month... I couldn't help but... Think the worst...
I was on here to leave a goodbye message...
...
I was ready... I had a note left in front of my parents door and that... Gods da.mn knife to my wrist when you got here just in time...
...
Thats when I started to change... And promised not to leave you... Because for the longest time I had put you in those situations... And I found out very quick how much it hurts when I thought I lost you...
...
I'm not going to lie.

You've scared the daylights out of me... Repeatedly... Some recently.
...
It's why I always worry.
...
It's why I always nag you for the truth about your well being or how your feeling...
...

I honestly felt hopeless and lost and... Meaningless without you when I thought you were gone...

I ramble on like this all the time... You probably want to throw a dictionary at me by now. Hm hm...

...
I only ramble like this because...
I just want you to know I will always be there... And I truly appreciate you as a friend... as family... and just for being the person you are...

...
I'm going now... I'll see you soon...
You better be okay when I get back... Or I'll write a poem that'll make you cry. Hm hm...
*hugs*
...
I'll miss you...
...
I'll be back soon... I'll see you Saturday...
Bye.

All this... You know I dont cry, but it had me in tears. Have fun... I'll miss you.

*hugs* Agh! I missed you so much.
Are you okay? Don't lie to me.
Aaaah...
It's been k!lling me not knowing how you were doing.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Hhh... Okay... Sorry, I almost gave myself a heart attack. Heh...
...
Two things I need to tell you right now...
Don't let the next few paintings I post scare...
They're meant to be kinda emotional... I'm letting stuff get to me and I'm driving myself bonkers for it...

And if I don't tell you something about how I'm doing... It's only to protect you... Please, just... Don't take it the wrong way if I don't tell you something...
...
Hhh...
...
I uh... I need to think for a minute... S-sorry... I'll be back...

U-uhm...
...
W-would it be okay if there was just a little bloodshed..?
Heh...
...
I'm sorry, please don't hate me, I haven't done it yet! *hides, shaking*

I'm sorry if I dont reply for a while, my last comment was a small lie. *Slightly dazed*

Ngh... O-oh...
...
You... You didn't... Did you..?

...
Ngh...
...
What am I doing...
...
Please come back soon...
...
I hate this feeling... I hate it...
*shaking*

Sorry, I'm back

I-I'm sorry...
...
I'm scareing myself... I haven't used a razor to... Y'know... in months... I almost did again... I didn't even know I was about to do it...
...
I know I'm probably over reacting but...
...
I'm scared I'll break my promise... Not just the cutting... but worse...
I don't want to do that to you...
...
*wimpers* God blast it... Why am I so stupid...

Hhh...
I'm sorry for bugging you...
I haven't been feeling good lately and I worry... I'll do something stupid...
...
I know I'm annoying you... I'm sorry...
...
I'm gonna... Lie down for a bit...

Also... Sorry about the picture...
That's-...
Nevermind...
Goodnight...
I'll... see you... whenever I get to talk to you again...

Garson. I'm sorry I'v been irrisponsible and vanishing off an on but I'v been trying to keep my life steady

...
There's no need to explain..
...
I...
Need to do something...
I'll uh... I'll check back later...

What where you doing... please tell me you didnt... please...

I didn't...
...
I won't lie... I...
...
No one would have stopped me...
...
It was practicly just a pinpr!ck before I stopped myself... No real blood was shed... Or worse obviously...
...
I'm sorry... I never meant to worry you...
...
I have a promise to keep...
Obviously that's more important to me emotionaly as it is mentaly... Or I wouldn't be here right now...
...
And even if I did... And I say IF. ...
I wouldn't do it without saying goodbye... Or if not that bad... Getting some help...
...
As much as I feel like I want to, I don't want my arms a bloody mess again. Er... Quit litaraly.

I'm okay... I swear...
...
Don't worry about me. I'll be alright.
...
I don't go down without a fight.
...
...
Especially when you're the person I'm fighting for...
*hugs*
I'll check back later. I may be late because I'm sick, but I'll try to make the time.

*sighs* My life suuuuuucks.... Oh well

I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry I'm not indestructable!
I'm doing the best I can for you.
I barely have control of myself. Especialy right now! I didn't even realize what I was doing but I stopped myself, right?
...
Ngh... My head hurts... I need to lie down...

...
I have a bad feeling...
...
Ngh... N-never mind...
...
I'm sorry for annoying you... I should just shut up sometimes...
...
I really hope you're on soon...

*crying* Garson... Garson... I havent been on in so long... I didnt want to come back... I didnt want to show you who I am now... I just... I cant...

...
Miranda...
What have I told you a hundred times before..?
...
Don't hide it from me... Let me help.
I've come to you countless times for countless reasons.
All because I knew I could trust you...
...
Now I need you to trust me.
Wipe away those tears...
Now tell me... What's wrong?

AND DON'T!... Do not lie to me Miranda.

Do you trust me enough to help you?

...

Who you are and who you think you are are compleatly different.
Now tell me... What is it... What is it you think you've become that I'd be so dissapointed in you.
...
And it will take a lot because sevral people have set that bar pretty high in the sky.

I'm done with being left in the dark Miranda.
Speak up.

I'm sick of it...

Everyone I surround myself with has either been rude, crude, dissrepectful, weak or cowardly.
And they play with me and my emotions, as if I were a toy...
I've ground tired of the weaknesses of others. Tired of the stupidity of others!

If they can't harden themselves after the tests life puts them through, then let them rot...
Only the strong can survive and only the inteligent can be strong.
...
I, am not, a puppet! I am not a toy to be played with!
...
If you play with knives you'll cut yourself...
The world is playing with a double edged sword that cuts both ways and I swear... I will drive a knife into the back of the next person to get in my way because I'm sick of this...
...
Life toyed with the wrong person... And now it's time for the consiquences...
...
...
...
I get to be the bully now.

Goodbye... And good, BLOODY day!
...
The world has gone to hell in a handbasket... If people can't adapt... Then they need to get out of the way...

Garson... Please dont... Please dont make me have to go away, because I cant watch you do that...

Garson, please dont... I cant watch you do that. I try not to stay away, but now youre making me.

X'D Well crap!
You've been waiting so long to say that. xp xD
Even after a month, she remaims the champion.

Ahhh!
I missed you so much *hugs*
That's about as big as an understatement as you can get but I don't care.

Holy crap, I missed hearing that voice so much.

Thanks, but you won too.

*hugs* missed your voice (and yawn)

Please, with the way the second round went, I can chalk that first round up to luck. "xD

x//D Oh, the yawn.

*purrs happily* yes the yawn

Omg, I missed you too much.
I'm just glad you're okay.
Y'know captain paranoid here.
Ugh... You don't even want to know the list of worst case senerios my mind came up with.
It frightens even me.
Blech...
Curse you paranioa!

x//D Darn that yawn

Well, maybe some of your worries could be justified... *rubs the cloth on my wrist*

Miranda... *raises eyebrow*

...

My mind says otherwise but at heart, I'm giving you the benifit of the doubt.
I know you wouldn't throw everything away. For both our sakes as well.
...
But it's these situations I expect the truth...
All of the truth Miranda... *stares intently*

I cut a heart into my wrist...

And why did you do that.

...

I'm waiting. *taps foot impatiently*

Ahem...

...
*checks watch*
... Hm, hm hm,,, ...

Hh... Very well.
I expected a bit more honesty...

We WILL talk about this later missy.
...
Keep it wraped. If you have any, put some neosporin or something among the lines on it.
... And DON'T... Touch another knife unless your making a sandwich or something.
...
I will talk to you later.

Ahem...
...
Good morning... I suggest you not test my patience if I have a question about... The little incident there on your wrist.
I haven't had my coffee yet and I don't deal with early morning BS calmly...
...
I suppose you think you're clever...
...
You kept it wraped I hope.

I made a heart as a promise. So when I see it, it reminds me that I already have all that I need.

Garson, over the time *cough* I'v known you... I'v grown more tired, you became so *cough* strong... I'm the willow tree, I'm supposed to protect *cough* you... I'm sorry.

...
Don't be sorry...

Take some medicine. Keep your wrist wraped for a few days... Get some rest whenever you get the chance.
...
...
Ngh...
...
I'll be back later. You take it easy until then...

This cough isnt going away. And I dont need to keep it wrapped.

*narrows eyes*
You know... I have a question... Because I'm curious...
...
What if I did the same thing you did..?
What if I carved a heart into my wrist, just so I could, "Remember I have all I need.", is how you put it, I believe...
...
I'd do it... I'd be carefull of course... But carveing that into my own skin, my hands would be shaky with nervousness and antici.pation for the pain... Anyone's would. It's reflex... It's instinct... But oh, I'd still do it because I would be oh so carefull... Even though there's a good chance I might hit a vain... What if I did? I'd be shocked for a few minutes... Then I'd panic and try recklessly to stop the bleeding... Then I'd feel stupid because I was in such a panic, I never told anyone to call 911 for help... And by the time they'd get there it'd be too late... But even with that in mind, I'm suuuure I'd still do it...
Maybe if someone dear to me protested? Mmm... I'd still do it I'm sure...
I would dissregard how it might pain others, and -

myself, forever...
Dissregard the fact, the smallest slip up... A slip of the hand, a little tickle, a small twitch at a inapertune moment... Could cost me, possibly, my life...
Oh, I'm suuure I'd still do it no matter how dangerous... And reckless, it may be...
Because I'm sure I'd do that just so I could remind myself, "I have everything I need." ...
...
So out of curiosity... Since you thought this such a brilliant idea...
If I did the same..?

Sure, my hands are usually shaky with nerves, and I twitch a lot, maybe a little clutzy... But if you could do it, I'm sure I could...
...
What do you think..?
*stares with narrowed eyes*

Alex. Theres one thing you need to know. As dear to me as you are. As much as you could /message/ me. You arent here to stop me. That month that I was gone. You have no idea what I'v been through. *Breaks into a coughing fit*
For all you know, I could be dieing anyways.

...
Then if you are... I guess I am too...
...
Bloody hell. Miranda, if there's something you need to tell me, spit it out...
...
If this is your way of telling me, please give it to me straight...
...
Because...
...
...
...
*looks away holding back tears*
...
There's something I want to tell you...
...
Something I need to tell you...
Because I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to tell you now...
...

Miranda...
...
If there ever is a time-...
...
W-where I won't see you again...
...
Please don't say goodbye...
...
Just... Tell me something that I'll understand if you'll-... If you'll won't come back...
...
Goodbye means I'll never see you again...
...
If you don't... It just means you're not here right now...
...
...
...
I just don't want you to leave me...
...
I-... I-ll be back... Ahem... S-sorry...

I-I...
I dont know...
I shouldnt even...
Be allowed to live anymore...
I'm sorry....
I-I'll... Be back later...
*More coughing*

...
Rrgh...
QUIT FU.CKING WITH ME!
QUIT SPEAKING IN RIDDLES! (that's my job)
TELL ME WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!

Garson... I cant...

Like hell you can't...
...
If this is how it's going to be-...
...
...
...
So be it...

But don't blame me when there's the time I'm gone and you're left in the dark.
...
Because there will be...
...
And at this rate...
...
...
...
I'm sure it's soon...
...
So I'm sorry for trying to help... Because you clearly don't want a da.mn thing from me...

Garson... You promised. I guess I'v worn your patience too thin. We where always supposed to be friends. Doesnt willow tree mean anything to you anymore?!

I thought I could always count on you, I NEVER GAVE UP.
...
...
I never gave in.

Don't you DARE question my faith in you, or how much ANY OF THIS, means to me!

I NEVER left you! I would never leave you! I'd have a bullet put in my head before I let a da.mn thing hurt you!
I never cared how long, how tireing, or how hard it would get, because I was ready from the day I met you to never abandon you, and to always be there for you.
That song, that poem, that story, was not suppose to mean ANYTHING until you came into my life, and I realized, it was meant for you.

I'd die for you a thousand times over if I had to Miranda!
I could help you through this, but you won't tell me jack fu.cking squat about anything!
And I can't help, if I don't even know the problem.

I WANT to help you Miranda! I WANT to be there for you every step of the way.
But you won't tell me anything..

I will never lose sight of what's important Miranda... But I can't help when there is litarally nothing to help, because you won't tell me what I need to know to make it happen...

I want to help you... I want to help you with every fiber of my being Miranda...

You're like a daughter to me and I w-...
Ngh...
...
...
...
I-I'll be back later...

There isnt anyway you /could/ help. I'm sorry. The longer I'm gone, the harder it is for me to come back. I'm sorry if I get nostalgic, but... Can you write me a poem? Just one more? I love your poems...

*Cough* What I meant by no way to help... I'm beyond reach. I'm being nostalgic... Quite frankly, I dont know if I'm dieing. I just feel like I am... I dont know why... *coughing*

What where you going to say? "And I w-""???

...
I was going to say... I would do anything for you...
...
*nods head sadly*
I-... I get it...
It hurts too much to come back here...
...
You're not coming back here... Are you..?

...
I can tell Miranda...
Whenever you come back here, it hurts... ... ... And I understand why...
...
I don't want you to keep coming back here if it only gets harder... And I know I'm part of the reason...
...
I don't want you hurt anymore than you already are...
...
And I won't be angry if you want to leave altogether...
...
Just please... Don't give up... Never give up... For me...
...
...
...
In all honesty...
...
It hurts me coming back here too...
...
But I'll be here if there is ever a time you need me...
...
You know where to find me...

No! It doesnt hurt to come back, it hurts to leave... I never want to leave but sometimes I have to.

...
What do you want me to do..?
...
Because I don't know anymore...

*Trying not to cry*
I-I'm sorry, its my fault...
... ...
Its all my fault...
Maybe if I didnt come back... You couldve led a normal life...
Maybe I should leave... for your sake...

Please don't...
...
Please...

...

I'm sorry... Okay? I didnt mean to leave.... Friend? Warrior? I hope youre okay...

...
You called...

Oh my gods! Thank you for keeping him safe!

Garson are you okay?!

Yes... I'm still alive.
Still in one peice to my surprise...

Dont f*cking talk like that Alex. Just dont. I'v been going through hell and the heart didnt work.

You act like the only one girl... I am not in the mood for snipy chit-chat.
Now before I start putting holes in my wall... Hhh...
...
What's wrong?

Does something have to be wrong for me to speak to my besst friend? I guess so.

No...
Nothing has to be wrong for us to talk to eachother.
But when someone says, "I've been going through hell.", it doesn't exactly say Oh I've been just peachy.
...
Regardless...

*rubs eyes* Hhhhhh...
Before we get nice and friendly with eachother, I apologize in advanced for any... Episodes... Old wounds are open and people just like to keep rubbing salt in them. Don't ask.
...
Now...
...
I can't even remember the last time we talked to eachother propperly...
...
Has it really been that long..?

.... Yes... Garson, I keep breaking down, I'm sorry too.

Don't apologize... I know when you snap at me it's never out of spite... I'd rather have you vent it on me rather than keep it locked up. We both know the consiquensec of that.

But you're here now...
And that's all that matters...

I'm sorry I came back. I come back now and see the little immature side of me. I'v changed.

Please. No one's perfect... Come on. Look who you're talking to... I may try to act like it... But I'm far from a perfect man...

I wouldn't change a thing about you... Not a single perfect imperfection...
*hugs*
...
I'm just so happy you're still there... ... ...

*Sighs* I was thinking about leaving. I have so much to do now.

...
...
...
Hhh...
...
...
...
You-... You should go... Y'know... Do what you need to do... Hm hm... Whatever it is, it's way more important than listening to silly old me all day..
...
You don't need me Miranda... You're as strong as you need to be on your own.
You what you feel is right...
Who am I to stop you.

Garson thats bull sh!t and you know it.

How exactly is that BS?
Also I botched the mood because I forgot a word in that whole thing.

Fine... What do you want me to say.

"Nooo... Don't go. I'll be misserable without you..."
...
It's not my choice.
...
So tell me... What is it you want to hear?

Nevermind...

Hhh. Very well then.

What happened to us Garson...

Someone won't talk to me when I ask what's bothering her so it annoys that person who's trying to help and keeps giving him the same half baked excuses as to why she won't talk.
Other than that, I'm just peachy at the moment.

I'm sorry for what we havd become. But we had an unhealthy relationship anyways... Its good to know youre well off without me. I miss you but I dont think you need me anymore. Were still friends, right? I'm sorry...

Don't say that... Don't ever say that...
...
I nearly made myself sick...
You are too important to me...
I have felt amazing recently... The only things I worry about is not turning... Into whatever I was before... And you...
I missed you...
Please tell me you're okay...

I'm fine garson.

Of course... O-of course you are... It was silly of me to ask...
...
I know... I know I tend to over-react... I tell myself otherwise every day but I know I do...
I...
...
I'm scared I did nothing but drag you further down with me... When I use to... Y'know... Be how I used to be...
I kept thinking that I did nothing but make things worse for you. And I was trying my best to keep you safe...
I guess I know what it was like talking to me so long ago now...
...
You might be right... I regret to say... And it's my fault. I was... Overprotective, or ooversensitive or obssesive, whatever.
And I'm sorry if I put more pressure on you than I wanted to...
That's... My mind going back to the way it was... Scared of being alone again... It's kinda pathetic now when I look at it...
I'm sorry if put any sort of stress or preasure on you, because I'm sure I did.

...
I will always be here if there is ever a time you need me...
...

I need you.

What's wrong..?

I miss you friend...

I miss you too...

My life is... Changing. I have my own room now. I have a girlfriend and I'm going to be in highschool next year... hhh... Wnen did I grow up? Where has the time gone?

It's never fun... But it has to happen some time...
You're the strongest person I know... Just keep your chin up... I have no doubt in you...
I'm always here for you.

Stay gold Alex. Youre so tame sometimes.

I admit... I've... Changed a bit...
I hope you've faired well since we last spoke...

I apologize if I'm slow to reply I... I'm just not sure what to say...

Its fine.

...
Do you ever-...
Hhh...
Never mind.
I'm terribly sorry... I came here tell you something, not waste your time with meaningless questions.
Ignore my usual stupidity...
I'll have to start beating that out of me if this keeps up.

The reason I came here, was to wish you a happy New Year... And I hope you enjoyed Christmas. Since I know you're... Usually quit a busy person.
...
That's all... And I will... See you when I see you I gues...

I'm not busy. I'm sleeping almost an hour a night. Eating maybe a plate of food every three days. And spending all my time hiding. Happy new years

That's not good for you Miranda... I'm sorry I've failed to help you...
...
I miss you... And I hope you have a happy new year.

...
" I watch the clock as it ticks and it tocks... I lay in bed and listen to the rain's drips and drops... I wait day after day as my hope slowly drops...
I fall asleep but never get rest. I wake up and try to do my best. I wait from dusk to dawn, and hope that you're not gone...
... "

...
I can only take so much of this...
...
Tell me...
...
Is it a fruitless endevour coming back here..?
...
...
...
You know... No matter what happens... You're still the reason I'm here... ... ... I didn't plan on seeing it through to this year before... ... ...
...

If you're still there...
Take care...

Hello Alex. I'm still here. One day at a time buddy.

... Yeah... One day at a time...
Thank you for not leaving me alone...

...
I don't know if or even when you'll see this but-
...
...
...
I have to go...
There's something I need to do... And it's not easy doing this...
...
You're strong enough without me. And it's thank's to your help I can do this...
...
I'll return sometime... Don't fret...
Until then... Goodbye for now...

N0! Youre leaving?! Garson?! Garson...? Dont say goodbye. Someone I love once told me that goodbye is forever. My warrior, do you still want to sit by the willow tree?

I was too late I guess... By a day!!!

... I miss you...

... Please be back soon...

Miranda! I know you're there! Get your behind on Pokemon before I go!

I wasnt there... I'm never here...

Oh, how I've missed your little riddles.
But that will have to wait for another time.

I missed you in general, Alex.

And I, you...
...
It's been a long while since we've been here... propperly that is.

Yeah... Way too long.

... I truly missed you Miranda...
It's not the same without you.

But we're both here now.
And that's what matters.

Its probably better without me, but there was something missing without you.

On that note, I am terribly tired... Goodnight.

You can say that all you want but it still won't be true darling. Hm hm...
...
I'm glad to see you here... It's uh... Quit the relief compared to my previous thoughts and worries.

... Goodnight then...

I missed you by literally a minute.

You there?

Yeah... I'm here.

Hmph... I'm here.
...
*growels* But you never are...

I'm sorry.........

I don't know how stup!d you think I am Miranda...
...
You have given me no answers as to why you're never here because I KNOW you're on here more than you let on to be because the second I say something, guess who shows up...
You expect me not to hurt myself or deprive myself of something and just expect "Oh! She's okay! Happy fun times!" from me...
That's not how it works Miranda... And what makes it worse for me is I know you continue to harm yourself.

So why shouldn't I..?
...
I love you like a sister Miranda... But I don't know how long you expect me to sit idley by as you slowly k!ll yourself...
Unless you give me a da.mn good reason to stay here... I can't just sit and watch... I tell you over and over I'm here for you...

And I'm sorry you feel like you can't tell me anything...

I'm sorry okay!!! Im not perfect! You do so much better here without me! I love you too. And I'm trying so hard to stop cutting. I really am. By the way, my birthday was yesterday, thats why I'm on. I miss you, but I left because you do so much better here without me. You dont even seem to notice I'm gone.

That's because I hide what hurts me the most.
It's not fun wondering if your dead or alive. If you're in the hospital. If I'll ever hear from you again.
Some things drive me nu.ts and I let it out but I'm good at hiding the worse kind of pain because I have been for a long time...
But if someone doesn't put their foot down some time, I will.
...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday... You know I'm not good with dates.
...
I can't slite you for trying to help me... But not being here doesn't either.
I could just vanish too if I wanted. Because I've thought the same thing to myself.

I honestly dont have a lot of time to be on here because of school. Only 3 more weeks.

*help

I miss you Miranda...
I truly do... But this vanishing is doing nothing but k!lling me more and more...
If you honestly can't be here, I can't blame you.

I dont want to kill you, but I cant be here.

Alright... I understand.
That's all I need to know...
I can rest somewhat easier... If there is ever a time you need me... Never hesitate to let me know.
I'll always be here if you need me... I just want you to remember that.

Is there anything you need to know since we're here? Might as well keep eachother in check.

Im here right now. I'm not gone forever. I'm still here.

Yes...
You have been-... Relatively alright I hope.
Cutting aside obviously.

I actually didnt cut for two weeks. Then I did it on my birthday.

Well, you have to start somewhere...
I'm-... Actually really glad to hear that to be honest... I was scared of what the answer might be.
You're trying... And that's all I could ask for.
And I'm sure your tired of hearing this but, just be carefull please...

I dont cut that deep at all. I promise. I still have the heart on my wrist though.

Hhh... Thank the lord...
I know I worry too much but... I don't want to lose you Miranda...

I've been clean myself for at least two weeks by now also.
Er... My mom kinda found me out and I already pushed it sevral times with the cutting for her so... I'm smart enough to know when to say when. I could buuuuut... Nothing scares me more than my mom when she's really, really P,O'd.

I dont give two sh!ts what my mother says most of the time. I told her to p!ss off. But I still love her.

Oh...

I'm too goody-two-shoes to ever do that really.
Yeah, yeah, I'm boreing but... I don't know. It just goes against what I stand for I guess...
...
I'm rambling aren't I?

Leave it to me to ramble on about useless stuff no one cares about.
Sorry... >_<"

I care. I'v always cared.

Hm... Well thank you for listening to this goofball ramble on.

I have to go...
I'll see you when I see you I guess.
...
Stay safe darling... *hugs*

I'll try to be on tomorrow. I'll talk to you then, Gar.

God dang it Miranda...
...
You better be alive...

Maybe I'm not... I dont know. :3 I havent cut since june. I'v missed you so much Alex!

MIRANDA! *hugs you tightly* Ooooooooh, my god... I'm so happy to see you! You have no idea!
I'm so proud of you! That's awesome!
...
*sniffles*
...
I-i'm not crying...
It's luquid pride...

Agh! I gtg! Don't you dare dissapear on me again, I'll be back in a few hours!
*hugs you again*
We are going to talk when I get back, either here or GC, because sweet Celestia, I need to talk to ya after so long.
Hhnngh! If I'm dreaming, don't wake me up, because I missed you.

You sappy dork! ^w^

x//D I know, but I can't help it!
Alright, I'm stalling, seriously, I'll be back soon. I'm holding people up. "xD

It is the most amazing feeling to see you happy again... That's all I ever wanted for you...

AGH! Shut up ya sap!
I'll see you soon! I'm rambling! Bye for now! Don't vanish ya sneak! xp

I'm back!
Oh my gosh, I'm tired. >.<
That was an ordeal, but what can ya do?

Sounds busy

My sister had a dentist apointment.

It took longer than I thought. Sorry. >.<

But I'm here now and as far as I know, I'm not busy.
...
Watch someone come through my door in like 5 minutes. "xD

I probably already know the answer to this... But...
Are you able to GC?

Um... Not right this moment...

No problem...

I'm sorry : (

Aaah, no sweat.
If ya can't, ya can't.
But if you ever want to, feel free to let me know and hopefully I can talk with you undisturbed.

Family's always round.

Aah. I see.

Plus I have a con coming up and im pretty busy

Mmm...
I gotta go for a bit so I'll talk to you later.

D:

*growels*
I'm back...
Finally.

I'm so tired..

Try and get some rest...
You've been pretty busy by the sound of it.

I'v been sleeping a lot... But its not good sleep. Riddled with nightnares.

I know the feeling...
*hugs*
... Don't let those thoughts stay in your head... Know that whatever it is, it's either not true, or you can overcome it...
And I'm right here, if you need me...

I'll always need you, dork. I kinda saved your life, you owe me ;3

Hah hah ha! Aaaah, too true darling. Too true...

Well then, miss Miranda. *bows* How may I be of service to you.
xp

Wow okay no XD. At ease.

xD
Leave it to me to take the joke five steps too far.

Thats fine. Hey, now you know what I look like!

YEAH! ^w^
Wish I knew how to do that. I tried one time.
...
It didn't end well... "xD

Try again.

How tall are you and how much do you weigh?

Uhm...
Shoot, I forgot...
I think I'm like-... 5,6? Maybe. I could be wrong.
I honestly don't remember. >.<"

Hm

Im trying to eat less.

?
...
Like the, I'm trying to starve myself to death, kind of eat less, or the, in a healthy way, kind of eat less..?
...
Dare I ask...

In the, Im an average weight but I dont like how I look kinda eat less

Ahh... I feel ya sister. >.<" Same here actually...

:(

Eh...
I'm not being stupid. I'm not starving myself like I use to...No worries there.

Good

Er... If ya need me, let me know.
Sorry if I'm bugging you...

You arent bugging me.

Okay...
Er... Sorry. I'm acting really awkward, aren't I?

Nah

Okay...
Is there anything in particular you want to talk about..?

I dont want to start ranting...

Please, go ahead.
I litarally have nothing to do...
It'll be the most exciting thing I've done all day.

My mother is trying to get me to stay the night at her ghetto sketchy and frankly dangerous apartment.

Oh... Yeeeeah, that doesn't sound fun.

Hey

Er... I'm here...

Yknow, nevermind.

?
Did I say something?

Nope.

I just said I'm here...

O-okay..?

Not that I'v wanted to talk to you. Or hear from you. At all.

I'm confused... W-what did I do..?

I-I did something didn't I... I didn't mean to...

You havent spoken to me. Or even tried. You draw for elena and tiff all the time. But never mention me.

Because you're not here.
You vanish all the time. And I do talk about you, in fact.
Tiff even threatens me by saying she'll tell you if I harm myself anymore.

Iv been here. I check often. I never get any messages.

I miss you. Maybe I should stop comin round though. Youre the only reason I do.

Well I don't know that.

That and I worry enough people about me...
I don't want to bug you...

Well I miss you too...
...
I'm holding you back aren't I..?

I don't want to be a burden to people...

You arent a burden. Stop it.

If I vanish, I probably passed out.

S-sorry...

Also, if I suddenly vanish it's because my internet IS BEING A D!CK! *smacks 3DS*

Stupid dumb thing.
FIX THE INTERNET! *throws stuff at the WiFi box thingy*
...
I'm irritable because I've been having internet issues all day.

It hurts Garson. Its like youve forgotten.

You I've forgotten you!?
How do you think I feel!
I thought you threw me away like the garbage I am!

You can't expect me to do much when you're never here and you don't tell me anything.

I haven't forgotten about you...
...
I figured you've moved on...

Can't english! Screw it! I'm too tired to care about typos atm.

You dont seem to be thinking about me a whole lot. No messages. No mentions, he//, you seem to have pushed me out all together! Do you know how bad it hurts to see that picture you drew of you, elena, and tiff? Its like I'm not worth your time anymore. And I'm on alot! Almost as much as you are.

If you're going to sit here and be all salty about a drawing, that's all you.
...
But that doesn't change what I said before.
I'm not going to argue with you if you're not going to listen to me...
...
If you want to GC and play catch up, I'd be more than happy to.
...
But I don't want to talk if this is where the conversation is going...

I do want to talk to you...
...
But not like this...
...
I miss you Miranda... It hasn't been the same.

Whatever. Have fun. I made a promise a long time ago. But I dont know how much longer I'll be able to keep it.

...
If this is how you want to be about it-... so be it...
...
But no matter what you say or think, I still care about you... That won't change...

I'm sorry you feel this way Miranda.
...
If you need me... You know where to find me... I'll still be here if you ever need me...

What else am I supposed to think? I feel like youve forgotten me!

You havent been here! You dont even know who I am anymore because you choose not to.

...
And if you hurt yourself-...
...
I swear Miranda... You know what'll happen if I have to set an example to protect you...
...
I don't want anything to happen to you...

Then I'm sorry I failed you...
...
You deserve better than me...

Stop it with the self pity bullsh!t.

Then what do you want from me.
No matter what I tell you, you deny it so...
...
I don't know what to do anymore...
...
Would you preffer I walk away?
...
Because that's what it feels like you want me to do at this point...

Just forget it. Its better if you forget me too. I cant stay up night after night for you anymore. You dont need it.

...
I try to move past this so we can just have a nice conversation but that can't happen apparently...

Take care of yourself Miranda...
I hope everything works out for you.
Good luck out there...

I'm not one for pleasantries. And dont act like this is my fault.

So youre willing to forget me?

Alex please im freaking out a little bit.

I'm here.
What's worrying you?

Um... My body is doing something that its not supposed to...

Mmm..? What's it doing?

Is it something that you might need to see a doctor for or is your body just acting weird?

I should go see a doctor, but I havent told anyone. Its very tmi. If you really want to know whats wrong, then dont judge me for what I say.

Alright... Fair enough...
What's wrong..?
Dare I ask.

I'v... Been having bloody bowels..

Ooooo...
Yeah...
That's serious darling... You should see if you could get some help with that.

You haven't told anyone about it?

Its been like this for about a week and a half now but I cant tell anyone, its really embaressing but this isnt the first time and thank you for answering I seriously miss you and tiff and elena and I look at your guys art everyday and I want to be one of your guys friends again.

We haven't forgotten about you...
Well-...
At least I haven't and I don't think Tiff has.
Not sure about Ellie...
...
And about this situation.
I know it's emberassing but it is important that you make sure it's nothing too serious.
It could mean something bad if you let it go unnoticed for too long...

I just dont know what to do about everything. I miss you.. I felt like you hated me and I know I wasnt being all that fair but my moods get bad sometimes..

*tries not to gag* Leave it to me to inhale the airborn suger dust for my ice tea.
Takes years of practice and stupidity training.

It's fine darling... *hugs* Our emotions get the better of us sometimes...

And one thing I miss a whole whole lot, is your singing.

R-really? M-m-my singing..?

Your singing is beautiful. And do you know what my favorite story to tell is?

W-what..?

The time you fell asleep and I heard your mother in the bg talking about what you ate for breakfast XD. "He had some yogurt, and some toast, oh! And some peanut butter!"

OH GOD BLAST IT, I HAD HOPED YOU FORGOT!
"x///D

...
Are you able to GC..?
I have a few songs I could try that I've been practicing... I-if you really want to...

Im cooking...

Ah...
Well I'm free for a bit as far as I know so if you have time.
...
Stupid peanut butter story. "x///D Why must my mom be a loudmouth.

It was great XD

I could never forget that story

>///< Nuuuuu. I'm doomed because of peanut butter

I have an idea for a drawing

Uh oh. "x//D

Hehehe

I don't like that laugh! I'm gonna be emberassed! I know it! "x///D

Don't leave me hanging ya li'l rascal, what is it?! x//D

Youll see

*flattens ears* Ooo dear

Anyways, I'll get on that. I have two band gigs to play tomorrow, Talk to you tomorrow sometime? It'll be late.

Band?

And yeah. Hopefully I'll be on.

Guess I'll see you tomorrow. ( watch me be really busy all lf a dudden. -_- )
Goodnight darling. *hugs*

Night hon. Yeah, concert band. I'm a trombone nerd.

Whenever we do GC again, I hope I don't make your ears bleed with my god aweful singing. "xD

**beautiful

Har har... You're clever...

Im waking up from a long dream into a cold lonely world garson. Its new but its here and its me. Its real.

Uhm... Did I-... Miss something..?

Are you okay darling?

I'm just coming to a new part of my life. I got a new datemate, I'm in high school, I have two friends...

Mmm... Well I'm glad things are progressing for you.
If we're being honest here, I envy you... Then again, that's no surprise. I envy a lot of people.

I'm still here if you ever need me... Though-... I don't think you do anymore...
But I'm still here...

Garson, I'll always need you.

Okay...

How are you doing darlin'..?
Hope you've been holding up okay...

Oh I'm fine. Peachy really.

I really hope that's not sarcasm.

Would you look at the time! Gotta run. ^^"

And for some reason, I'm not surprised.

Dont be mad at me.

Hey darlin'.
How have you been recently?

fine. just fine. and yourself?

I am so, so, so sorry I haven't been talking to you as much as I'd like to...
I'm so sorry...
I haven't forgotten about you... You're still just as important to me...

I hope you're not lieing... I really hope you're doing well...

I've been doing-... A lot better... To be honest... From what I'm told.

I stopped cutting again... I'm not as suicidal... I don't have suicidal urges or urges to cut myself as much anymore... I'm finding myself being genuinly happy a little more...

I don't want to be in pain... I'm not ready to die...
I'm-... glad I'm still alive...
I honestly thought I'd never say that...

*hugs*
I miss you so much Miranda...
So much has changed...
I wish we could talk... I miss you... I really, really miss you...

Be safe... Please...

I'm happy to inform you that I'm the same way now. For a bit there it was bad... Very bad. Very deep. But then I realized... I didnt want to die. Miss you too, brother.

You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that...
I'm so glad you're okay...

Dont get sappy on me, dork.

I'm a sappy son of a griffin. You know I'm emotional! "x'//D

Im so glad to hear youre well.

I'm actually glad I'm doing well...
*hugs*
I wish we could talk...
I miss hearing you...

We will soon. I'm on break.

Really!? Let me know.
...
Don't even comment if you hear me crying.

Let me know when is what I meant.

Aw you dork. Maybe tomorrow?

That's fine with me!

Please mom, don't screw me over by giving me a cra.p ton of chores to do tomorrow.

I am not a do-...
Okay, I'm a little emo peice of you know what, I'll give you that one.

Are you able to GC yet..?

I've been thinking and-...
I'm so sorry... I've been a god awefull friend to you... You mean so much to me and I never, ever want to lose you... I'm sorry I was such a bad friend to you... I'm never here... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...

Hold up! You have been nothin but amazing, sweetie.

I feel like I've treated you horribly...

*hugs*
Don't tell anyone but it was really hard not to start crying when I was talking to you... I missed you...
Are you able to GC again?

Aw, hon. *hugs* I cant GC but I cant wait to hear you sing

Heh... I'm a little out of practice...

*hugs* I'm trying to get my dad to get me an E-mail so I can get Skype.

Why is it so complicated!? Aaagh!

Sorry :<

Also I hope I don't sing too horribly "xD

I'm sure you sound great

I don't have Skype... What are you talking about, gah... *is nervous*

What?

I'm in a skype call with Tiff!

I was such a ball of nerves for that skype call. "xD Why... Why am I such an anxious little dork

Miranda, I'm worried...
Are you okay..? Did I do something..?

Its not you guys calm down I'm getting counlesing next month

3603340066

I have so much to tell you. Firstly, I’m so sorry for leaving, but I needed to make a life for myself. One where I could heal and grow. Im a senior in high school now. I miss your yawns. I miss your singing. I want to talk to you again. Please call me, please text me, something. I need my warrior again.

I'm not even sure what I should say right now, Miranda.

do you still have Skype?

hello to you too by the way

I dont have skype. Sorry, I shouldnt have messaged last night. Idk what I was thinking.

Sorry to bother you.

I just reset skype, if you can find it using my phone number, and you want to message me, go ahead.

https://join.skype.com/invite/yfLNdVUzxx3n

Heh.. it's a longshot, but I heard this place was shutting down. I'm grabbing old art and refs for old time sake before they're lost to the void, but you still come into my mind sometimes.

I'm a hell of a different person than I was in 2014

if by some stroke of luck you happen to see this, I just hope you're taking care of yourself and you're living life as best you can.
you were one of the greatest friends during a time where i had no one, and was truly alone...
So much has changed, and I hope, for you, it's been for the better all these years later.

Take care of yourself, darling